An Open Letter to Matt "Matthew" Stajan

Dear Matt Stajan,

Look, we seriously need to talk. I know this season isn’t easy for you. I mean, you were w healthy scratch and all, and I know that must be hard for you. I’m not a hockey player—hell, I’ve never even been on a team in any sport. I know it must royally suck for you but…I could understand it.

I’m not saying you’re a bad person or anything like that. I mean, you’re a much, much better player than most of the people out there and you’re good to media people. That’s not an easy task, especially with the team as it is. I know you do charity things with the little kids and it’s really sweet of you. Even though I usually don’t like little kids, I think it’s really nice and caring of you.

It’s just that lately I’m not all that impressed with you. Like I said, I’m not saying you’re a bad person or anything. I’m not mad, I’m just…disappointed. You’ve done good work in the past-maybe not the best, but the bar is set high. It’s just that the way that you’re playing makes me feel, how do I say, unfulfilled. It really makes me sad since I know you could probably do better—not break all the records better, but better than you are now. I suppose I’m really afraid that any really good moves you’ve done were just flukes and you really aren’t such a great player.

Dammit, I know there are more complete players on the team out there. I know there are tougher hitters, better faceoff people, better plus/minus guys just better…hockey players out there. Like I said, I’m not mad or anything and I’m not totally throwing you out just yet. I just think we need…a bit of a break, you know? A bit if a breather for a while.

Does this suck? Yes, of course it does and I’m sorry and--

Oh dammit, not the fuck me eyes. You know I can’t say no to—

Ok, Fine, You’re right. Alex Steen is in no way a better all around player. And sure, I’ll help you out on your rent again. It’s been 5 months in a row, but I don’t mind. Sure, you can always crash on my couch. If you’re hungry, I think there’s some left over mac and cheese in the fridge. *siiiiiigh*

(glovetaps to the magic of Google image search and Facebook for the pictures)

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, October 17, 2008

Today I celebrate the comedic greatness of Jon LaJoie (even though he is a Habs fan :P)

Clip one: Show me Your Genitals 2. Part one is awesome sauce, but part two is hockey related. "I'm the Wayne Gretzky of sexual stuff..."


clip two: A man in a Habs shirt beats the ever-loving crap out of a man in a Flyers shirt. Enjoy


Clip three: Not Giving a Fuck. It's not hockey related, but it's fun advice

Maple Leafs Chat: Release the Kitties!

**Welcome to the Maple Leafs Chat room!**

ShakeNBlake: So then I says to the woman, “hells yes I want that wit cheese”
Human_frogger: you like cheese, don’t you?
**Antrobot_80000 has entered the chat room!**
Antrobot_80000: mood-- worried
Human_frogger: wat’s wrong, antro?
Antrobot_80000:Poni sent me picture that’s very sad to me
Antrobot_80000: here I sends it here:

** Antrobot_80000 is attempting to send image**

ShakeNBlake: You better not be Goatse-ing us
Human_frogger: Or 2girls1cup. Not. COOL.
ShakeNBlake: Wellwood kept trying to pull that shit on us all the time. That and Rickrolling. I never got it





Human_frogger: Oh that’s a cute kitty!
ShakeNBlake: Nik, that’s an LOLcat.
Antrobot_80000: I knows. Isn’t it sad?
Human_frogger: How is an LOLcat making you sad?
Antrobot_80000: Look at that poor kitty. He never gonna gets delicious chees-bour-ger. Poor, poor little kitty
ShakeNBlake: Nik, you know that’s just a picture right? I mean, you don’t even know where this cat is—it could be anywhere.
Human_frogger: Yeah Nik, that picture could have been from any time. The cat could already be dead or something
Antrobot_80000: Dey starves kitty? How cruel! I needs to finding kitty and gives him delicious bore-gers!

** Antrobot_80000 has left the chat room**

Human_frogger: What a freak.
ShakeNBlake:It’s only 6:30 and already the boy ain’t right

** Antrobot_80000 has entered local Burger King!**

Burger_guy:Welcome to Burger King, may I help you, Sir?
Antrobot_80000: I NEEDS 76 DELICIOUS CHEESE BORE-GERS FOR CUTE KITTY!
Antrobot_80000: ..and for me. Saving kitties from starving is hungry work.
Burger_guy: Sir, are you high? Have you been smoking weed? Can you get me some?
Antrobot_80000: No foolin! Dis SERIOUS BIZNESS!
Burger_guy: Please don’t eat me, mister large Russian guy.
Antrobot_80000: I do not eat you!
Burger_guy: Would you like a cheeseburger value meal?
Antrobot_80000:Hmmm…kitty did no say nothing about value meal…

**trusty_tlusty has entered local Burger King!**

Burger_guy: Sir, may I help you instead?
trusty_tlusty: i can haz cheezburger?
Burger_guy: Sorry sir, but this other man has ordered all of our cheeseburgers
Antrobot_80000: Starving kitty needs a chesburger!
Antrobot_80000: /shows picture
trusty_tlusty: De kitteh is no starving. He’s all fat
Antrobot_80000:But poor kitty wants a cheese bore-ger and he’s no getting a cheese-bore-ger
trusty_tlusty: just look at de kitteh. He’s so happy. He seeses a cheezburger and he probably getz it
Antrobot_80000: I never thought of it like that
Burger_guy: Here are your cheeseburgers, sir.
trusty_tlusty: I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER?
Antrobot_80000:Sure, I even let you pay for it.

FYY, October 10, 2008

For today's Friday YouTube Yoinkage, I'm doing something a bit different.This week, I've got three songs that may be excellent theme songs for this season for all the Leafs fans. Feel free to throw in your own suggestions in the comments

clip one: "Bad Moon Rising" by Credence Clearwater Revival:



Clip two "Comfortably Numb", as seen in "the Wall"


clip three: This version of "Hold me, thrill me, Kiss me, kill me" (OK fine, I just thought a Dexterized version of this song was awesome.)

One year? Already? for serious?

And yet you (presumably) still read

See? even Lil Lindros is celebrating!

As hard as it is to believe it, The Wonderful World of Loser Domi is already one year old today. That’s really incredible, especially since my first post was the Toronto Maple Leafs jersey re-designed as a pot leaf Yes, even after failed reverse psychology, bad drawings, angry letters , nekkid photos overly gratuitous YouTube yoinkage , and killing the entire team you’re all still reading (at least I assume so—those numbers form sitemeter can’t all be from me scouring my own archives.)

I’d like to thank all you guys for making this a whole lot more fun than t would be alone. To be honest, I figured I’d do about 5 posts and quit. I’d like to point out some of my favourite comments left by my loyal (all of 6) readers throughout the year:

Jaredoflondon, on Leafer Madness, final chapter:

if I were dealing with Betman, there would be hedge clippers involved, and at least one variety of poisonous snake.

Dayna on the same thing:

I seriously love plot holes. I may now actually watch a leafs game and not swear when they touch the puck. You made me laugh, and it softened my leaf hating heart... I don't know if I like that.

@jared - This sounds like a good plan to me.

MF37 on Leafer Madness, part 7

Wow...Candy Land. As a father of a four year old, I can confirm that you have have nailed the perfect game for Woz.

Sherry on Music Men at the ACC

I'm a Mississauga native and I do in fact get mistakened for a hardcore gangsta all the bloody time.

Lori on Favre to Sundin: "Quit Dicking around, man!"

haha, excellent. You were very generous to Favre in the complete sentence department.

Greener on Being Todd Bertuzzi

He looks like every doofus B.A. student on Youtube whose about to watch 2girls1cup.

General Borchevsky on http://wwold.blogspot.com/2008/08/bizzaro-leafs-report-fletcher-signs.html

I like this one a lot. It'll be important to keep an accurate count of the crayons to make sure he doesn't stick any up his nose or in his ears. Also, he's a hungry boy - he might eat them.
Good to have him back on the team, though.

Jaredoflondon on Bloggonation Nubbin' Rubbins

god damn, the joke potential here is overwhelming, I don't know where to start. I got nothing, the funny part of my brain is having 3-stooges syndrome right now. DICK JOKE!!

OMGWTFTML on Just a Story from a Player's Perspective: Evgeni Malkin

I love this
Normally I go for the slash when it comes to fan fiction. There is something about reading how Osgood admires Zetterbergs body in the locker room that makes me laugh.

Eyebleaf on Carlo Colaiacovo's Amazon Antics

"Amazon? Is this where all the books come from?" stajan would so say something like that, that idiot. damn stupid sexy stajan.

Down Goes brown on Obligatory Thoughts on Certain Departures

A real bullet would have just whizzed by his head, glove side.

LeafFaninVan on the same thing:

In World of Raycroft do you lose levels the more you play?

Scotty Hockey on Cock Knockers, Incorporated: Volume 2

Watch out Sean! Maaarrrrtttyyy WANT PIE! Never get between a fat man and his food

Zack on Loser League

I'm gonna suck so hard, it's gonna feel like I moved into the middle of the Large Haldron Collider.

So feel free to exchange great memories, high fives, glove taps, alcoholic beverages, sexual favours, etc, etc in the comments. Once again THANK YOU for coming in to this little corner of the internet

LOLeafs, end of Preseason edition

So I says to myself, "Self, you know what you haven't done in a while? LOLeafs. You should do those more often, people seem to like them for some reason."

(these are actually a few games old but still rather good. I forgot the original credits though)

Maple Leafs Chat: after Preseason game 6

**Welcome to Maple Leafs Chat Room**

RonRon_IGetaRon: GODDAMMIT NOT AGAIN WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND SACRED IS WRONG WITH YOU UNCLE FUCKERS? JESUS CHRIST I’M PRETTY SURE GETTING SHIVVED BY A BUNCH OF CRACKHEADS IN A DARK ALLEY WOULD HURT LESS THAN WATCHING YOU ASSHATS PLAYNOW CAN ONE OF YOU SCUM SUCKERS TELL ME WHAT WENT WRONG?

Trusty_Tlusty: i can haz dfens, plz? Kthnxbai

RonRon_IGetaRon: EXCATLY HOW THE FLIPPING FUCK CAN WE HAVE SO MANY D-MEN WHO REFUSE TO DEFEND ? KABERLE AREN’T YOU HEAD OF DEFENDERING OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT?

Death_Kabs_4_QT: Well, it’s not really one guy—

Pavel_Road:I got a stick to the face, what’s your excuse?

Pavel_Road:/downs vodka

Pavel_Road: /consumes waffles

Trusty_Tlusty: INVISIBUL GOLEE?

RonRon_IGetaRon: WHERE THE HELL IS THAT SWISS CHEESE FUCKSTICK ANYWAY I OUGHTA SPLIT HIS HEAD OPEN LIKE A ROTTEN PUMPKIN

FullSteenAhead: Swiss? Isn’t Cujo from Ontario or something?

Stajan_not_Cajun: I think he’s crying and cutting himself right now.

RonRon_IGetaRon: I ASK ALL YOU RIMJOB RENEGADES HOW THE HELL WE CAN FACE A MORE ELITE SQUAD LIKE DETROIT WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR HEADS UP EACH OTHER’S ASSES AGAINST ST LOUIS

Pavel_Road: I’ve been having nightmares about Detroit for weeks

Pavel_Road:/downs vodka

Pavel_Road: /consumes waffles

Stajan_not_Cajun: I just thought of Detroit and a little bit of pee came out.

FullSteenAhead:I just keep hearing “snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe,” over and over in my dreams

Trusty_Tlusty: DO NOT WANT

RonRon_IGetaRon: DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO WEAK FLUFFY TEAMS LIKE US AFTER GOING TO DETROIT? ANAL RAPERY AT IT’S LEAST MERCIFUL

Trusty_Tlusty: surprise buttsecks?

RonRon_IGetaRon: DAMMIT JEERY TOO-LUSTY STOP LOLCATTING EVERYTHING I SAY

Trusty_Tlusty: oh hai! i mades you an offensive core but I eated it

RonRon_IGetaRon: AFTER ALL THIS YELLING I NEED A DRINK

Pavel_Road: sorry coach, I’s empty

RonRon_IGetaRon: CHRIST-HUMPING TITTY SHITS I WISH THE SEASON WERE DONE ALREADY