owowowowowowowowow!! OW!

An open letter: What the smeggin' hell is this? Seriously fellas, how much crack are you smoking before the games? Who do I have to blow to get you to--on second thought, don't answer. In fact, forget I said anything. Just try to not eat a cock tonight, ok? Come on--they're the coddamn Kings. Just get of the freakin' Fall Apart Express already. Why don't you guys just punch me in the head? It would be a lot easier and less painful for me.



(original coupon stolen from here). No pictures for you after last night. Like I said, actually show up to tonight's game and NO SUCKING ALLOWED.

NBC May Not Have teh Best Stuff to Watch, but it Has the Best Reception

Since I've been home, I've been watching the Today show a lot more than I ever did while at college, mainly because I never watch it while up in Canuckistan. Here is the schedule for the NBC channel where I am:

7-9 AM (when I'm usually not awake/crawling out of a nice, warm bed): Today show
9-10: Dumb and Dumber Regis and Kelly
10-12:Today show part deux


What Boggles (and probably Yahtzees and Sorrys as well) my mind is that the Today show is on for a total of FOUR HOURS a day. And yet in almost every single sement, they end up running out of time. How in THE FUCK does this happend? I mean, you're on for FOUR HOURS, you would think you could fit shit in! And it isn't like they're trying to cram in the most important information. This morning's episode (after I crawled out of bed at nine) has featured: a stpry on the results of a survey about people marrying for money, Ann Curry jumping off of a bridge, ways to break 5 annoying habits, and wil feature champion ballroom dancers....that are only 8 or 9 years old. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be lying down since I screwed up my back shoveling snow off of the barn roofs yesterday. Right now my back is stiffer than the average morgue resident. But with ice packs, some good reading material and ibuprofin, I'll be fine.

Memo to the Leafs: RE: playing the Coyotes

OK guys, I haven't been saying much about the record, mainly because my mom always taught me to not criticize how someone is doing something unless you can do a better job of it. I can't play hockey, so I've been keeping my mouth shut so far.

That changes tonight. You're playing the Phoenix Coyotes tonight. Sweet Jesus, if you guys screw the pooch on this one, like you screwed up this and this, I swear I'm going to cry. Look at that face (the one on the right , in the "Girl Scouts Gone Wild" shirt) Is that a face you want crying?
Bloody hell...

True, they have Ilya Bryzgalov, who is a good goalie. I like him as well, although it's only because every time I see him, I think of this:




So yeah, just think of that. He's only human after all, right? Just threaten to send him back to Russia or something. I dunno. That's why you guys are doing this and not me.

...this...sucks...

I..am...so...pissed...off...right...now...

Monday Night Hate Speech (not THAT kind of hate...)

In an attempt to find its identity as a blog, The Wonderful World of Loser Domi will be trying out different regular features to see how the audience of six will react. With this feature, I’ll start a rant about something that has been annoying me for some time. Today’s topic: hand dryers.

I loathe you, hand dryers. Why? Because you’re useless, annoying and one of the most irritating inventions ever. I’ll explain:

First, hand dryers go on for thirty seconds (trust me, I’ve timed this.) What really bugs me about this is that when most people use a hand dryer, they rub their hands for maybe 5 seconds and then walk away. I don’t know why people do this as your hands are never dry in that amount of time. Hell, I’ve stayed under for the full thirty seconds and my hands still remain wet. I’m not an expert, but think about it—if a person leaves after 5 seconds, that mean that there are 25 seconds of wasted hot air being pumped out by these little machines. Now, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that if you add up all the hand dryers on, say, a university campus, and figure a bathroom is being used many times a day, that adds up to a lot of hot air being wasted. This wasted electricity can’t possibly be good for the environment, which is one of the main arguments there for hand dryers (it says so on the thing itself.)
Hand dryers are also useless if you spill something or in the event of a sink overflow. I present the following scene as a dramtic re-enactment:

“Oh no, I spilled my coffee on the floor! *pushes button on the dryer, waits for thrity seconds*
*pushes button on the dryer, waits for thrity seconds*
*pushes button on the dryer, waits for thrity seconds*

And so on. I suppose in a situation like that you could use toilet paper, but in my experience, if you’re in a place that uses a hand dryer, the toilet paper there is that thin-as-a-heroin-fiend stuff that turns into a soupy, sloppy mess if you so much as look at it the wrong way.
About the only use a hand dryer might have is if you have cold hands and need a place to warm up. Maybe they should install hand dryers in doctor’s offices. It certainly would have made my physical today a little more pleasant. Then again, I get the impression that hand dryers are filthy apparatus. I don’t know why this is, since there are plenty more germ-laden surfaces in a bathroom like the door handles, the faucets and such.

What really steams me is that due to hand dryers, I canot participate in the “official” way to wash my hands to prevent the spread of flu and other such germs. Here’s a picture of an official Government of Québec poster:



Now, let’s look at it closer, so you can read it:



I can follow this….


I’m with you so far, Government of Québec….


Ummm…what’s that I see? It looks like a paper towel!


You’re asking me to do the impossible! There ARE NO PAPER TOWELS HERE!


I am now in direct violation of the recommendations of the government—thanks a lot, you over-glorified air vent.
So fuck you, hand dryers. Fuck you very much

Pedestrian Patrol--A New Hero During Uncertain Times

Howdy ho, Domiteers! I have a little bit of a story/rant behind today’s post. You see, a friend of mine was telling me how the campus security was starting to issue tickets to people who were jaywalking on campus grounds. I will be honest—we aren’t that big of a school. We have a maximum of 2000 students, and the campus itself can be crossed by foot in about twenty minutes. Cars are only supposed to go about 20 kilometers per hour, and even if they don’t they usually see the pedestrian and stop.

This post is basically just a rant about how much it sucks being a pedestrian in Québec and how the campus security would (theoretically) start cracking down on students crossing the road any where they want. The French word for a pedestrian is piéton, which sounds suspiciously like the English word peon*, which is what you are in Québec if you are a pedestrian. Unlike lots of other students, I’ll actually wait for the cars to stop for me before I cross the road. I do this not out of courtesy or empathy for the drivers, but so I don’t get killed. I’ve got some things do to and being flattened by a Dodge Stratus isn’t one of them.

* = but with a “t” in the middle and an extra vowel sound

In case you can't read the pictures, just click on them and follow the panels like a normal comic book.