LOLEeafs, er, I mean, other teams: playoff fans rock edition

Aww, hell yeah, I'm doing another LOL posts.

As usual, all photos from Yahoo! Sports.

Hello Operator...it's the Penguins

(SCENE: SIDNEY CROSBY, JORDAN STAAL and MARC-ANDRE FLEURY are all sitting in a hotel room in Detroit.)

FLEURY: Man, I’m so bored! What do we do in Detroit for fun?

CROSBY: I dunno. We could…go bowling?

STAAL: Nah.

FLEURY: We could throw water balloons at cars.

CROSBY: I don’t think the drivers would like that much.

STAAL: We could prank call people.

CROSBY: Isn’t that illegal?

STAAL: (as he takes hotel phone and dials a random number) Maybe. (hands phone to CROSBY) Ok, just make up a fake name.

CROSBY: (in phone) Uh, hi. This is Fakey Fakename…erton. Uhhh… (to STAAL and FLEURY) What do I do now?

FLEURY: Ask if dere refrigerator is running!

CROSBY: Is you refrigerator malfunctioning?

ANSWERER: Actually, Yes, it has been for the past two GODDAMN WEEKS and NONE of you lazy sonsaBITCHES can seem to get off your asses come and take a look at…

STAAL: Just hang up, just hang up (CROSBY hangs up the phone) Ooh, DUDE! Gimme the phone, I got a great one! (dials number) It’s ringing…ringing…Hello, is this the residence of Eric Staal?

ERIC STAAL: Uh, yeah, Eric speaking. Why may I ask are you calling?

JORDAN STAAL: I’m from the Pittsburgh Penguins and it seems your brother Jordan just broke his ankle and we were wondering if you’d come in and substitute.

ERIC STAAL:…seriously?

JORDAN STAAL: No way, I’m just FOOLING with ya, man! (hangs up phone and all three laugh hysterically)

FLEURY: I got good one! (takes phone and dials number) Hello, I, uh, (giggles) Sidney Crosby. And if you (giggles) hit self on head with da phone (giggles) I give you a million dollars.

FEMALE ANSWERER: You don’t sound anything like Sidney Crosby!

FLEURY: I have a bad hallergies. (hangs up) She didn’t fall for it. So disappointing.

CROSBY: Wait guys, I got one. (CROSBY takes phone and dials a number. FLEURY’s cell phone rings)

FLEURY: Allo?

STAAL: Sid, you can’t prank call somebody when they’re in the room with you. It just doesn’t work.

CROSBY: Aw, shucks.

LOLeafs...er, Penguins edition

Well, I haven't been able to do LOLeafs for a while, what with them not being in the playoffs and all. I guess I'll just have to feature different teams. As always, glove tap to Yahoo! Sports for the pretty pictures (credit for all:AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

Firday YouTube Yoinkage, February 22, 2008

That's right, everyone: in between reading about prostitutes, I'm also listening to the Leafs game and...mailing in the FYY.
This week's theme is Hockey having Fun with the Press

Thanks to HLOG, I stumbled upon the audio diaries of Evgeni Malkin and have been giggling and spouting "PEPPER!" as a result. Here’s the one where he talks about his car commercial. I thought Malkin was the best acting one—he conveys such power and strength without saying a word. The audio is here.

This one is just classic: Ovie gets a pie in the face. His reaction is coddamn priceless. I heard someone compare him to a Cirque du Soleil person, which strangely fits.


This third clip is a great oldie from Brendan Shanahan. The subtitles just add to it and make it even better:

Sid vs. Kid?

There’s a poster outside of the Tim Horton’s here on campus. I’d put up a picture, but my computer is acting really wonky. Instead, I’ll describe it: Sidney Crosby is standing surrounded by about half a rink’s worth of TimBits. Not the donuts, but the little hockey players. For some reason, this poster creeps me out. Then, I got to thinking about a site I saw a while back: http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/ . I decided to see how I think Sidney would do.

Question 1
What's your body type? Sidney’s a pro hockey player, so I choose Athletic.

Question 2
How's your reach of your arms?
From the pictures I can see, his arms aren’t overly long or short, so I pick average

Question 3
Which best describes your sense of balance
He seems to have pretty good balance to me, even though he goes down a lot (hehehehe). I pick average for this as well

Question 4
How high can you kick?
I’ve seen some pretty good footwork from Sidney the Kidney. I’ll say more than three.

Question 5
How tall are you?
According to yahoo, he’s 5’11”. According to Wikipedia, the average height for a man 18-24 in Canada is… 5' 10.9". So average height.

Question 6
How old are you?
He’s 20.
Section 2:

Question 7
Do you have any martial arts experience?
Not that I know of…

Question 8
In your lifetime, how many fights have you been in?
Well, there was this one time…

Question 9
Do you have any experience fighting swarms, such as being chased by a bunch of pissed-off bees or playing starcraft against the Zerg?
Does running from crazed puckbunnies count? I reluctantly answer yes to this one.

Question 10
Have you ever been trampled? (by a horse, at a rock concert, etc)
I’m just going to assume no on this one.

Question 11
If desperate in a fight, would you resort to biting and/or eye-gouging? (Do you fight dirty?)
Somehow I doubt this, but then again, this is purely hypothetical. I’ll say maybe.

Question 12
How would you feel about the fact that you're fighting a bunch of kids?
The choices:
1: This is so wrong - these are children for pete's sake. I don't think I could fight them, even in self defense.
2: I'll do what I have to and fight just hard enough to win
3: To hell with morality, I'd be too busy pile-driving, crane-kicking, and bare-knuckle bashing them all the way back to kindergarten
I think he’d start out all moral and what-not, but by the end he’d start panicking and forget who he is. I’ll choose the deuce in that case.

Question 13
During the fight, would you feel morally comfortable picking up a child and using him/her as a weapon to throw at other children?
I’m not sure if he’d even think of that…so no

The score for Sidney Crosby is…
20

Now for comparison, I filled it out for me. Keep the following in mind: I’m skinny, average height (like 5’5”ish), nonathletic, the same age as Sid, but crazy. What I got was…
14

Snarky Joke Wedneday...replacement?

You know what? Instead of a snarky joke, today, I'm in a bit of a giving spirit (especially since I found out thatthe exam I thought was today is tomorrow, but that doesn't matter.) Instead, I'm just going to link to one of my favourite holiday specials as a kid, "A Wish for Wings that Work." I was so stoked when I found it a few days ago on YouTube that I totally skipped over studying French grammar to watch it (not like I needed the bribing, but still...)

Embedding has been diabled, so I'm just going to link it:

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5QI4ESioUM

part 2:


part 3:


I think I always enjoyed it because it featured a penguin (which I thought was an awesome animal) who has a butt that falls off when he gets too cold. Plus it isn't your "typical" Christmas special. So, enjoy!

Sidney Sings!

I started out this post with the intention of doing a full parody of the song "Part of Your World" with Sidney Crosby on vocals, but for some reason the words ain't coming. What's below is what came out, and at this point I'm sick of trying to force out words but I still wanted to use that picure of Sid (at least I think it's him) during his LHJMQ days simply because it cracks me up everytime I see it. (picture credit: stolen from the Facebook group "Hockey Players Run the Show Wherever They Go") l

ook at the trophies
ain’t they all neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn’t you think I’m the Bluenose
The Bluenose with it all?
....
I’ve got assists and point totals a-plenty
I've got TimBits and Gatorade galore
you want a Reebok Pittsburgh Penguins Sidney Crosby Winter Classic Youth Vintage Premier Jersey ?
I’ve got plenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

I wanna be where the puck bunnies are
I wanna see, wanna see them jumpin’
Jiggling around all those—whaddya call ‘em? Oh yeah—boobies.


Waxin your stick you don’t get too far
...
Laughin’ along with my—what’s that word again? oh yeah--Friends
...
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world
...
off of the rink
wouldn’t you think?
I’m part of that world

Marc-Andre Fleury Between the Pipes against...Munchkins?

Last night, as usual, I was following the Yahoo coverage of the Leafs/Penguins game instead of studying for a final I have on Monday (screw Montainge, Molière and all those other old dead French guys!) In between bits of action, I was perusing the gallery to see if there were some pretty pictures that I could steal (all pictures in this post credit Dave Sandford/Getty Images, by the way.) I came across this picture:

My first thought was, “Wow, I didn’t know that Marc-Andre Fleury was that tall.” It looked like he was talking to the opposing goalie (keep in mind the Yahoo gallery has pictures that are the size of postage stamps, so I couldn’t really see the colours or design until I enlarged it). It was only when I checked on the caption that I understood the truth: TORONTO - DECEMBER 1: Marc-Andre Fleury #29 of the Pittsburgh Penguins chats with Marcus Sorentino #30 of the Vaughn Panthers Minor Atom Single A Team during an open practice before facing the Toronto Maple Leafs in their NHL game at the Air Canada Centre December 1, 2007 in Toronto, Ontario. (Photo By Dave Sandford/Getty Images)
(sidenote: I spy a Nova Scotian flag in the background of that first one, which would make my friend Dan very happy to see. Apparently, the Pens have this guy from Nova Scotia who’s got a chick’s name and supposed to be an ok player—you ever heard of him?) So, I guess it was apparently Fleury versus a bunch of munchkins last night?
Maybe they weren’t munchkins—maybe TimBits. Either way they’re tasty. Mmmm….donuts…Wait—what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Fleury versus a bunch of tykes.

At first it seems like a one sided contest. Just look at those pads. They’re the same size as the kids fer Chrissake! Then I happened upon this photo:

*Dive, dive captain!* I want to say he’s just hamming it up for the kiddies, but then again...
Whatever he was doing, it made want to go back and re-watch the "Stanley's Cup" episode of South Park, which I did right after the game.

P.S: the death stare/picture memo worked again. I wonder how it will do against a team not currently in Powersuck mode.