Monday, September 27, 2010

Maple Leafs Chat: Stache-Dance, What a Feeling!

***Welcome to the official chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs!***
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: Well boys, I’ve been watching you in the preseason, and I have to ask, WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU?
MaiHartWilDion: Coach Wilson, if I may suggest something as captain…
MaiHartWilDion: I think the reason we’ve been underperforming is…we need to grow bitchen’ staches.
KesselRun81Parsecs: Dude, I’ve always WANTED a bitchen’ stache!
Komi_Kazi: Yeah, moustaches for all!
Hey_Kule_aid: /stares blankly ahead
Caputi_Call: Yeah, we can grow staches and look like firefighters!
MonstersBall: Or somebody’s dad!
Komi_Kazi: We can even do it for cancer stuff. It’ll be great!
Death_Kabs_4QT: Excuse me, but I do not understand how growing moustaches will help our game.
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: Well, Kabbie, you would kinda look like Freddie Mercury if you had a mustache.
Death_Kabs_4QT: …and that’s awesome.
BrownGoesBrown: I think I can help you guys out here…
Komi_Kazi: Wait, who are you?
BrownGoesBrown: I’m Mike Brown. I’ve been playing with you guys this whole preseason.
MaiHartWilDion: Nah, you can’t be Mike.
BrownGoesBrown: Why not? I’ve been Mike my whole life!
MaiHartWilDion: Nah, it’s just that we already have a Mike, We can’t have two Mikes. People will get confused. Your new name is Sprinkles.
Komi_Kazi: Sprinkles…I like it.
BrownGoesBrown: But why do I have to be Sprinkles?
Komi_Kazi: I was Mike before you were.
BrownGoesBrown: O..kay, but why Sprinkles?
MaiHartWilDion: I dunno. I figure it’s funny to be able to say stuff like “Good goal, Sprinkles!” and “Kick his ass, Sprinkles!”
BrownGoesBrown: I think it might be a bit demeaning and insulting, is all.
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: Quit causing trouble, Sprinkles!
MaiHartWilDion: See, that’s why I’m captain.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

An Open letter to All Leafs Fans From Mikhail Grabovski

Hellos Fannings of Leafs,

Is Mikhail Grabovski. I am knowing of crazy stuff on internet about fight I had in Vancouver. Is crazy shit talk, and I am here for settings it right.

First, in Belarus, we have been taught to never make fist with women. I am still shock at North America, where I see not only is fisting with women ok, but people charge money to watch it in Internet! In Belarus, you make fist with womans, she hits you back twice as hard! What a country!

This legal suit is especially crazy because Vancouver was nutso while Olympics. Every night, drunk peoples in streets and places, cheering, yelling, singing songs real loud. Was crazy! Was crazy night when fight break out, like 10 or 12 people all kung fu fighting. Is a little bit frightening.

But anyway, I no start fight with any stupid Habs fan. Even if they are, as we say in Belarus, a bag of douche. I could no start fight with a BROKEN WRIST. I silly talk that I start fight because not only was wrist broken, but I discover great drink called Piña Colada! Luke Schenn tell me of Garth Brooks, who is country man who sings about Piña Coladas. He is much strong fine man to sing of these:

But seriously, these piña colada thingys are like dessert you drink. Is much tasties.

As Leafs player this year, I promise you much Habs fist-beating, much puck-scoring, and many more fun pictures. For Halloween, I may don eyepatch because I look like guy in “Escape from New York” and “Escape from LA.” I no see it, but Dion Phaneuf tells me it win like 12 Oscars of explosions.

Oh well, it is time for rest and training for Mikhail. Go Leafs go!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Friday Youtube Yoinkage September 17, 2010

For this week, I typed in "Leafs party" and here's what I found

Clip one is opening night of 2009 at the Air Canada Centre. It seems like a fun time. At about minute in, I wonder at the guy who has a jersey on with a name and no number.

Clip two is called "Leafs wipeout party" I'm not sure what happened beyond some kid scoring on himself with himself and falling down a lot. If this kid really wanted this video to get into comedy gold territory, he should have had more nut shots.

Clip three has a drunk girl crowd surfing in Dundas Square after Canada won gold in hockey. I approve.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Friday Youtube Yoinkage September 9, 2010

You know something? I like hockey. I like desserts. I wonder what hockey desserts one may find on youtube. However, I may be way off, since I could only watch these clips without sound...

Clip one is "hockey puck pastry." Apparently, some place in Vegas has a kickass dessert bar.

Clip two has some Phantoms fans dancing for dessert

clip three is coverage of the business that will be selling cupcakes at teh New York Islanders games next season. I would happily go to an Islanders game and eat multiple cupcakes. (hint, hint Kevin)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Maple Leafs Chat: The Camp Prank

***Welcome to the Leafs’s locker room! ***
NOT_BOBBY: (WHISPERED) Luke, check out Versteeg’s stall, it’s gonna be great!
SchennSational: What? Why?
NOT_BOBBY: Shh! Shh! Here he comes!
NOT_BOBBY: /giggles
Versteeglicious: Who the hell put shaving cream in my shoe?
NOT_BOBBY: /laughing madly
SchennSational: Dude…seriously?
NOT_BOBBY: So Kris, how are those skates treating you?
Versteeglicious: Well, they felt ok, but they’ve been better. They would have been better if I had my right-handed skate lace puller.
NOT_BOBBY: /giggles
NOT_BOBBY:  Wait, what?
Versteeglicious: Yeah, back in Chicago Marian Hossa brought over a right handed lace puller from Europe and we all ended up using them. And you know what happened then…
***Welcome to Canadian Tire Chat room! ***
NOT_BOBBY: Excuse me, do you have any right-handed lace pullers?
CANADIAN TIRE EMPLOYEE: Uh…my manager’s no here today….so….
NOT_BOBBY: Ah, fuck it
***Welcome to Grocery store chatroom! ***
NOT_BOBBY: Hey, do you sell right-handed lace pullers?
GROCERY STORE EMPLOYEE: What are you talking about?
NOT_BOBBY: Ah, fuck it
***Welcome to Hair salon chat room!***
NOT_BOBBY: Do you sell lace pullers?
WOMAN AT HAIR SALON: Sir, this is a hair salon!
NOT_BOBBY: ….fuck it, I need a haircut anyway.
***Welcome to I_RON_BUTTERFLY’S office! I_RON_BUTTERFLY is on the phone !***
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: I want his dog dead. His family, dead. I want (sees ORR)…listen, I’ll call you back.
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: /hangs up
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: So, Colton, what brings you here? Dead hookers? Punch the wrong guys?
NOT_BOBBY: Nah, Coach, do you know where I can find a right-handed lace puller? I’ve looked all over and I can’t find it anywhere.
I_RON_BUTTERFLY : How retarded are you? There’s no—
*** SchennSational has entered the chat room!***
SchennSational : Coach Wilson, do you know where I can find a right-handed lace puller? Versteeg said it was really helpful last year in Chicago.
NOT_BOBBY: I think Canadian Tire sells them.
SchennSational: Thanks, man!
*** SchennSational has left the chat room!***
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: The hell just happened?

Friday, September 3, 2010

Friday Youtube Yoinkage September 3, 2010

It's been a long, hard off season, that's why this week's theme is LET'S HAVE A MUTHAFUCKIN' DANCE PARTY

Clip one: PARTY IN THE USA! 

CLIP TWO: it's "September" by earth, Wind, and Fire. I DARE you to not boogie to this.

CLIP THREE: Goalie gonna make you SWEAT!

you know what? You've been good. FOURTH CLIP! MOAR GOALIE DANCING


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