Firday Youtube Yoinkage: Mustachulence!

Since November is MOvember for prostate cancer awareness (I'd totally do it, except I'm female and can't) , and since Kavel Pubina and Karina at Pension Plan puppets suggested it, I decided to make this issue of the FYY a tribute to great hockey mustaches.

Clip one is, naturally, the Wendel Clark "All Heart" tribute. The man had a 'stash of greatness from the word "go"

Clip two is an interview with keeper of West Coast stachulence, gentleman and scholar George Parros:


Clip three is a look at MHL10 featuring Ian White (who might have given this interview after chugging a Costco-sized bottle of cough syrup) and Wendel Clark. It's almost too much mushstachulence.

It's a Wendelful life, the conclusion!

part one
Part two
CLARK: Tell me Tomas, you ever feel worried for the future of the Leafs? Are you ever worried about who will lead them if you’re not there?
KABERLE: I’m sure the leafs will find someone competent to be captain
CLARK: Did you know that three months after you died, Hollweg got the Captain’s C?
KABERLE: Hollweg? No….
CLARK: yes. It kinda blindsided everyone
KABERLE:No! It can’t happen! I can’t die! I have to stop Ryan Hollweg from becoming captain! Wendel—thank you, for showing me—
CLARK: Don’t mention it. But since you almost went through with a suicide by Wendel, I am gonna hafta punch out at least half of your blood. But I’ll leave some towels, and some juice and cookies—like when you donate blood—to make you feel better.
KABERLE: I suppose that is the best I could hope for. It seems a fair compromise (CLARK proceeds to punch out precisely half of KABERLE ‘s blood. KABERLE wakes up half a day later in his kitchen.)

KABERLE: (groggy) uhhhh God I feel terrible...but Wendel did leave me a bunch if towels on the floor and both a carton of orange juice and a bag of Oreos on the counter. He may be an unstoppable killing machine but at least he’s a man of his word. Wait a minute... I can feel pain again! I’M ALIVE! (Stands up) I’m ALIVE and...dizzy as hell, but still alive. I better take the juice and cookies with me (grabs juice and cookies) I have to tell people I’m still alive! (KABERLE runs out the door while periodically drinking form the juice bottle and eating cookies)
KABERLE: I’m still alive! Go Leafs go! GO LEAFS GO! (runs into light post)
BYSTANDER: You ok? You hit that light post pretty hard
KABERLE: (shakes head) I think that undid the Janssen hit! I can cross check without fear now!(checks BYSTANDER to the ground) GO LEAFS GO! (KABERLE continues as such until he reaches the practice rink, where the team has just finished training for the day)
STAJAN: Oh good, Kabby, you are ok. We tried calling and didn’t get any answers.
KABERLE: Oh Matt, you aren’t drunk are you?
STAJAN: No...why would I be drunk? I never drink before noon—
KABERLE: Oh thank GOD! And Lee, Lee Stempniak, nobody shot you in the face!
STEMPNIAK: Uh, no, last time I checked my face was still whole
(HOLLWEG enters talking to MITCHELL)
HOLLWEG: so then I say to her ‘Babe , the way things are going in the Leafs, I could be the next captain of the Leafs’
KABERLE :(To Stajan) Here, hold these (hands over cookies and juice) (to HOLLWEG) You’ll be captain over my dead body (KABERLE ninja kicks HOLLWEG in the face, knocking him unconscious)
STAJAN: Wow Kabs, that was kick ass!
STEMPNIAK: More like kick face!
MITCHELL: that was probably the awesomest thing I have ever seen you do...ever

It's a Wendelful Life, part 1

(SCENE: TOMAS KABERLE is sitting alone in a very dreary room)
KABERLE: Man, I have never felt so alone. I wonder if what the boys say is true…
(KABERLE takes out mirror)
KABERLE: Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark. (WENDEL CLARK appears in the room with KABERLE)
CLARK: What the? You better have a damn good reason for calling me! I just got in my Leafs jammies and was about to go to bed!
KABERLE: Aren’t you going to punch all of my blood out? Could you do that please?
CLARK: I’ve seen you play and you have great skills. Why would you want me to punch out your blood?
KABERLE: I just…I can’t take the pressure of the Leafs anymore. I lost whatever you call it…
CLARK: What? Pep? Oomph? Awesomeness?
KABERLE: whatever.
CLARK: Look, normally I’d just punch you out and leave, but since I’ve seen you on the TV and stuff and I know you got good things to come, I’ll show you what could happen if you leave now.
KABERLE: You can do that?
(Somehow—Magicalness FTW—CLARK And KABERLE are transported to what appears to be a funeral attended by the Leafs. Nobody notices this sudden appearance)
KABERLE: How did that happen? Where are we?
CLARK: Well, obviously magic.
KABERLE: But there’s no such thing as magic!
CLARK: Shush! It’s not polite to talk during a funeral!
KABERLE: Is this…MY… funeral? But why did we get here just at the end?
CLARK: Look, I can only do so much, You didn’t want to be here for the WHOLE sobfest didya?
KUBINA: I can’t believe Kabs is just…GONE
WHITE: God, I know. And it was so weird how he died.
KUBINA: Did they say what it was?
WHITE: Nobody can figure it out—the rumour is that they found him on his kitchen floor with all of his blood knocked out, like, with a punch or something. But no one ever found any weapons or anything.
KUBINA:Oh man, that’s terrible.
SCHENN: It sounds like that Mexican lizard thingy, whatchacallit...that sucks the blood out of goats? Chupacabra?
WHITE: But we’re in Toronto. Isn’t that a bit far north for a Mexican lizard thingy?
KUBINA: You never know, with global warming and stuff.
KABERLE: This is so depressing
CLARK: Well, it IS a funeral after all
KABERLE: I meant the chupacabra discussions. Gah, look at Matt Stajan. He’s crying more than my wife is
STAJAN: Kabby was just...SO YOUNG! (sobbing)
KABERLE: Man, I thought I was depressed before, this is just disturbing
CLARK: What do you mean?
KABERLE: Matt Stajan always seemed so happy go lucky and optimistic
CLARK:Then you should see what happens after this (CLARK transports KABERLE to just outside of STAJAN’s window. STAJAN is lying on his couch unshaven and in pyjamas with empty bottles of orange juice and vodka on the floor, with crumpled up tissues everywhere. STAJAN’s girlfriend KATIE enters)
KATIE: Matt, honey, are you ok?
STAJAN: ehhhnnnnnn
KATIE: I mean, all you’ve done for three days is cry, drink, and watch Family Guy.
STAJAN: ehhhhhhhhnnnnnnnn
KATIE: It’s as if you’re some sort of zombie. I’m worried.
STAJAN: EhhHHHHHHHHNNNNNnnnnn...I need more orange juice
KABERLE: So after I die, Matty becomes some sad drunk?
CLARK: Well, you see, he was pretty shaken up at Wellwood being on waivers. Then Carlo and Steen got traded. Just when he was almost over that you died. Now, a trade is easier to get over since they may get traded back, but a death is mighty hard to get over. It just broke him and his bedroom eyes.
KATIE: Matty, please don’t tell me you’re doing a Wellwood
STAJAN: There’s not enough food and coffee and food in North America for two Wellwoods...WELLY! (starts sobbing again)
KABERLE: I hate seeing him like this.
CLARK: Oh that’s nothing compared to other people on the team

Be sure to tune in next for another installment of "It's a Wendelful Life!"