Sunday, March 29, 2009

LOLeafs: Bale out Edition

Because it's been a long-ass, frustrating week, LOLeafs are all I have for now. As of late, I find the Christan Bale remix oddly comforting (lyrics very NSFW)

Friday, March 27, 2009

Friday Youtube Yoinkage March 27, 2009

Another Friday, another round of yoinkage of a clip trio. Today's theme is the one and only Luke Schenn. Note that I am not responsible for any melted panties or impregnations resulting from this post. By reading this sentence you are consenting to whatever may happen and are agreeing to not hold me liable.

OK, so with that out of the way, onto the clips!

Clip one: Luke likes to bowl. GO Luke, Go!

Clip two:Luke Schenn behind the draft

Clip three:Luke plays NHL '09 with some guy I've never seen

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

post! at another place

Over at Barry Melrose Rocks, I have a new fake chat room that I hacked my way into. You guys should check it out.

Anyway, here's Grabovski with an important message for Flames players:

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Cooking with the NHL, part two

I know it’s been a long time since the last volume of cooking with the NHL, but I keep getting recipes from people.

Max Talbot’s Oreo Cheesecake
1: Buy a plain cheesecake. Make sure you throw out the box so they think you made it yourself.
2: Crumble Oreos on top of it
3: pour chilled Boone’s farm (any flavor) into your finest dollar store serving glasses
4: wait for the hot bitches to arrive.

Eggs a la Hollweg
(interesting story: An odd young man smelling faintly of bacon grease and pickles with a greasy mullet and wannabe pirate mustache stopped me one day and pressed a greasy napkin into my hand. On that napkin was the following recipe, hastily scribbled. I have yet to see that man again)
I eat this often an it’s pretty tasty.
Pot of water
Buttload of eggs

1: get a pot full of water and put it on a hotplate.
2: throw in some salt. I dunno how much cuz I don’t mess around with fairy shit like “smidgen.”
3: put in your eggs, shell an all in the pot. Cover the pot
4: put on “2 girls 1 cup” (Dir. R. Hollweg), jerk off an fall asleep
5: wake up 2 hours later
6: how the fuck did I burn eggs?
7: say “fuck it” an call Dominoes

Kyle Wellwood’s English muffin pizzas
You know, I’ve enjoyed English muffin pizzas for a long time, but since I joined the Canucks, I’ve discovered a whole new twist!
You will need:
English muffins
Ketchup (or spaghetti sauce if you’re feeling fancy)
Cheese (whatever kind you like, personally I use the square kind in the little wrappers)
BBQ potato chips, crushed
“Vancity spice”, as desired

1: cut the English muffins and put them on a cookie sheet lined with aluminum foil
2:cover muffins with ketchup, “Vancity spice”, cheese, chips, more “Vancity spice” (Note: I’ve also used different toppings in addition to these, like bacon, peppers, and a can of frosting. Feel free to play around with the ingredients a bit if you like.)
3: bake in oven at 425 F for about 15 minutes or until the muffins are toasted and the cheese is melted, or until you just can’t wait to eat them.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, March 20, 2009

This week's theme is Vesa Toskala, Finnish stud

Clip one: honestly, you can't have a Toskala clip show without a mention of Mickey Mouse Shirts and mahnpurrses:

Clip two: Vesa Toskala gives a very odd interview in Finnish:

Clip three: Vesa Toskala shows how terrible he is at bowling:

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Antro Poni Awesome show, Episode 3: Moving On

(SCENE: ALEXEI PONIKAROVSKY and RYAN HOLLWEG are sitting on a pair of metal folding chairs in PONIKARVOSKY’S basement. Behind HOLLWEG’s chair is a life sized cardboard standup of NIK ANTROPOV. An old video camera is mounted on a tripod, filming the pair)

PONIKAROVSKY: Hallo and welcomes to Poni Super Awesome Sho that is Excellent. Thanks to trade deadline, there is no Antro (almost cries) so I need new cohost. Today I bring you Ryan Hollweg!
HOLLWEG: Thanks for having me Poni, but uh, this Antro cut out is kinda creeping me out. It’s like the eyes just stare into your soul—
HOLLWEG: Look, I know you’re probably still hurting over the trade, but—
PONIKAROVSKY: NEVER MIND! Now, what is it like on Marlies Squad?
(into to Like a Boss--lyrics NSFW-- comes out of nowhere)
HOLLWEG: Nothing special.
PONIKAROVSKY: Is a typical day for Marlies like playing for the Leafs?
HOLLWEG: Well, it’s pretty similar, but there are some differences.
PONIKAROVSKY: like what?
HOLLWEG: well, the first thing I do is…

Slick my hair back (Like a Boss!)
With Bacon grease (Like a Boss!)
Drink some coffee (Like a Boss!)
Work my gluets (Like a Boss!)
Mock Tlusty (Like a Boss!)
Eat some pickles (Like a Boss!)
Cross check old ladies (Like a Boss!)
From behind (Like a Boss!)
Hit on puck sluts (Like a Boss!)
Get rejected (Like a Boss!)
Baloney sandwich (Like a Boss!)
Check my email (Like a Boss!)
No messages (Like a Boss!)
Start a fight (Like a Boss!)—oh shit, man I can’t fuckin do it sheeeeeiiit
Get my ass kicked (Like a Boss!)
Prank call Pogge (Like a Boss!)
Fifth of whiskey (Like a Boss!)
Piss on some lady (Like a Boss!)
Shoot myself (Like a Boss!)
In the face (Like a Boss!)
Now I’m dead!

PONIKAROVSKY: And this is normal day for you?
HOLLWEG: Hell yeah
PONIKAROVSKY: You piss on ladies and died?
HOLLWEG: I’m Like a Boss!
PONIKAROVSKY: Yea, you say dat like a thousand times.
HOLLWEG: Like a Boss!
PONIKAROVSKY: Schenn, get out here! (LUKE SCHENN appears and knocks HOLLWEG to the ground)
SCHENN: You are now carrying my child.

Hey you!

Check out my post at Barry Melrose rocks! I (fake) interview Mike Van Ryn!

Monday, March 16, 2009

A Special Birthday Wish

March 16 is a special day for me. It marks the birth of someone who is very important to the Barilkosphere.

This individual has provided countless amounts of laughs and joy to Leafs fans everywhere.

Without this person, Internet Leafs fans would be sorely lacking in laughs, general coolness, and Bow chicka Wow Wows.

So everyone join me in saying...

Happy Birthday Jiri Tlusty!photo from:

Friday, March 13, 2009

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, March 13, 2009

OK, SO I know I'm a bum for not updating as often as I should. However, I've been over at PPP working on the dictionary of all our inside jokes. Her are some video that have been taking over my time instead of working over here.

Clip one: ten great "Bow Chicka Wow Wows" from Red vs Blue. I needed it for the dictionary and then I just kept hitting repeat

clip two: Chongalicious. Thanks to Wrap, all I hear is "I use my Sharpie lip line"

clip three:The always classic Presidential address from "Idiocracy"

Sunday, March 8, 2009

LOLeafs: like when you was a kid edition

For additional funniness, imagine White's saying it like in this classic Eddie Murphy bit:

I don't know about this one. It NEEDS a caption, but I don't have one for it

Friday, March 6, 2009

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, March 6 2009

Today's theme is fun with media types.

clip one: announcer Randy Moller has some fun calling goals for the Florida Panthers.

clip two: Ryan Hollweg does a pretty good Chris Farley impersonation. This almost makes him squee worthy. Almost

clip three: Jeremy Williams, Alexei Ponikarovsky and Nik Antropov (WAH!) talk about...random stuff

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Antro and Poni Super Awesome show 2: Time to Say goodbye

(SCENE: ALEXEI PONIKAROVSKY, NIK ANTROPOV and DOMINIC MOORE are sitting on some folding chairs in ANTROPOV’s basement. A video camera is set up on a tripod filming them.)
ANTROPOV: Hello! I am Nik Antropov!
PONIKAROVSKY: An I is Alex Ponikarovsky!
ANTROPOV: Welcome to Antrov and Poni Awesome Show that Is Good.
PONIKAROVSKY: Why is your name first? All the time, “Antro and Poni”
ANTROPOV: Dat’s how they do it in hockey, is by last names.
PONIKAROVSKY: But by first names, Alexei comes before Nik.
MOORE: Uh, guys...
PONIKAROVSKY: Sorry. And we also has special guest, Serial Killer college boy—
ANTROPOV: (harsh whisper)Don’t say that to his face!
PONIKAROVSKY: (harsh whisper): Why not? Why are you whispering?
ANTROPOV: (whisper) He’s right THERE!
MOORE: So, uh, I’m Dominic Moore and—
PONIKAROVSKY: (normal voice) Right. Is big show today. We gots Dominic Moore who is totally not a serial killer like the guy from dat show, and later we has Matt Stajan for talkings about stuff.
(ANTROPOV’s phone rings)
ANTROPOV: Hello? And wha? To where? (sad face) ok. Ok. (hangs up) I’d traded to Rangers of New York.
PONIKAROVSKY: Wha? Oh noes, it cants…(breaks down crying)
ANTROPOV: Is ok Poni, I shell be Ranger of New York, which is better than being Ranger of Old York, with Chuck Norris.
MOORE: Chuck Norris isn’t on the Rangers, that was just some dumb TV show!
PONIKAROVSKY: You’s ruining moment (ANTROPOV starts bawling as well)
ANTROPOV: I promised I wouldn’t cry…
STAJAN (From backstage, which is a shower curtain): DAMMIT! Why do all my friends keep getting traded?! Fuck this! I’m going to Tim’s and getting some donuts! And then...somewhere to get a bottle of tequila! (Storms out of basement)
(MOORE’s phone rings)
MOORE: Hello? Yeah. To Buffalo?...oh. Ok. Uh, thanks. Yeah, I can be there. Ok. (MOORE hangs up, looks left and looks right, sneaks away from sobbing PONIKAROVSKY and ANTROPOV.) Buffalo can’t be that bad, can it?

But really, Rebel_Yell and Antrobot_80000, thanks for everything.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Maple Leafs Chat: TomasKaberle's Bad Night

***Welcome to the Official Chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs***
Schenn_Sational: Man, I have such a headache!
SonOfAMitch: Yeah, I’m really feeling last night.
DeathKabs_4_QT:What happened?
White Lightning: Me, Schenner and Mitchell were hanging out. We were having a Smash Brothers Tournament
Schenn_Sational: We must’ve had like 36 pixie sticks each!
DeathKabs_4_QT: In a row?
SonOfAMitch: and like 6 Red Bulls and a LOT of cookies
White Lightning: We didn’t get any sleep, we were just, like, bouncing off the walls from so much sugar.
Schenn_Sational: I don’t even remember much, I just remember I somehow won with Zelda
DeathKabs_4_QT: You guys, that’s not a bad night. Let me tell you about a bad night
***Welcome to flashback chat, two seasons ago, outside of some random titty bar***
SundinBloodySundin: Man, I hate waiting in lines!
DeathKabs_4_QT: I know! I cannot believe a place like this has a line!
McCable_and_Ready: I’m cold and hungry…and horny
***BaaaadMuthaTucker and Pavel_Road haven entered the chat room!***
BaaaadMuthaTucker: Wow Bryan, The missus let you out!
McCable_and_Ready: She said as long as I looked but didn’t touch she wouldn’t cut my balls off.
DeathKabs_4_QT: I thought she did already. *snicker*
SundinBloodySundin: So why are you two so late?
BaaaadMuthaTucker: well, Pavel here had to make a pharmacy trip and he didn’t know where it was and—hey wait a sec, we’re only like 3 minutes late!
Pavel_Road: /grunts
Pavel_Road: stupid Swedes gots to be right early for everthing and makes the rest of us look like douches. Whatever. Who wants a Vicodin?
McCable_and_Ready:I do! I want one!
DeathKabs_4_QT: No you don’t. Vicodin makes you all weepy and I don’t want to babysit you again.
SundinBloodySundin: Hey, we can go in now! Pay the man, Darcy.
DeathKabs_4_QT: did you think the captain of the Leafs pays his own way into strip clubs?
BaaaadMuthaTucker: What about you and McCabe?
McCable_and_Ready: A’s don’t pay either.
BaaaadMuthaTucker: Does Captain Hobo Beard pay to get in?
Pavel_Road: Of course!
Pavel_Road:/hands envelope of painkillers to bouncer
***all enter Titty Bar Chat room!***
DeathKabs_4_QT: I don’t know why I even bother coming out anymore. You pay to get in, you stand around in a dark room and pay to drink overpriced alcohol…it’s just a good way to waste money.
SundinBloodySundin: Then why do you come out?
DeathKabs_4_QT: well, somebody has to watch McCabe
DeathKabs_4_QT: Bryan! Leave that woman’s ear alone!
Bar_keep: Why are you pulling my ear?
McCable_and_Ready: But her earrings are so dangly and shiny!
Announcer: Let’s hear a round of applause for Amber!
Bar_goers: /scattered applause
Announcer: Now on the main stage give it up for Taffy!
***TaffyTheStripper has entered the chat room***
Pavel_Road : I think I knew you as Karamela, but hi!
BaaaadMuthaTucker: wait, you two know each other?
Pavel_Road : You win a cup it means it’s raining hot bitches
McCable_and_Ready: Oh man! I don’t have any paper money…
BaaaadMuthaTucker: What kind of idiot goes to a titty bar without paper money? Actually…don’t answer that.
McCable_and_Ready: well, it looks like all have is this pocket of loonies and toonies. Oh well—MAKE IT RAIN!
McCable_and_Ready: /throws change at TaffyTheStripper
TaffyTheStripper: Ow! OW!! What the hell?
BaaaadMuthaTucker: More like make it hail!
TaffyTheStripper: /slips on change
TaffyTheStripper: /sprains ankle
SundinBloodySundin: Oh, shit! the manager’s coming, let’s get out of here!
***all exit the titty bar!***
McCable_and_Ready: Hey guys…what’s that place over there?
BaaaadMuthaTucker: “Skybow”? I’ve never heard of it.
SundinBloodySundin: Wow! The chicks are so desperate they’re dancing with each other!
DeathKabs_4_QT: Guys, I have a bad feeling about this…
***all enter Skybow chat room***
Bar_keep: What in the hell do you boys think you’re doing in here?
DeathKabs_4_QT: This is a lesbian bar, isn’t it? Hehe, you see, my friends didn’t know that and we’re just on our way out, right guys?
Bar_keep: Oh boys we don’t care about your parts, but all we care about is that all 5 of you are pylons for the Leafs. This here is a Sens bar!
Unseen_Lez: Go Sens go!
***bar_keep is now brandishing a baseball bat***
***all exit the Skybow Chatroom***
DeathKabs_4_QT: I told you guys that was a bad idea!
BaaaadMuthaTucker: A lesbian Sens bar? That’s a new one…
Pavel_Road: Oouf! What the—oh ok, I just tripped on that pile of newspapers.
SundinBloodySundin: That’s not a pile of newspapers, it’s a homeless man!
McCable_and_Ready: And it’s not just any homeless man—that’s Aki Berg!
Aki_breaky_berg: ….spare…change….?
SundinBloodySundin: Man, seeing Aki like this is just depressing.
Aki_breaky_berg: ….meth…doesn’t…buy….it…self
DeathKabs_4_QT: I dunno about you guys, but I’m just gonna go over here—
Aki_breaky_berg: Crackhead…army…assemble!
***Crackhead_army has descended on Pavel_Road, McCable_and_Ready, SundinBloodySundin, BaaaadMuthaTucker and DeathKabs_4_QT***
***Crackhead Army has beaten the everloving crap out of Pavel_Road, McCable_and_Ready, SundinBloodySundin, BaaaadMuthaTucker and DeathKabs_4_QT***
SundinBloodySundin: I think that was the fastest I’ve ever seen Aki move.
Pavel_Road : yous guys, get off me…
McCable_and_Ready: I don’t think my elbow is supposed to bend like that…
BaaaadMuthaTucker: dammit they stole my wallet!
Pavel_Road : They stole all my vicodin!
DeathKabs_4_QT: That’s it! I’m done, screw you guys, I’m going home! Getting beaten up by crackheads is where I draw the line!
***welcome back to present chat!***
SonOfAMitch: Holy crap, Kabs.
Schenn_Saitional: That IS a terrible night!
DeathKabs_4_QT: And that was all BEFORE the cops showed up. Apparently lying on the sidewalk in pain is loitering or something.
White Lightning: Man, I feel terrible for you.
DeathKabs_4_QT: Don’t worry about it. Someday, if I’m REALLY sad, I’ll tell you about the time Aki Berg saved Christmas.


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