What the HELL, Yahoo Answers?

OK, fine. I know what an intellectual abyss Yahoo Answers is. I'm fine with that.When I go there for kicks, I know I'm not getting the sharpest tools in the shed. But the two highlighted questions that are "related" questions to "A few Q's about the Leafs" has me wondering what the hell is going on. The whole million monkeys at a million typewriters hasn't churned out Hamlet yet, but frankly, I'm not surprised. Although, to be honest, I wonder if the "I wanna die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I suck!?" is at all related to the question about Vesa Toskala signing in Sweden. I'd like to imagine it is, just for laughs.

And Y!A, how DARE you invoke the name of Two girls one cup in my hockey section! Especially with this winner of an answer:

no, this is a made up "video" that does not exisit, only in the imagination of the mind.

great internet hoax that people keep perpetuating. no one has seen it.

you should see "two guys one bottle". now THAT....

Source(s):

if it ever existed it would be on youtube and everyone would have a link.:)))

Le Bouchon, you're an idiot. But at least you're just one idiot in a sea of them, so you'll have plenty of company.

Trade Deadline Update

I felt a need to update, but since the trade deadline is tomorrow, I decided to hold off on any real stories until then. Even after the deadline has passed, most of what I write immediately afterward will be time to say good bye posts. As a result, I have booze and the Batman gif ready to go. 

Let's go!

Winter Classic Float entry!

Puck Daddy's having another contest . My entry is "Mighty Chara Goes to Japan". I'd like to say that Chara is really hard to draw, so I just printed and cut and pasted it. (click to enlarge)

In case you can't figure it out, Zdeno Chara's lack of clothing has scared away Godzilla.

Friday Youtube Yoinkage: November 13, 2009

Teeny Potvin is happy to be free of his plastic prison

Today's YouTube Yoinkage is in honour of Felix Potvin, who is represented by the little figure you see here. Potvin's time on the Leafs was before my time as a fan of the Leafs, but that doesn't mean I can't dedicate a FYY to him!

Clip one is a video of the famous Potvin/Hextall fight of 1996. My favourite parts are, in descending order: Potvin and Hextall collapsing on each other, Tie Domi talking smack, Wendel Clark's WTF face, and Doug Gilmour looking amused on the side.


Clip two: I'll be honest--I did a youtube search and since Felix wore number 29, this was the 29th video. It's about the coolest masks that the Leafs have had over the years. I don't know who decided this list, but judge for yourself:


Clip three is the introductions of the Western Conference All-Stars of 1996. Felix is one of the first ones into the game, but if you keep watching, other highlights include Mats Sundin WITH hair, Chris Chelios and Joe Sakic looking a bit similar, and Chris Osgood looking really, really creepy.

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, January 9, 2009

First FYY of the year! This time I have decided to do a tribute to Matt "fuck me eyes" Stajan, just to make up for having him throw up on my shoes. Now, some of these I only previewed without sounds, so I apologize for any crappy quality

Clip one: Matt Stajan and Wendel Clark teach some little kids about hockey (link embedding is disabled, which is lame sauce)


clip two: Matt Stajan invites you to his house ACC for some event. Please, won't you come and enjoy some nice champagne with him?


clip three: You brute! You BRUTE! Oh Gods, not in the face, that's where I make my living!

Friday YouTube Yoinkage November 7, 2008

Today I celebrate what may be the best video ever on teh Youtubes. but first...

clip one: The inspirational "Boom di yada" video


Now, allow me to explain. There was a thread over at this fine Toronto Maple Leafs blog that somehow got in a discussion of bacon. the next day Blurr1974 posted this photo of a bacon tuxedo. I of course, HAD to raise him, and posted Diet Coke with bacon. With this, the Bacon wars had begun between Blurr and I to see who could find the most ridiculous bacon themed product. It culminated in this thread, many lulz were had, and there was much bacon. Winkle created his own take of the "boom di ya da" Discovery Channel thing and turned it into Bacon yada.

Music by Burr, Video by PPP's younger sister...it's awesomeness


Clip two: BACON YADA!


clip three: MOAR BACON YADA!

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, September 26, 2008

Oh balls, another FYY I totally forgot about? For shame, LD, for shame. No real theme other than I'm damn lazy and I need to put up three clips.

Clip one: How to cook a turkey using a lightbulb and some DVDs. I just wish I had thought of this back when I was still living in the dorms so I could make everyone else jealous.



Clip two: One of the best questions ever asked: Bush or Batman:


Clip three:DO I even really need to explain a mash-up of Transformers and "Intergalactic" ?

Quick question...

Hey, does anyone know of a website that has a Loser League for hockey? I've seen them for the NFL--basically you create a fantasy team with the intention of making the worst team ever. If I could find one and be commissioner, would people be interested in joining? I've never done this sort of thing before, but I'd love to do something.

Music Men at ACC

It’s odd—for some reason my computer doesn’t seem to like me commenting on certain people’s blogs. As a result, I can’t really respond to those people.

This post is my response to MF37’s post over at Bitter Leaf Fan about music choices at the ACC. Granted, I’ve never been there, but MF37 mentioned the possibility of players picking songs for whenever they score. Here are my guesses as to what they would pick:

Nik Antropov: Nik would support fellow Kazakh Corky Buchek with his song “Bing Bang”. I’m pretty sure the only way to get that song out your head is a full frontal lobotomy.

Matt Stajan: Probably “P.I.M.P” by 50 Cent (except replace “mother-fuckin” with “sock-kicking”). After all, nothing says “hard core gansta” quite like a blond hockey player from Mississauga, Ontario. The only problem is that if his girlfriend ever gets mad at him, she’ll probably sneak in and change it to “Naughty Girl” by Beyoncé.

Alex Steen: “Nerve Gonna Give You Up”, Rick Astley—“Cause, dude, it’d be, like, Rickrolling, like 20,000 people at the same time! Dude, it’d be epic!”

Jason Blake: “I Wanna be Sedated”, The Ramones—see title.

Carlo Colaiacovo: “Heart of Glass”, Blondie—give me a break, guys, I had to have at least one really cheap joke in here.

Tomas Kaberle: Kabs is a hard read for this kind of stuff. The more imaginative side of me theorizes that his fear of shooting comes from his childhood when he maimed and/or killed someone with his powerful shot (that’s why he works so hard on accuracy.) Therefore, my pick for Tomas is “Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats.

That’s what I got. If you have any suggestions, go onto the comments!

Sundin Leaving the Leafs? Hold on, lemme fetch my cootie catcher...

With regards to Mats Sundin leaving/not leaving the Leafs, does anybody else feel like a battered wife on any episode of “Cops”? You know—“Oh, he didn’t mean to hit me officer, he’s a good man”—except for Leafs fans it’s more like “He didn’t mean to talk to Montréal, he only talks about leaving for a Cup when he’s been drinking!” Personally I just wish he’d quit dicking around and actually say what he’s going to do. In the meantime, much like funerals now “celebrate the life” instead of “mourn the death”, I figure there’s only one way to memorialize his time in Toronto—that’s right, a Dee Mirch style poetry slam!

“Captain in Rainbows”

You’re a wondrous man

I see you in the rainbows

With the angels

And your disproportionately hot wife

Even the thickest of clouds

Cannot obscure the shine of your halo

While you teach Jesus how to crosscheck

Flying on your wings of gold

Defying every law of physics known to man

In hearts

In rainbows

In magical mists

In beautiful songs of the angels

Affirmed

Bryan McCabe Makes Me Giggle

Photo credit: Photo By Dave Sandford/Getty Images Is he trying to do the Macarena? Is he like, "Come on, fhqwhgads, I say come on fhqwhgads..."


Here is is auditioning for a new episode of COPS (Photo credit :AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Frank Gunn) I love how the suit is just holding him back, like, "Excuse me, sir, would you please keep you voice down? "



Photo Credit: AP Photo/Mary Schwalm, It's funny just for the expression on his face, but it gets even better when you read th official caption supplied by Yahoo:
Toronto Maple Leafs' Matt Stajan, second from left, is congratulated by teammates Alexander Steen (10), Nik Antropov, second from right, of Kazakhstan, and Mats Sundin (13), of Sweden, after scoring a goal in the second period of an NHL hockey game against the Boston Bruins on Thursday, March 6, 2008, in Boston.

o...kay.

And because I can (and because it's awesome), here's that classic youtube tribute to Bryan McCabe


and I'm off like a prom dress!

Too good to pass up: Mad Mike vs Gary Bettman

I found this on NHL's website and figured the opportunity was too good to pass up: Mike Milbury is guesting on Gary Bettman's "NHL hour" radio show. I'm hoping hilarity will ensue, so I'll be doing a semi-live blog of it.

He has "Call Me" as the theme? *snicker*

Gary's in Utah??? He isn't even in the same room? COWARD!!

Gary's talking about skiing. I kinda hope he hits a tree. Not enough to pull a Sonny Bono but enough to hurt.

Caller one starts off kissing Betty's ass. He remembers no jersey advertising, and reconfiguring a no-point overtime loss. Then he forgets his third point. Bettman denies he's thinking of advertising on jerseys. He claims he's offering a "more wide open game"

I'm starting to think Mad Mike won't be coming in. I'm so disappointed. I'll edit only if he does.

half way through: MAD MIKE!!!!11ONEONE1!! I already feel my intelligence dropping, but I blame Bettman and Bill Clement.

Mad Mike doesn't seem so...mad to me. Maybe my brain IS rotting from listening to this. He's talking about supporting officials and...such.

Milbury says his best trade was getting rid of Wendel Clark and Schinder. His worse? I heard the names Spezza and Chara, but he's kind of avoiding this part of the question.

Milbury says he liked the Rangers for the rest of the season. Plus one for Scotty Hockey!
In the west, he likes the Ducks and Dallas. I have nothing else to add. He officially says it'll be "wide open in the East and a dogfight in the West." Nice weaseling, Mike, nicely played.

Bettman just HAD to ask Milbury about "Madison Square Garden 1979" Way to go, Betty, I'm sure he hasn't talked about THAT a billion times.

And now they're letting go of Milbury. I still can't get over how deep Bettman's voice is. I always imagine him sounding more...leprechaun-ish. Like he should be cursing people for stealing his Lucky Charms.


OKAY, THAT"S IT! The caller just called it a great day in Columbus. There is officially too much stupid streaming through my laptop speakers. I'm done! I'm not standing through 15 more minutes of this. I'm done, I seriously think that Bettman is paying people to call in because they all praise him so much (or ask really stupid questions.) I'm out! Screw this! I hope you choke on your Lucky Charms, Betty!!

Gettin' Crunk in HOTlanta!

(NOTE: I tried to post this as a diary over at Pension Plan Puppets, but for some reason that site has never liked my account. Instead I' posting this over here)

With condolences to PPP, I figured I'd put up a game preview type-thingy for tonight against the Thrashers.

Look, I'll be honest--I've never done this, and I know that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. That being said...wait a minute--not knowing what I'm talking about doesn't really separate me from lots of other media-types, does it? HOWEVEAH, the show must go on.

Hot sexxy Leafs to watch (yeah, totally stolen from Four Habs Fans, but it's the best I could do):
*Alex Steen just signed to a $3.4-million, two-year contract extension Job security could have him feeling pretty groovy.
*Mats Sundin--look, with all the trading rumo(u)rs going around, he's probably so annoyed and stressed out, he's ready to choke a bitch

sexy HOTLANTA Thrashers to watch:
*Ilya Kovalchuk--it's always Kovalchuk to watch
*Tobias Enstrom--leads his team in assists

So, leave your SPG units and whatever else you wish in the comments

Loser domi SPG:
shot: Tucker
penalty: McCabe
goal: STAJAN !!

Also, olbigatory Lil' John video. I also feel lonely and need someone to talk to sometimes:

Gratuitous YouTube Embed

No reason for this post except we're studying the origins of World War Two in my history class. As a result I've had this stuck in my head for 2 weeks, and I felt the need to spread it to you guys.

Friday YouTube Yoinkage--February 15, 2008

I'll be honest, this Friday kinda snuck up on me. So there really isn't a theme again (sorry)
Clip one: I think we all know a player or two who looks and acts like one of these goats:


clip two: Even though he's for the Rangers, Bobby Granger ads are always fun. In this one, Jaromir "springtime" Jagr tries to teach him some more Czech:


Clip three: one of those Celebrity Jeopardy skits from Saturday Night Live redone with hockey players. It's still good! It's still good!

Bryan McCabe Airing of Grievances (Encore Presentation)

I entered this as one of my two entries into the Festivus Airing of Grievances contest over at www.pensionplanpuppets.com. I figured that I should also throw it up over here, just because my special brand of reverse-psych motivation doesn't seem to work anymore. Plus, I thought anyone here who isn't over at PPP regularly might enjoy it as well. Happy New Year, and I'll see you next year, Domiteers!

Hey there. Um, look—I’ve been pretty busy at doing nothing, so I had an imaginary friend deliver this Airing of Grievances for me. Also, I thought that this particular friend would be pretty funny. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for Towelie!(picture stolen from the Wikipedia page on Towelie)


Bryan, you look really sweaty and bloody. Did you remember to bring a towel? Towels are very important, you know. Do you know what else is important, Bryan? Competent defense is also very important to your life, Bryan. Yes it is. What gives, man? Maybe if I got a little high I could explain what’s wrong and how to fix it better.

/Takes bong hit

You wanna get high?

/takes second bong hit
/pause
/longer pause

Oh right, defense. Lemme break it down for you. “De”—well, that’s like how French people say “the” because they can’t say the “th” sound. And “fense” is like how English people say “fence.” Like a fence that blocks stuff and keeps other stuff out, you know? That’s what “de fence” does in hockey—it keeps other people away from the goalie. You’re “de” fence around “de” goalie. Heheheheheh…I oughta write this kinda stuff down. Yeah, we’ve seen you do some pretty good stuff, but you’ve done a lot of stupid carp to make up for it. This video shows some of your stupidest moves. I mean, you got checked by the net. Don’t they teach you to look out for that thing and to not run into it when you’re in, like, Peewee hockey? I can’t imagine that they don’t.

/takes a bong hit

Goals are nice, but your first priority as a defenseman is to keep the other team from scoring. Like I said, “de” fence…heheheheheh. I’ve got some pictures here on my cell phone that’ll help show you what to do. Just let me see where I stored it on here…

/takes out cell phone

/doo-doo-bee-boo-boop dee-doo-doo-doo!

That’s it! That’s the chorus to Funkytown! And now, Loser Domi wants me to tell you Feats of Strength that you can do to redeem yourself for all your Grievances. Ummm…(looks at list) This list is dumb. “competent defense” “Worry more about defending than scoring”—blahh, blah, blah! I want you to see you fit a hockey puck in your mouth. Now that would be impressive!

Also, I think lots of other people would be happy to see you punch yourself in the face.I don't think it would help your game, but it would be funny.

Being Todd Bertuzzi

(photo credit: AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Richard Lam)Yoinked from Yahoo Sports

I have nothing against Todd Bertuzzi, even if I should, because I just don't care. That being said, my first thought when I saw this picture:

"Dude, I'm Todd Bertuzzi, I'm goin' back to Van, man....you got any quarters? I got some major munchies from the bowl I just smoked, brah, and those Lays in the vending machine are just, like, calling my name, you know? Heh. Heheheheheh. Hockey is awesome. Hehhehheh."

Once Upon a Time, There Was a Party...

I'm not sure what caused this to come about, but it made me giggle. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to isolate the panels or do anything like that, so you'll still have to do the scrolling sidways and vertically at the same time. Sorry about that. Plus Tim Horton's head was really hard to draw. Anyway, enjoy!

YouTubular to the MAX!

So, it's Friday (well, Thursday evening, which is close enough for me) which means that once again I'll post three odd clips from YouTube that I can somehow finagle a way to be about hockey. This week has been kicking the crap out of me and will continue to do so until mid-to late next week, which means posting will once again fall by the way side. I also picked clips that are more obviously hockey-related this time.

Clip one I have had stuck in my head off and on for the past three days. Under the thinking of "The best part of a bad mood is spreading it around" (I've got a nice, shiny +1 to those who understand the reference), I present The 1989 Calgary Flames and "Red Hot" :


Clip two is for Kevin over at Barry Melrose Rocks. It's his main man/alter ego Jeremy Roenick bustin' moves as a broken pane of glass gets fixed:


Clip three is for a fellow BMR frequenter Scotty Hockey. It's a Rangers commercial done a few years back, in which Jaromir Jagr tries to teach Bobby Granger (I think that's the guy's name) how to speak Czech. I love all of the Granger ads, but this one was my introduction to them, so it holds a special place in my heart:

All-Time Special Halloween Goodness

In my effort to make my comics more readable, I am trying out different formats for posting. This time, I tried isolating rows of drawings so that in order to read the comic, all you have to do is (hypothetically) scroll across, instead of down and across at the same time.

Today's comic was a rush job, as I got the idea yesterday and had to put it up here TODAY in order for the joke in panel 2 to work. And, while I do realize that I used the word "available" three times, I know that it was a rush job. This one is about how to cheer on your favourite team without getting your ass kicked if you are in a rival area.