Czech Mates, or, LD fills out a request

(one last night, during a canucks game, those who watching --including Eyebleaf-- started talking about slashfic. I discovered that there was no slash fic about Tomas Kaberle. This makes no sense to me, as he's a very attractive man. Therefore, I set to right this.

The setting for this particular story--don't worry, it's totally PG!--is Kubina and Kaberle rooming together on the road. It is told in Kubina's perspective)

Tomas has been sad for do long. Since Bryan McCabe and Mats Sundin left the team, he's seemed so distant. When he plays, it's like his head isn't in the game anymore. It breaks my heart to see him like that. Sure, maybe I haven't been in Toronto as long as he has, but I think I could be his friend.

I finally worked up the courage to ask him what was the matter one night on a Western road trip with the team. "Kabbie", I said, "Why are you so sad?" "Sad?" he replied, "why would I be sad? I play for Maple Leafs, I love Toronto, I make cross ice pass like you won't believe. Why would I be sad?" I rolled my eyes, "Kabbie, I can hear you listening to Simple Plan and crying softly at night when you think nobody can hear you. When you're on the ice, your look like your head is somewhere else. Your eyes are the saddest eyes I have ever seen. I'm your friend, Tomas, you can say--"
"--No. Just...no. I'm FINE Pavel, just leave me alone."

With that, Kabbie shut off his light and tried to sleep. I lied awake, wondering what I should do now. I could tell he was upset, but he didn't want to talk about it. I wondered what I could say to get him to open up when I heard him mutter in our native Czech, "ohhh...mmm...get in my mouth you big, sloppy muffin."

What the hell? Sloppy? well, I suppose I go a while in between haircuts and shaves. Kabbie murmured again, "Oh, you're so delicious and warm and soft in my mouth. I love you muffin."

I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.

The next day at practice, my legs felt like they were made of lead. It felt like it would never end. After practice, Tomas asked me "Pavel, what's wrong? you looked like you were made of mud out there today." I told him about the previous night and how confused it made me feel.

He gave me an odd look. "Muffins? what's to be confused about, Pavel? I love muffins--you know, the little cake thingys with the crunchy tops? Sometimes they have chocolate chips or blueberries or--"

I cut in, "I know what a muffin is, Tomas."

Kabbie continued. "They are so warm and delicious. I really like muffins."

There was an awkward pause as I tried to find my next words. "oh", I said. All I could say was "oh."

Bloggonation Nubbin rubbins part 2

Well, it's cold outside, which means I'm inside more which means more nubbin rubbins to stay warm. That's right--it's high time once again for more actual search terms that have landed people at the WWoLD.

Cock inside female’s shoes (I'm sure there's a site for that, but this isn't it)

How big cock Sidney Crosby have (Finnish search--I'm wondering if metric or standard measurements make a difference)

Small white cocks loser compare (just chew on that a bit) (Sorry Chemmy)

Internet haunted budd dwyer (oh no! it's the ghost of Budd Dwyer! Here to shoot himself again!)

Womens shoes wrap around cocks (those must be skinny shoes)

La chatte de domie moore (A French search, by the way chatte ~pussy, so...Demi moore's pussy?)

scat chat Toronto ("long time listener, first time caller...")

Brodeur pie (I hear there are some good Brodeur pies for sale in Montreal)

Kyle Wellwood homosexual (well,I'm not saying anything, but if he does affirm it, you heard it here first)

Matt stajan nude (get out of my head)

why do I hear the word loser on my computer sometimes (dude, if your computer is talking to you, you have some serious problems)

We play on Tuesday alex bizzaro blogspot (this is so wierd, I can't even come up with a joke for it)

Bloggonation Nubbin' Rubbins

You know, I seriously love masturbation. It's relaxing, buckets of fun, plus there is zero risk of STDs or pregnancy. I thought I'd do a little blog eqvialent of nubbin' rubbin' and share some of the search terms used to find me. Usually people find me via other blogs who have me on their blogrolls (or pictures of Marc Andre Fleury), but the odd Google/Yahoo!/whatever search term still gets me people. I have also included my own reflections on the terms used.

Alex Steen wife--I'm pretty sure his real wife would actually kick my ass in a fair fight

"hot boss male intern"--Bow chicka bow wow! It'd probably go something like, "oh, I dropped a pencil, Let's fuck!"

Wonderful cock--good to see animal husbandry is still being encouraged

drawings cock--Oh, someone's looking for rooster artwrok. How nice!

domi lesbi (Dutch search)--Dammit! I need to close my window shades more often! (just kidding...or am I?)

jordan staal phone number--Gee, stalk much?

"loser gets pied in the face"--o...kay

female fight losers sucks cock--I'm sure jaredoflondon will have something interesting to say about this one...

I have a little cock--You know, that's ok! It's grear you're so comfortable with your body like that.

big saggy knockers--I always thought perkier was better. Also, someone once told me that "anything more than a mouthful is just waste."


give it to me so more domi (French search)--Dis mon nom, conne, DIS MON NOM!


bong hit in towel--Is this even possible? I imagine it'd really take down your buzz--I mean, not like I'd know about these sort of things anyway...

Mccabe of mccabe--I can't even make any sense out of this one, and it was an English language search. Damn

unibrow tit punching--Don't laugh--in some countires it's a national sport.

"john leclair" video cock--You know, I got to support a fellow Vermonter, but....pleasedon'texist, pleasedon'texist

bryan its over--Muahahahahaha!

Midterms+work+other stuff = lazy Domi

So, in between midterms, settling stuff with next year's roomie (woohoo!) and whatnot, the next few weeks are going to be a bit busy. I do intend to update, but they'll be lazy ones.

Today I present something I started in the comments section of this Melt Your Face Off post. All I know is it was hella fun and I feel as if I should reproduce it here for all of you. I present hockey themed porno names! (feel free to throw in your own sugestions)

from me (2 different posts):
Light My Lamp
Ride my Zamboni
Wax my Stick
Five-Hole Follies
Butt-end Adventures
Shovel Sluts
Pine Riders Gone WILD!
Mighty Dicks/Dykes
Wood is Good
Fucking like Puckbunnies
Slap Slut
In Her Crease
Darcy, Tucker!
Too Many Men
Knob Gobblers 14 Hosted by Sean Avery
My First Five Hole
TimBIts ain’t just for Breakfast Anymore
Stoppage: Hand Pass
[Team a] Sucks, [Team B] Swallows
Czech me out! Hosted by Jiri Tlusty

from lenoceur :
Two Minutes in the Sin Bin
After Her First Period
Five on Three Action
Putting Biscuits in the Basket
Deep Throat 6: Moose Jaw

from Weed Against Speed :
Assume the Butterfly Position 8: Between the Pipes
Scat Games 27: Dump and Chase
Tiny Asians with Tiny Snatches 12: Neutral Zone Trap

from rocketretard:
Two Minutes For Hooking

I Knew There Was A Reason I Liked Bacon Better

I don't have the strength to come up with a witty introduction to this one. Just enjoy.

Somtimes the Jokes Just Write Themselves

Sporked from the NHL Rumors section on Yahoo Sports (which is usually good for a laugh anyway) :

"Jagr struggling with new sticks

Sunday, Nov 4, 2007 7:48 am EST

New York Rangers captain Jaromir Jagr is having lumber problems. According to the New York Daily News, Jagr is getting used to a new set of sticks because Reebok doesn't make his preferred model anymore. He doesn't like the grip on the new model.

"Look at this, just touch the stick, how slippery it is. How am I supposed to shoot?" Jagr said. "I don't get it," he said. "I play with the same sticks for 20 years and I have to change it because they stopped making it. I've got no choice. I have to adjust."

Source: New York Daily News"

(see? Unlike other evil bloggers, I cite the stuff I steal. Somehow in my little warped mind, that makes it OK)

I don't play hockey, so I'm not an expert in equipment, but Jags probably has a legitimate concern here. On the other hand, it allows people like me to make easy stick jokes. Double entendres are fun, and I've been getting my ass kicked by schoolwork, so I feel like I should be able to get away with an easy joke like this.