Friday Youtube Yoinkage April 10, 2009

You know, it's been a rough season for Leafs fans. Today's theme for the Youtube Yoinkage is things that would make next season awesome even if the Leafs continue sucking.

Clip/suggestions one: goalie dance offs:


clip/suggestion two:Dirty Dancing, as demonstrated by two high school guys who kinda look like Schenn/Tlusty/Pogge hybrids


Clip/suggestion three: More Beer. Alcohol always soothes...(clip is the Lego version of the Beer Song)

Obligatory thoughts on certain departures

You know, with the current situation in the Maple Leafs that has lots of folks leaving and whatnot, I (and lots of other Leafs bloggers) have been feeling really down. This is especially true with Darcy Tucker. Tucker was one of my favourite Leafs to write with/about (whatever it is I do). So here I present one last (for now) project with the departing Leafs, just to cheer things up a bit. (the first time a new screen name is mentioned, it links to the player's Hockey Database page) So allow me to take a page from The Dugout:

Welcome to the official chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs

Harrison_Steel: Hey guys, does anyone know where I could find a decent English-Swiss dictionary?

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: I don’t think they exist i don’t think swiss is a language

Harrison_Steel: But how do they communicate? Do thye just use like sign language or something?

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker has entered the chat room

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: Hey guys

Harrison_Steel: hey

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: Sucks to see you go, man

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: It does! It sucks like Raycroft’s mom. But Calgary can’t be that bad, can it?

World_of_Raycroft has entered the chat room

Sheriff_of_Wellwood_forrest has entered the chat room

World_of_Raycroft:Hi everyboday! Its me! Raycroft, you know?

Harrison_Steel: Uh, yeah, we can read, Raycroft

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: Even me!

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: We were just having a conversation amongst ourselves

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest:hey guys BC salmon sucks

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: Tucker, you played for Tampa Bay back before they won stuff, right?

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: yeah Calgary can’t be *that* bad

World_of_Raycroft: mood: depressed

World_of_Raycroft: oops wrong window hah, or should I say LOL!

Harrison_Steel: whatevs

World_of_Raycroft: God, I’m so depressed right now. I keep drinking hot cocoa and listening to Sarah MacLaughlin but I don’t feel any different.

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: You listen to Sarah MacLaughin when you’re depressed? Isn’t that like putting gasoline on a bonfire?

World_of_Raycroft: like, all the stuff I read about Tucker leaving is all “oh we’ll miss you, your awesome” and all the stuff about me is like, “good riddance”

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: With all due respect, that’s because you’re a sack of crap and nobody likes you

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: That was kinda mean, dude

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: What? I’m being honest! And I said “with all due respect”

World_of_Raycroft: That’s it. Like Budd Dwyer, I’m going out with a bang

World_of_Raycroft: *grabs pistol*

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: Rayray, no don’t do it!

Harrison_Steel oh shit, man, don’t!

World_of_Raycroft:*puts pistol barrel in mouth*

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: DON”T DO IT! Think of whoever has to clean that up. I mean, blood doesn’t come out of stuff easily. Trust me I know!

World_of_Raycroft: I told you guys I was hardcore

World_of_Raycroft: *pulls trigger*

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: oh shitohshitohshitohshit

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: Fuck!

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: just…stunned…

World_of_Raycroft: …OMGWTFBBQ SAUCE AN EXTRA CHEESE

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: G-G-G-GHOST! AHH!

World_of_Raycroft: Nah, the gun I just shot myself with? Turns out it was just a cap gun

Harrison_Steel: Seriously? ROFLMAO

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: EPIC FAIL

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: bwahahahahahHAHAHAHA OH SHIT HAHAHA!!!

World_of_Raycroft: Screw you guys I'm going home!

Secret Diaries: Andrew Raycroft to Join the Black Parade

(ANDREW RAYCRFOT is alone in the dressing room)

Christcakes I'm emo.

I can't say I'm all that surprised. Earlier I was reading my fanmail—3 today—and who wouldn't be depressed with letters like these:

“Dear King Asshat of Suckville, (I threw that one out right away)”

“Dear Andrew Raycroft, I'm writing this letter for my little sister. She says to tell you “ I love you Andrew Raycroft! You are the best goalie ever! You want to be my friend?” P.S.: my sister is blind and mentally handicapped. Go Sens!”

“Dear Mr. Raycroft, I am a career and guidance counselor at Christwagons Catholic High School. In my job, I evaluate people's abilities and recommend an appropriate job for them. Mr. Raycroft, have you ever considered joining a cult? They don't even have to pay taxes, you know. Even working on a hobby can improve a person. I suggest knitting (nooses) or jumping off bridges.”

Maybe they're right. Maybe I am just a useless husk of an imitation goalie. There's only one way I can possibly release all of this emotional tension (grabs razor blade, puts on Sarah McLachlan) Atta girl, Sarah...(singing as he cuts) In the arrrrrms offff an anngel, flyy awaaaaaayyyyyyyy fromm herrrreee (VESA TOSKALA enters, RAYCROFT tries to hide what he's doing and fails)

TOSKALA: What the hell are you doing? (Grabs RAYCROFT's hand) Down the Highway, NOT across the street. Idiot. (leaves)

RAYCROFT: may you fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind some comforrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt herrrrrrrrrree

>

LolLeafs: Lack of a Snappy Title Edition

as usual, swiped from Yahoo Sports




photo credit: (AP Photo/Mary Schwalm)

(AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Frank Gunn)

(AP Photo/Mary Schwalm)

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, Jan. 18, 2007

This week’s theme is “Goalie love.” Goalies are people, too, ya know!
Old Timey Belfour


This one kind of creeps me out a bit, but as far as “goalie love” goes this one’s pretty, um, amorous. I think the “Trapper’s Delight” that the same person did is better, but today we’re all about the goalie love.


Knob hockey takes on playoffs with Ray Emery versus Ryan Miller. Apparently they were so busy that they had to substitute Chris Rock to play Emery and Coach Z to play Miller.

Open Letter/Rant to Andrew Raycroft

Special thanks goes to Jared over at Die Hard Blue and White --I totally stole your idea. Except, my idea is more of the "whimsical" sort, whereas your letter had, like, actual analysis and stuff.

Dearest Andrew,
Ok, so here's my idea to make you a better goalie. Other people are going to tell you stuff like "work harder on reflexes" or "suck on a tailpipe", but that's not the kind of advice that you'll follow. What I want to do is offer you the advice that you'll actually follow. This is the kind of advice that's easy to do and will get the promised results.

Here's my thinking: there are all sorts of rules regarding the equipment--how big leg pads can be and whatnot. There is one thing that the NHL can't regulate: the size of your ass. That's right--there are no rules regarding goalie ass size.

Therefore, I propose that you eat lots of donuts. (Image of Homer stolen from here)


Yep, lots and lots of donuts. As in, enough to make you look like one of those rap guys' girlfriends.(Note: google image searching for "Baby got back" is REALLY recommended against, even with the safe search on.) Come on, I know you can do it well--donuts are delicious. Eating lots of them will make your ass grow in size. With a larger butt, you might be able to stop some more pucks. It seems logical to me. To quote the immortal Homer Simpson on the left: "Donuts--is there anything they can't do?"

Think about it, Andrew. Just...think about it

Crapfully yours,
Loser Domi

Marc-Andre Fleury Between the Pipes against...Munchkins?

Last night, as usual, I was following the Yahoo coverage of the Leafs/Penguins game instead of studying for a final I have on Monday (screw Montainge, Molière and all those other old dead French guys!) In between bits of action, I was perusing the gallery to see if there were some pretty pictures that I could steal (all pictures in this post credit Dave Sandford/Getty Images, by the way.) I came across this picture:

My first thought was, “Wow, I didn’t know that Marc-Andre Fleury was that tall.” It looked like he was talking to the opposing goalie (keep in mind the Yahoo gallery has pictures that are the size of postage stamps, so I couldn’t really see the colours or design until I enlarged it). It was only when I checked on the caption that I understood the truth: TORONTO - DECEMBER 1: Marc-Andre Fleury #29 of the Pittsburgh Penguins chats with Marcus Sorentino #30 of the Vaughn Panthers Minor Atom Single A Team during an open practice before facing the Toronto Maple Leafs in their NHL game at the Air Canada Centre December 1, 2007 in Toronto, Ontario. (Photo By Dave Sandford/Getty Images)
(sidenote: I spy a Nova Scotian flag in the background of that first one, which would make my friend Dan very happy to see. Apparently, the Pens have this guy from Nova Scotia who’s got a chick’s name and supposed to be an ok player—you ever heard of him?) So, I guess it was apparently Fleury versus a bunch of munchkins last night?
Maybe they weren’t munchkins—maybe TimBits. Either way they’re tasty. Mmmm….donuts…Wait—what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Fleury versus a bunch of tykes.

At first it seems like a one sided contest. Just look at those pads. They’re the same size as the kids fer Chrissake! Then I happened upon this photo:

*Dive, dive captain!* I want to say he’s just hamming it up for the kiddies, but then again...
Whatever he was doing, it made want to go back and re-watch the "Stanley's Cup" episode of South Park, which I did right after the game.

P.S: the death stare/picture memo worked again. I wonder how it will do against a team not currently in Powersuck mode.

Ed Belfour's New Job?

Today’s post is inspired by one of my favourite Photoshops ever (stolen from Facebook’s “Hockey Night in Canada” group. You’ll find it below:

I pretty much traced the Photoshop Phun for the first panel, but probably the hardest part was drawing Eddie from memory. Enjoy!

Here are some close-ups if you can't read it: