Obligatory thoughts on certain departures

You know, with the current situation in the Maple Leafs that has lots of folks leaving and whatnot, I (and lots of other Leafs bloggers) have been feeling really down. This is especially true with Darcy Tucker. Tucker was one of my favourite Leafs to write with/about (whatever it is I do). So here I present one last (for now) project with the departing Leafs, just to cheer things up a bit. (the first time a new screen name is mentioned, it links to the player's Hockey Database page) So allow me to take a page from The Dugout:

Welcome to the official chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs

Harrison_Steel: Hey guys, does anyone know where I could find a decent English-Swiss dictionary?

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: I don’t think they exist i don’t think swiss is a language

Harrison_Steel: But how do they communicate? Do thye just use like sign language or something?

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker has entered the chat room

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: Hey guys

Harrison_Steel: hey

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: Sucks to see you go, man

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: It does! It sucks like Raycroft’s mom. But Calgary can’t be that bad, can it?

World_of_Raycroft has entered the chat room

Sheriff_of_Wellwood_forrest has entered the chat room

World_of_Raycroft:Hi everyboday! Its me! Raycroft, you know?

Harrison_Steel: Uh, yeah, we can read, Raycroft

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: Even me!

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: We were just having a conversation amongst ourselves

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest:hey guys BC salmon sucks

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: Tucker, you played for Tampa Bay back before they won stuff, right?

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: yeah Calgary can’t be *that* bad

World_of_Raycroft: mood: depressed

World_of_Raycroft: oops wrong window hah, or should I say LOL!

Harrison_Steel: whatevs

World_of_Raycroft: God, I’m so depressed right now. I keep drinking hot cocoa and listening to Sarah MacLaughlin but I don’t feel any different.

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: You listen to Sarah MacLaughin when you’re depressed? Isn’t that like putting gasoline on a bonfire?

World_of_Raycroft: like, all the stuff I read about Tucker leaving is all “oh we’ll miss you, your awesome” and all the stuff about me is like, “good riddance”

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: With all due respect, that’s because you’re a sack of crap and nobody likes you

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: That was kinda mean, dude

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: What? I’m being honest! And I said “with all due respect”

World_of_Raycroft: That’s it. Like Budd Dwyer, I’m going out with a bang

World_of_Raycroft: *grabs pistol*

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: Rayray, no don’t do it!

Harrison_Steel oh shit, man, don’t!

World_of_Raycroft:*puts pistol barrel in mouth*

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: DON”T DO IT! Think of whoever has to clean that up. I mean, blood doesn’t come out of stuff easily. Trust me I know!

World_of_Raycroft: I told you guys I was hardcore

World_of_Raycroft: *pulls trigger*

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: oh shitohshitohshitohshit

~*~Pohl_dancer~*~: Fuck!

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: just…stunned…

World_of_Raycroft: …OMGWTFBBQ SAUCE AN EXTRA CHEESE

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: G-G-G-GHOST! AHH!

World_of_Raycroft: Nah, the gun I just shot myself with? Turns out it was just a cap gun

Harrison_Steel: Seriously? ROFLMAO

Sherrif_of_Wellwood_forrest: EPIC FAIL

Baaaaaad_muthaTucker: bwahahahahahHAHAHAHA OH SHIT HAHAHA!!!

World_of_Raycroft: Screw you guys I'm going home!

Secret Diaries: Andrew Raycroft to Join the Black Parade

(ANDREW RAYCRFOT is alone in the dressing room)

Christcakes I'm emo.

I can't say I'm all that surprised. Earlier I was reading my fanmail—3 today—and who wouldn't be depressed with letters like these:

“Dear King Asshat of Suckville, (I threw that one out right away)”

“Dear Andrew Raycroft, I'm writing this letter for my little sister. She says to tell you “ I love you Andrew Raycroft! You are the best goalie ever! You want to be my friend?” P.S.: my sister is blind and mentally handicapped. Go Sens!”

“Dear Mr. Raycroft, I am a career and guidance counselor at Christwagons Catholic High School. In my job, I evaluate people's abilities and recommend an appropriate job for them. Mr. Raycroft, have you ever considered joining a cult? They don't even have to pay taxes, you know. Even working on a hobby can improve a person. I suggest knitting (nooses) or jumping off bridges.”

Maybe they're right. Maybe I am just a useless husk of an imitation goalie. There's only one way I can possibly release all of this emotional tension (grabs razor blade, puts on Sarah McLachlan) Atta girl, Sarah...(singing as he cuts) In the arrrrrms offff an anngel, flyy awaaaaaayyyyyyyy fromm herrrreee (VESA TOSKALA enters, RAYCROFT tries to hide what he's doing and fails)

TOSKALA: What the hell are you doing? (Grabs RAYCROFT's hand) Down the Highway, NOT across the street. Idiot. (leaves)

RAYCROFT: may you fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind some comforrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt herrrrrrrrrree

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