Time To Say Goodbye/Friday Youtube Yoinkage March 5, 2010

 
(photo source)
Today, I decided to combine the FYY and saying good bye to Alexei Ponikarovsky because Poni has had some memorable videos of him.

Clip one has him, Nik Antropov and Jeremy Williams talking about the Canadian Provinces, the NHL,and mustaches.


Clip two has Antropov and Ponikarovsky as the new "Odd couple". This is what spawned the Antro and Poni Super Awesome show and many,many jokes about cheesebourgers and sosa sola.


Clip three has some goals and other game goodness from Alexei:




Great Moments in WWoLD History:
Alexei was quite the supporting player, even if he wasn't usually the star of the show...there was the aforementioned show he had for three short episodes...Tried to win over CoachRonWilson...had one of the hardest scenes for me to write ever in "Leafer Madness"...certainly didn't eat Vesa Toskala...really, really, REALLY missed Nik Antropov...got Wendel Clark into the Maple Leafs Chats

What I Learned From Alexei Ponikarovsky:
UKRAINE NOT WEAK, don't be afriad to use your size, and learn to live with slobs.

Here's to some Happy Poni Time in Pittsburgh!

Holiday Kesstacular, CONCLUSION

(Still at the holiday party of part 4)

WILSON: Well, CRAP. We’ll have to find that Joey guy again.
KESSEL: Ah, geez, coach. I try to help people out, but I just make more of a mess! I’m so sorry! Maybe I should just give up.
WILSON: What do you mean? “Give up” what?
KESSEL: I’m just not cut out for helping people and volunteering stuff. Grabbo and I are banned from that mall, Jason Blake and Jamal Mayers are dead and Vesa’s in rehab, which means we don’t have an NHL-proven goalie!
WILSON: We had NHL-proven goalies before?
KESSEL: We don’t even have Jonas as a backup since his heart exploded again. I just wreck things.
WILSON: You know what they say Phil—you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet, or something like that.
MIKHAIL GRABOVSKI: But Phil, taking down pek-o-file Santa was awesome! Much more awesomer than fighting Kostitsyns.
MATT STAJAN: Thanks to you Phil, I’ll have to either step up my game or fade into the background…(tortured sigh)
NIK HAGMAN: And I know that Vesa will hate us for a while, but in the end he become better man. Or die. Either way.
ALEXEI PONIKAROVSKY: And you take on Hell’s Angels, PhilKessel. Not many people who do that without being dead.
RICKARD WALLIN: And Phil Kessel taught me how to read!
WILSON: Who the hell are you? Get out of here, straggler!
WALLIN: But I’m a player! (WALLIN runs off crying)
WILSON: Anyway, the point is… Phil, you can do anything if you just believe in yourself.
PONIKAROVSKY: And if you have the power of JesusChrist
WILSON: Don’t interrupt me, Alexei!
PONIKAROVSKY: Sorry, CoachRonWilson.
WILSON: You see Phil, we all have a special gift to offer everyone, even you. (BRIAN BURKE enters)
BRIAN BURKE: He’s got a special gift? No shit, Sherlock! Why do you think I traded for him, dumbass?
ALL PLAYERS: (gasp) Brian Burke!
BURKE: Ya damn right, dammit. How’s everyone’s holiday?
LEE STEMPNIAK: I got Frenched by a depressed and drunken Toskala. I’m still not sure how to feel about it.
BURKE: Nobody freakin’ cares about your problems, Lee.
STEMPNIAK: (sighs) Forget it.
BURKE: Phil, I got you so you can score multiple goals in one season. Just remember that.
KESSEL: I think I can be happy here. I know it! Even if I do miss Marc Savard sometimes.
STAJAN: Hey, I could be your buddy, Phil. You know—Marc Savard, Matt Stajan, same initials, right?
BURKE: YOU ARE NO MARC SAVARD, STAJAN!
STAJAN: (cowering) Sorry, sir.
BURKE: Phil, would you like to be on my Olympic team?
KESSEL: Would I? Of COURSE!
BURKE: Well, come on. We’ll find whichever strip club Mike Komisarek’s at and start training.
WALLIN: Yay Phil! You can do it!
WILSON: I thought I told you to get out of here, party crasher!
WALLIN: But I’m part of the Maples Leafs! I play for them!
BURKE: SECURITY! (Security guys come) Give this loser the boots, medium style. (SECURITY drags a crying and protesting WALLIN off the premises and later beat him mercilessly)
WILSON: Well, now that that’s out of the way, let’s have a toast—
BURKE: To truculence!
WILSON: DON’T interrupt me!
BURKE: Screw you!
WILSON: SCREW YOU!
(awkward silence)
BURKE:So…you wanna grab some wings or something?
WILSON:Sure, sounds good.
PONIKAROVSKY: Is it being true that you both order wings so spicy they have to clear out the restaurant because they are not safe for other humans?
WILSON and BURKE: Shut it, Alexei!
PONIKAROVSKY: I’s sorry CoachRonWilson and BrianBurke.
(everyone continues to have a good time at the party, and it all worked out in the end.)

THE END

Maple Leafs Chat: Leafs Put to Tosk

***Welcome to the Official Chat Room of the Toronto maple Leafs!***

I_Ron_Butterfly: OK, I guess everybody’s here for practice. Wait a minute….where’s Toskala?
KomiKazi: I dunno
ShakeNBlake: No clue. I wasn’t watching him.
StajanNotCajun: Jonas, don’t goalies have some sorta mind connection, like twins?
Monster’s_Ball:…Bork no.
I_Ron_Butterfly: Everyone start looking for him! Alexei! Did you eat him? I know you Ukrainians like to eat.
PoniRides4ABuck: No, CoachRonWilson! I don’t eat VesaToskala! Why are you blaming me?
I_Ron_Butterfly: Well, Alexei, I just don’t like you.
PoniRides4ABuck: But CoachRonWilson, that makes no sense!
I_Ron_Butterfly: I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense, Alexei, just help up find Toskala.
ShakeNBlake: I think I found him over here, Ron! I heard soft crying coming from this supply closet.
I_Ron_Butterfly: Vesa? Is that you? Come on out, Vesa!
Tosking_Heads: No, The Vesa won’t come out. I’s a bad goalie. Laiike, is not fit to to be pro goalie for Maple Leafs. Wider five-hole than Komisarek’s mother.
KomiKazi: Hey! You leave my mom outta this!
I_Ron_Butterfly: OK, now everyone…if anyone makes a lame joke about Vesa being “trapped in the closet”…I’ll pull out my gun and cap a bitch.
PoniRides4ABuck: VesaToskala, we’re friends, right?
Tosking_Heads: Laaaike, I guess so.
PoniRides4ABuck: VesaToskala, you cannot give up! You know, CoachRonWilson HATES my guts, even though it makes no sense. But I don’t give up on trying to make friends with him. I still do media stuff, and keep Grabovski from killing people, and I still make him brownies. I don’t ever give up!
I_Ron_Butterfly: Alexei, you’re clearly outmatched here, step off!
PoniRides4ABuck: Yes, CoachRonWilson.
StempOfApproval: Hey, Vesa, if you won’t come out of that closet…can I at least comein with you? You know, talk it out or something?
Tosking_Heads:…OK.
StempOfApproval: /enters closet
KomiKazi: Who was that guy?
ShakeNBlake: I dunno. Is he a janitor or something?
***White_Lightning has entered the chat room!***
White_Lightning: Hey guys, what’s up?
StajanNotCajun: Vesa Toskala’s stuck in that closet, and now Lee Stempniak’s in there with him.
White_Lightning: Vesa’s in the closet? I coulda told you that.
PoniRides4ABuck: DON’T SHOOT HIM COACHRONWILSON! He does not know!
ShakeNBlake: Hey Ron, what if you shot off the doorknob, like they do in movies?
I_Ron_Butterfly: It’s worth a shot!
StempOfApproval: Don’t shoot us, Coach!
I_Ron_Butterfly: I wouldn’t do that! You guys wouldn’t free up that much cap space.
I_Ron_Butterfly: /shoots door knob and through a series of chance and bizarre ricochets, it shoots VanRynDownByTheRiver
VanRynDownByTheRiver: AHHHH! GAHHH! You shot me in the ass!
I_Ron_Butterfly: VanRyn? Where the hell did you come from?
VanRynDownByTheRiver: Who cares?! You just shot me in the bum!
KomiKazi: Coach, I know you wanted us to get into truculence, but this is ridiculous.
I_Ron_Butterfly: Christ, this team is a mess.

LOLeafs: fun and games edition

As always, the best Toronto Maple Leafs pictures that Yahoo! Sports had to steal, captioned with total disregard to grammar and spelling. Just the way you like it:

LOLeafs: Welcome back edition

Maple Leafs Chat: ESL 101

***Welcome to Stajan's Place, playing NHL '09 chat room!***
StajanNotCajun: I scored on you, Johnny! Take that!
WhiteLightning: Nice! Can you fist pump in this game?
Schenn_Sational: Wait, guys...we're hockey players. Am I the only one who thinks it's weird we're playing...ourselves?
SonOFAMitch: Nah, it's not weird, 'cuz I can punch Matty in the face all day long and not get tired. It's awesome!
StajanNotCajun: Jerk!
***PoniRides4ABuck and Grab_Bag have entered the chat room!***
***PoniRides4ABuck has dumped off Grab_Bag!***
PoniRides4ABuck: SUCKERS!
***PoniRides4ABuck has left the chat room!***
Grab_bag: Allo Comerades!
WhiteLightning: Ah crap, Ponikarovsky dumped Grabovski on us! Matty, you got any papers you can put down?
SonOFAMitch: Fuck, I'm gonna get fuckin' rabies or something, aren't I?
StajanNotCajun: Come on guys! Grabbo's not a puppy or something, he's just Belorussian.
Schenn_Sational: Yeah, it can't be that hard.
StajanNotCajun: That's what she said!
Grab_Bag: I nos understands "is what she said." Mine english is no good, all broke to shit.
WhiteLightning: Well, what's so difficult to understand, Grabbo?
Grab_Bag: Is Luke who says that, and he has stubble, Adam's Apple, big hands...probably huge cock like horse. Luke is not she, all HE!
StajanNotCajun: "That's what she said" is an expression, it's not a literal thing. It's like...."raining cats and dogs"--cats and dogs don't actually fall from the sky.
Schenn_Sational: Basically "that's what she said" is a sentence that, if someone said it somewhere else, it'd sounds kinda...dirty.
SonOFAMitch:It sounds like something a lady might say before, during, or after you're fuckin' her.
Grab_Bag: But who am I fucking? Who is SHE? Do I pick? I pick...Carmen Electra!
StajanNotCajun: You don't need to actually fuck anyone for "that's what she said" to work.
Grab_Bag: Ahwww...I wanted the Electra...
WhiteLightning: No, Grabbo...like Matty said, it's not a literal thing. It's a pun--you know, a play on words?
Schenn_Sational:It's a pun on a few different levels...here, let me get some paper and a few different colors of markers...
***2 hours later...***
Schenn_Sational: Now, does that make any more sense, Grabbo?
SonOFAMitch: My head hurts...
StajanNotCajun: So much grammar...
WhiteLightning: I'm not sure I understand "That's what she said" any more.
Grab_Bag: A little more sense...no. Not really.
StajanNotCajun: Aw, screw it! I got Die Hard movies and beer. Those don't need much translation. Who wants to order pizza?
Grab_Bag: Yippee-Ki-yay, motherfucker!
Schenn_Sational: See Grabbo, your English is already getting better!

Maple Leafs Chat: In Search of Truculence

***Welcome to the Official Chat Room of the Toronto Maple Leafs!***
I_Ron_Butterfly: Now let's see...Christ. This D-Squad is such a log jam...
***BurkeBack_Mountain has entered the chat room!***
BurkeBack_Mountain: RONNIE MAKE ROOM FOR YOUR NEXT TOP FORWARD
I_Ron_Butterfly: Well, at least it isn't another defenceman. Who did you get? Jeff Carter? Brad Richards? Some hot young prospect?
BurkeBack_Mountain: HIS NAME IS GUSTAV GUSTAVSSON JR.
I_Ron_Butterfly: I've never heard of him--is he from some Swedish league or something?
BurkeBack_Mountain: HE JUST WON THE WORLD STRONG MAN COMPETITION
I_Ron_Butterfly: Huh. Can he skate?
BurkeBack_Mountain: I DON'T KNOW BUT HE CAN PULL A TRACTOR WITH HIS TEETH! IF THAT'S NOT TRUCULENCE AND TESTOSTERONE I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!
I_Ron_Butterfly: Testosterone? With all the steroids he's probably on? His testicles must be the size of Tic Tacs.
BurkeBack_Mountain: TRUCULENCE!
I_Ron_Butterfly: Are you...are you feeling OK, Brian? You seem a little...off.
BurkeBack_Mountain: I'VE BEEN EATING NODOZ AND DRINKING RED BULL AND WATCHING VERSUS FOR THREE DAYS AND NIGHTS!
I_Ron_Butterfly: That sounds incredibly unhealthy, Brian. Tell you what--book yourself a hotel room and just sleep for about 4 days, and I'll come water your plants and feed your fish and stuff for you. OK?
BurkeBack_Mountain: NEED MORE TRUCULENCE!
***BurkeBack_Mountain has left the chat room!***
I_Ron_Butterfly: Hanta yo, Burkie.

***PoniRides4aBuck has entered the chat room!***
PoniRides4aBuck: Hi, CoachRonWilson!
I_Ron_Butterfly: Alexei! What the Hell are you doing here?
PoniRides4aBuck: Because you are best coach ever, I make you brownies with caramel and peanut butter.
I_Ron_Butterfly: Get out of my office, Alexei! Leave the brownies, but get out of here!
PoniRides4aBuck: OK, CoachRonWilson!
I_Ron_Butterfly:And another thing-- quit calling me "CoachRonWilson!" Just "Coach" or "Ron" is fine.
PoniRides4aBuck: Whatever you say, CoachRonWilson.
***PoniRides4aBuck has left the chat room!***
I_Ron_Butterfly: Hanta yo, Alexei. I hope you like Nashville.

Maple Leafs Chat: Welcome to HOTlanta

***Welcome to the Toronto Maple Leafs Chat room!***
PoniRides4ABuck: Oh, hi, TomasKaberle.
DeathKabs4QT: Hi Poni.
PoniRides4ABuck: Are you sad? You seem sad.
DeathKabs4QT: I don’t know. Maybe. Pavel was here for only 3 or 4 years. Is not long at all for a team. And he was such trouble, always shedding like cat. So much hair.
PoniRides4ABuck: I know! Nik always leave room and it look like tornado hit it.
DeathKabs4QT: We’ll be fine. They have good times ahead in Atlanta.
PoniRides4ABuck: ...
DeathKabs4QT:...
***PoniRides4ABuck has started bawling his eyes out***
PoniRides4ABuck: It still stings!
***DeathKabs4QT has started bawling his eyes out***
DeathKabs4QT: I’ll still miss him!
***Grab_bag has entered the chat room***
Grab_bag: Are you both guys OK?
PoniRides4ABuck: Uh, yeah. Fine.
DeathKabs4QT: Totally not crying over departed team mates.
PoniRides4ABuck: I have allergies and a cold.
DeathKabs4QT: And I was chopping onions and then eating onions earlier.
Grab_Bag: Oh.
***Welcome to the Atlanta Thrashers chat room!***
Pavel_Road: Hello? Anyone here?
Pavel_Road: /consumes Vicodin
Kovalchuk_Norris: Are you here to kill me?
Pavel_Road: Uh...no. I don’t think so.
Kovalchuk_Norris: Well, crap--I mean, good. Are you big guy from Toronto?
Pavel_Road: Uh, yeah. But my country requires me to do this.
***Pavel_Road has kicked Kovalchuk_Norris in the shins***
Pavel_Road: Sixty-eight! Sixty-eight!
Pavel_Road: /consumes vicodin
Kovalchuk_Norris: Fair enough.
Pavel_Road: I even bring little playmate for you.
Tim_Bit: Hi! I sleep in a drawer!
***Antrobot_80000 has entered the chat room!***
Pavel_Road:...Antropov?
Antrobot_80000: HOBO GUY! And you bring snack!
Tim_bit: Please don’t eat me!
Kovalchuk_Norris: Are you going to kick my shins too?
Antrobot_80000: No, is fine. What are all these people in Thrashers jerseys?
Kovalchuk_Norris: They are Thrashers fans! Very loyal!
Pavel_Road: They look like sacks of potatos in Thrashers shirts.
Kovalchuk_Norris: Season ticket holders! Other new guy--Don’t eat them!
Antrobot_80000: Mmmm potatoes.
Pavel_Road: You should cook them first.
Antrobot_80000: Ilya, your fans need butter.

Year End Leafer Awards, FINAL CHAPTER

(NOTE: because I strained my right hand stacking hay, I can't really do any formatting to make this look nice, and typing left handed sucks. Sorry)
part 1
part 2
part 3


WILSON: My God, that’s Hollweg’s music! (a car pulls up and parks with RYAN HOLLWEG and JUSTINPOGGE inside. They get out)
HOLLWEG: Yo Pogge, you gotta do my welcome speech.
POGGE: Do I have to do the speech?
HOLLWEG: uh, YES. That was the bet!
POGGE: But why do I have to keep doing it?
HOLLWEG: Cuz I’m not the dumbass who thought the Lakers were going to win the Superowl, now am I?
POGGE: (sighs) FINE. A-hem, Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a brush with greatness! He is a legendamong mere mortal men, leaving s trail of wonder, awe, and very satistifed women in his wake. He is better than meat everything, including dancing, arts and crafts, lovemaking, and the guitar. I have no friends, and will never knowthe touch of a woman. I present to you all, the proud owner of a 13 inch penis, Ryan Hollweg!
HOLLWEG: Good job, Pogge. I knew I kept you around for some reason.
POGGE: I just wish I wouldn’t lose so many bets to you.
HOLLWEG: I can’t help it if you lose so much. I try to keep you on the right path, but no, you just have to keep falling off it.
POGGE: You try to keep me on the right path? Oh bull! I bet you 20 bucks that I won’t gamble for the rest of the day.
HOLLWEG: 20 bucks, huh? You’re on.
POGGE: All right!
HOLLWEG: Well, pay up then.
POGGE: Pay? What...(figureing it out) Oh, you assclown!
HOLLWEG: Do you want to make that double or nothing?
POGGE: Oh, hell’s yes!
HOLLWEG: Well then, where’s my money?
POGGE: But I...see, the thing is...you douche monkey! (pays HOLLWEG the money)
WILSON: Well, Ryan and Justin, I certainly didn’t expect to see you guys here.
HOLLWEG: It’s a Leafs Barbeque, isn’t it?
POGGE: Yeah, so where are our beer, broads and burgers?
WHITE: Oh, Hollweg didn’t herd in the women with his 13 inch penis? That wasn’t very nice of him.
WILSON: But you two are part of the Mariles now, not the Leafs...
HOLLWEG: We played for the Leafs a few times!
POGGE: Isn’t that enough?
WILSON: You know...I think there’s an information session thing over at (mumble) West Street for those who wantto play in the KHL. I think you two could kick ass and take names over there. WHITE : Yeah, and uh... the women are real crazy in bed over there. You’d love it.
MITCHELL: Yeah! Grabbo’s always telling us abut all the crazy stuff they do. Right, Grabbo? (GRABOVSKI saysnothing while clutching his prizes and creepily staring at people, like he has been all afternoon) ...right. WILSON: I think that presentation is starting soon, so you should head over RIGHT NOW.
HOLLWEG: Mumble West? Got it! C’mon, Pogge, let’s score us some crazy hot Russian bitches! (HOLLWEG andPOGGE leave)
STAJAN: Phew, that was close.
MITCHELL: I dunnp which is worse--Pogge marinating in AXE or Hollweg smelling like...Hollweg.
WHITE: Did they kill any of your grass?
WILSON: No, but I think it’s wilted a bit.--CUJO! What the hell? Get Jeff Finger out of my petunias!
JOSEPH: Sorry coach Wilson. (Knocks FINGER unconscious) HE won’t crawl in there and puke again.
BLAKE: I found duct tape! Should we tape him and Kabbie to this tree?
JOSEPH: Good idea! ( JOSEPH, BLAKE and KUBINA duct tape KABERLE and FINGER to the tree. KUBINA finds a Sharpie and draws a Freddie Mercury-style mustche on KABERLE)BLAKE: Heh. Great idea guys. Kubie, how’s yuor sandwich and bum wine?KUBINA:It is good ham sandwich. The drink makes my mouth feel all tingly and numb.
KABERLE: ( drunk Czech/English hybrid babble)
KUBINA: Shhhh, Tomas. You go sleep now.
KABERLE: I love you, muffin!
KUBINA: ...yeah, me too. (JOSEPH, BLAKE and KUBINA leave KABERLE and FINGER taped to the tree.)
BLAKE:What was that all about?
KUBINA: (defensively) What? I like muffins, too! There’s nothing wrong with two guys who like muffins!
BLAKE:I never said there was anytrhing wrong with it! (PONIKARVOVSKY arrives) Poni!PONIKAROVSKY: I’s so sorry guys. First, I got a call there was a lanky Kazakh in Boreger King orderingcheesebourgers for kitties, so I ran there hoping Antro came back. But... it was just some crazy homeless man.
KUBINA: You still miss Nik?
PONIKAROVSKY: Soo much! Grabovski’s ok, but too crazy. And Kulemin just stares at me with open mouth, likegoldfish. But then, after Boreger King, I found I had bad directions to this house. They took me to garbage dumpplace!
WILSON: Weird. Maybe whoever gave you directions didn’t know where my house is.
PONIKAROVSKY: But Coach RonWilson, YOU gave me the directions!
WILSON: Well Alexei, it’s time I was honest. You see, I just don’t like you.
PONIKAROVSKY: But why, Coach RonWilson? I work hard at practice, talk to newspaper people, keep Grabovskifrom killing people. I’s great guy!
WILSON: OK you guys! The old lady is giving me “that look” so you all have to get the hell off my lawn! Get outtahere!
STAJAN: (mockingly) Or what? You’re gonna call Officer Peters to tase my ass again?
WILSON: Don’t get smart with me! Just because you’re man pretty doesn’t mean you can stay here!
KUBINA: Hey guys, we should go in search of fried chicken and large breasted strippers!
BLAKE: I don’t think my wife wouldapprove of that.
KUBINA: Medium breasted strippers?JOSEPH: It sounds good enough for me. Let’s go! (TEAM leaves, except for FINGER and KABERLE)
WILSON: Finger and Kaberle, eh? I hope you boys like playing in Tampa.
END

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, April 3, 3009

This week's theme is reasons why Ukrainians rock.

Clip one: What inspired this theme was the following clip of Los Colorados (A Ukrainian band with a Spanish name that sing English songs) performing their version of "Hot and Cold." Katy Perry, consider yourself pwned:


clip two: I tried finding a good Alexei Ponikarovsky tribute, but they were all weaksauce--still photos over some lame techno or weak "rock" song. Instead, I give you this video of Poni retying his skates at a Sabres game:


Clip three (may be NSFW): Some town in Ukraine sells vodka in penis shaped bottles. I kinda want one, but I don't know how I'd declare it at customs

Antro Poni Awesome show, Episode 3: Moving On

(SCENE: ALEXEI PONIKAROVSKY and RYAN HOLLWEG are sitting on a pair of metal folding chairs in PONIKARVOSKY’S basement. Behind HOLLWEG’s chair is a life sized cardboard standup of NIK ANTROPOV. An old video camera is mounted on a tripod, filming the pair)

PONIKAROVSKY: Hallo and welcomes to Poni Super Awesome Sho that is Excellent. Thanks to trade deadline, there is no Antro (almost cries) so I need new cohost. Today I bring you Ryan Hollweg!
HOLLWEG: Thanks for having me Poni, but uh, this Antro cut out is kinda creeping me out. It’s like the eyes just stare into your soul—
PONIKAROVSKY: THERE’S NO MOCKING ANTRO!
HOLLWEG: Look, I know you’re probably still hurting over the trade, but—
PONIKAROVSKY: NEVER MIND! Now, what is it like on Marlies Squad?
(into to Like a Boss--lyrics NSFW-- comes out of nowhere)
HOLLWEG: Nothing special.
PONIKAROVSKY: Is a typical day for Marlies like playing for the Leafs?
HOLLWEG: Well, it’s pretty similar, but there are some differences.
PONIKAROVSKY: like what?
HOLLWEG: well, the first thing I do is…

Slick my hair back (Like a Boss!)
With Bacon grease (Like a Boss!)
Drink some coffee (Like a Boss!)
Work my gluets (Like a Boss!)
Mock Tlusty (Like a Boss!)
Eat some pickles (Like a Boss!)
Cross check old ladies (Like a Boss!)
From behind (Like a Boss!)
Hit on puck sluts (Like a Boss!)
Get rejected (Like a Boss!)
Baloney sandwich (Like a Boss!)
Check my email (Like a Boss!)
No messages (Like a Boss!)
Start a fight (Like a Boss!)—oh shit, man I can’t fuckin do it sheeeeeiiit
Get my ass kicked (Like a Boss!)
Prank call Pogge (Like a Boss!)
Fifth of whiskey (Like a Boss!)
Piss on some lady (Like a Boss!)
Shoot myself (Like a Boss!)
In the face (Like a Boss!)
Now I’m dead!

PONIKAROVSKY: And this is normal day for you?
HOLLWEG: Hell yeah
PONIKAROVSKY: You piss on ladies and died?
HOLLWEG: I’m Like a Boss!
PONIKAROVSKY: Yea, you say dat like a thousand times.
HOLLWEG: Like a Boss!
PONIKAROVSKY: Schenn, get out here! (LUKE SCHENN appears and knocks HOLLWEG to the ground)
SCHENN: You are now carrying my child.

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, March 6 2009

Today's theme is fun with media types.

clip one: announcer Randy Moller has some fun calling goals for the Florida Panthers.


clip two: Ryan Hollweg does a pretty good Chris Farley impersonation. This almost makes him squee worthy. Almost


clip three: Jeremy Williams, Alexei Ponikarovsky and Nik Antropov (WAH!) talk about...random stuff

Antro and Poni Super Awesome show 2: Time to Say goodbye

(SCENE: ALEXEI PONIKAROVSKY, NIK ANTROPOV and DOMINIC MOORE are sitting on some folding chairs in ANTROPOV’s basement. A video camera is set up on a tripod filming them.)
ANTROPOV: Hello! I am Nik Antropov!
PONIKAROVSKY: An I is Alex Ponikarovsky!
ANTROPOV: Welcome to Antrov and Poni Awesome Show that Is Good.
PONIKAROVSKY: Why is your name first? All the time, “Antro and Poni”
ANTROPOV: Dat’s how they do it in hockey, is by last names.
PONIKAROVSKY: But by first names, Alexei comes before Nik.
MOORE: Uh, guys...
PONIKAROVSKY: Sorry. And we also has special guest, Serial Killer college boy—
ANTROPOV: (harsh whisper)Don’t say that to his face!
PONIKAROVSKY: (harsh whisper): Why not? Why are you whispering?
ANTROPOV: (whisper) He’s right THERE!
MOORE: So, uh, I’m Dominic Moore and—
PONIKAROVSKY: (normal voice) Right. Is big show today. We gots Dominic Moore who is totally not a serial killer like the guy from dat show, and later we has Matt Stajan for talkings about stuff.
(ANTROPOV’s phone rings)
ANTROPOV: Hello? And wha? To where? (sad face) ok. Ok. (hangs up) I’d traded to Rangers of New York.
PONIKAROVSKY: Wha? Oh noes, it cants…(breaks down crying)
ANTROPOV: Is ok Poni, I shell be Ranger of New York, which is better than being Ranger of Old York, with Chuck Norris.
MOORE: Chuck Norris isn’t on the Rangers, that was just some dumb TV show!
PONIKAROVSKY: You’s ruining moment (ANTROPOV starts bawling as well)
ANTROPOV: I promised I wouldn’t cry…
STAJAN (From backstage, which is a shower curtain): DAMMIT! Why do all my friends keep getting traded?! Fuck this! I’m going to Tim’s and getting some donuts! And then...somewhere to get a bottle of tequila! (Storms out of basement)
(MOORE’s phone rings)
MOORE: Hello? Yeah. To Buffalo?...oh. Ok. Uh, thanks. Yeah, I can be there. Ok. (MOORE hangs up, looks left and looks right, sneaks away from sobbing PONIKAROVSKY and ANTROPOV.) Buffalo can’t be that bad, can it?

But really, Rebel_Yell and Antrobot_80000, thanks for everything.

Antro and Poni super Awesome show!

(note: the following video of how Nik Antropov and Alexei Ponikarvosky are so different kind of inspired Jaredoflondon and I to write this. Glove tap to Jared)


(SCENE: ANTROPOV, PONIKAROVSKY, and TOSKALA are sitting on some folding chairs in Nik Antropov’s basement. A video camera is set up on a tripod filming them.)
ANTROPOV:Hi I am Antropov!
TOSKALA: who are you laaaike, talking to?
ANTROPOV: Is start of show! to audience!
TOSKALA: Wat audience?
PONIKAROVSKY: Oh yes, Hi I is Alexi!
ANTROPOV: Welcome to "the Super Awesome Antro and Poni Show that is good"
PONIKAROVSKY: We have awesome guests like Vesa Toskala and Jasonblake doing a spinny thing.
TOSKALA: I thought you laaike saaaid this would be a show, where is the chrowd? Is that Jiri's Camera? I rheeckognize if from laaike....nevehermind
ANTROPOV: it is small sho, underground
PONIKAROVSKY: we's even in basement for it
ANTROPOV: shut it Poni
PONIKAROVSKY: no Nik, stop it
ANTROPOV:Is even catered. Alex, you call dominos yet? order cheesebourger pizza, is great!
PONIKAROVSKY: Nik, is your turn dis week
BLAKE: (from backstage, which is behind a shower curtain)Hey guys, when do I come out for the stupid animal tricks? You know, my spinny trick in the shootout and stuff?
ANTROPOV: we's no done wit vesa yet
PONIKAROVSKY: yes, quiet Jason Blake
BLAKE: quit calling me jasonblake. Just jason works
PONIKAROVSKY: but is your name, jasonblake, why you not like it when we call you your name? jasonblake
TOSKALA: is laiiike shake and bake
ANTROPOV:is good one, Vesa!
TOSKALA: So, when do we laaike get to talk about my cloths, i wore my laaike best micky mouse shirt
ANTROPOV:(looks at poni) Jasonblake, you is on now, do your spinny trick for camera
PONIKAROVSKY: Haha, like hamster wheel!
BLAKE:I don't know why, but people keep sending me this video of a hamster eating popcorn. I can't get that song out of my head
ANTROPOV:Hamster on a piano!
BLAKE: GAH I can't forget it it's burnt into my brain
ANTROPOV: is cute, little hamster dere
PONIKAROVSKY: is stupid, high voice is annoying. and where is dominos?
ANTROPOV: is not ordered yet, you has not picked up phone, cannot come if you not order!
PONIKAROVSKY: is still your turn! i bought last time
ANTROPOV:I buy, you order is how it goes, last time you buy i order you are ruining system
PONIKAROVSKY: Youse making stuff up! Ders is no system
ANTROPOV:Is clearly outlined in house rules, had serial killer college boy write up in english
PONIKAROVSKY: He noes kill people, i sees no bodies
ANTROPOV: Course he kills people, just looks like guy from show, show is messy, lots of bloods. Has lots of plastic wrap in car, told me they for leftovers, but is way more plastic wrap den one guy needs
BLAKE: Wait, are you guys talking about Dominic Moore? Well, he does kinda look like Dexter…nevermind, this is getting too weird, I’m out of here. (goes upstairs)
TOSKALA: uh guys is dat laaaike, de lenscap is still on?
BLAKE: (from upstairs) Sweet, who ordered the pizza?
PONIKAROVSKY: FUCK! Antro you forgot lenses cap is on
ANTROPOV: is not even mine camera! you forgots!
TOSKALA: Jason, what kind of pizza is it?
BLAKE: tastes like a hamburger...no a cheeseburger! (ANTROPOV And PONIKAROVSKY Look at each other)
ANTROPOV:I LIKES PIZZA
PONIKAROVSKY: I likes cheesbourgers...
ANTROPOV:how coulds you no like cheesbourgers?
PONIKAROVSKY: JASONBLAKE NO EATS OUR CHEESEBOURGERS PIZZA!
TOSKALA: I thought no one laaike ordered pizza, where did this come from?
ANTROPOV: Quite yous, you is spoiling moment
PONIKAROVSKY: is magic pizza fairy! (all run upstairs)
BLAKE: It was sitting right here on the table when I came up, there was a note too but the grease ruined it, the only part I could make out was love Pa Ku ina. What do you think that means?
ANTROPOV:Is Hawaiian pizza?
PONIKAROVSKY: is little white thing on dis piece, like tiny foot balls and is still good
ANTROPOV: I feels all tingly…
PONIKAROVSKY: Hawaiian cheesbourgers? Is weird is crazy!
BLAKE: here Vesa, have some magic pizza.
TOSKALA: I can't it laaaike wrecks my complexion
ANTROPOV:I can not feel my legs, pizza is good, dis reminds me of last time Hobo guy make us drinks
PONIKAROVSKY:jaaaaaayyyyyyaaaaasonblaaake, it feels funny on my tongue
BLAKE: I just realized your last name is Poni, like pooooony, you know the mini horse? poooony, whoa, the walls are melting
KUBINA:(watching through binoculars): excellent, plan is in effect
KABERLE: what you watching?
KUBINA: Uh...nothing, I thought you were looking at houses in Philadelphia
KABERLE: dat's just some dumb rumour in internet, is not true
KUBINA: Oh, I was all excited to meet dis Jeff Carter man, he look like he would enjoy nice roofie collada
KABERLE: roofie colada?
KUBINA: Is secret recipe. Yes, you had one last night, liked it much a lot. You no complain of your hand hurting anymore.
KABERLE: I don’t remember
KUBINA: That is point--you was so stressed I thought you'd like something relaxing (GRABOVSKI enters)
GRABOVSKI: Has you guys seen my pineapple? I was going to make crazy cake! is with pined apples and is upside down!
KABERLE: That is not cake, is mess, you just stab pined apple with big knife, is juice everywhere! Is sticky now
KUBINA: You say you was going to clean it, you not, maybe you need refreshing drink...for energy

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, January 16, 2009

Today, I have decided to dedicate FYY to three videos that have formed the comedic background of not only my writing, but the whole Barilkosphere.

clip one: Vesa toskala has some clohs he laaikes a LOT


clip two: Nik Antropov and Alexei Ponikarovsky are like the new odd couple, only with Russian accents and cheesbourgers


clip three: BACON YADA!

Maple Leafs Chat: a new Visitor

***Welcome to the official chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs***
PoniRides4aBuck: hey guys, check out this thing Antro sents me
StajanNotCajan:oh man, is it another cat picture?
PoniRides4aBuck: no, is interwebs story. If you says “wendel clark “ 5 times into mirror, he comes and punchs in all your bloods!
ShakeNBlake: don’t you mean punch OUT your blood?
PoniRides4aBuck: whatevers is awesome
ShakeNBlake: That’s ridiculous. It’s idiotic. I AM A 40 GOAL SCORER!
StajanNotCajan:well, let’s get a rookie to test it out.
***Son_of_a_mitch has entered the chat room***
Son_of_a_mitch: ‘sup fuckers?
StajanNotCajan: hey Mitch, you got a mirror?
Son_of_a_mitch: yeah, why?
PoniRides4aBuck: Look in it and says Wendel Clark 5 times
Son_of_a_mitch: Wendel Clark 5 times
StajanNotCajan: No man, say the words “Wendel Clark” 5 different times while looking at the mirror
Son_of_a_mitch: Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark.
***Crunchin_Clark has appaeared in John Mitchell’s place***
Son_of_a_mitch: HOLY FUCK
Crunchin_clark: What the? Did you summon me? I was just about to fall asleep! What’s wrong with you?
*** Crunchin_clark has started punching out Son_of_a_mitch’s blood***
Son_of_a_mitch: AHHH!! FUCK!! OW OF FUCK I WANNA FUCKIN LIVE AHHHH!! He…he fuckin punched out all my fucking blood!! FUCK! Call ambulance
ShakeNBlake: I call bullshit
StajanNotCajan: Why would he bother to type out the screams?
StajanNotCajan: /takes out compact
StajanNotCajan: Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark
*** Crunchin_clark has appeared in StajanNotCajan’s place***
StajanNotCajan: AHHHH! OH NOES! Will you punch out all my blood?
Crunchin_clark: Oh don’t worry—I couldn’t punch you out. Punching you would be like punching a puppy. Don’t worry little guy—you just keep watching your cartoons and eating cookies.
ShakeNBlake: /takes out mirror
ShakeNBlake: Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark
***Crunchin_clark has left StajanNotCajan’s place and appeared at ShakeNBlake***
StajanNotCajan: Where did Wendel go? Why are my pants….? Oh dammit, did I wet myself in front of Wendel Clark?
Crunchin_clark: Why does this keep happening to me?
Crunchin_clark: /starts punching ShakeNBlake
ShakeNBlake:AHHH! OOOOWWWWWOOWWWOOWOWOWOWOW!! OH GODS! Ah…he…HE PUNCHED ALL MY CANCER OUT! I AM A 40 GOAL SCORER! I still need an ambulance…
***Welcome to Patrick Roy’s lair somewhere in the wilderness of Quebec***
King_wa: hokay, time to checkay les emails…penis enlargements, delete…."you want to makes your partner tremble?”, delete…what’s dis?” Say Wendel Clark 5 times and he comes and punches out all your blood”? Tout le sang? Bullshit
King_wa:/takes out mirror
King_wa: Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark, Wendel Clark
*** Crunchin_clark has appeared in king_wa’s Quebec lair***
Crunchin_clark: GODDAM INTERNET!
Crunchin_clark:/ punches out king_wa’s blood
King_wa: WENDEL CLARK A PUNCHÉ TOUT MON SANG!