Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Hi everyone! I am, in fact, STILL ALIVE. There was a largish storm a few weeks ago (you may have heard about it, as it left lots of people with no power.) Luckliy, we only lost power for about 2 hours. However, this totally fried our home computer. This means I cannot do anything until I get back to Quebec January 4. I promise, I'll do a whole week of LOLeafs or something to make up for leaving you all hanging. The good news is, I've been writing new material almost every day this whole break, so as soon as I sit down to type it, it's yours to enjoy.

See you next year!


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Cooking with the Leafs

In the spirit of the holidays, I asked some NHL players to share their favorite dishes with their fans.

Tomas Kabele’s special Czech happy fun time cake
5-6 slice of bread (Kabby likes whole wheat, but white will do fine)
500 grams brown sugar
500 grams flour
4 eggs
3 kilos butter, melted
4-5 handfuls of gummi bears
Cinnamon (to taste)
A few mint leaves

1: combine all ingredients and mix until a sloppy paste.
2: Pour batter into a baking pan greased with bacon fat.
3: Briefly consider how you would look in orange and black; decide blue and white better fits your skin tones.
4: Bake Batter at 100 Celsius or until slightly solid.
5: To serve, sprinkle with additional gummi bears or butter, as desired.

Vesa Toskala’s Orphan stew*
*Orphans are freely available in Finnish supermarkets. However, if orphans are unavailable, cat, Chihuahua, or hippie meat will work just fine. Just note that using hippie meat may result in a positive drug test

2 kilos orphan meat
1 litre orphan blood
4 large potatoes, cubed
4 carrots, peeled and sliced
1 litre chicken broth (Finnish seawater will also work fine)
1 small onion (but make someone else cut it—The Vesa hates it when he cries)
Metric shittonne of paprika
Whole mess of salt

Combine ingredients in a slow cooker and cook for 7 hours or until orphan meat reaches desired doneness. While it’s cooking feel free to get a manicure, a haircut, or a new manpurse. The Vesa knows you’ve earned it.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, December 5, 2008

Since I head home to dialup on Sunday (I love month long breaks), today's FYY will be the last for about a month. Today's theme is awesome covers.

clip one (sorry for the link but embedding's disabled) is a lounge cover of "Somebody Told me" By Richard Cheese and Lounge against the Machine Just right click and open in a new window or something

clip two: "I Get Around" as Performed on Mario Paint Composer

clip three: Dion Phanuef sings "Don't Stop Believing" (or at least he tries) Feel free to make your own sloppy seconds joke

Monday, December 1, 2008

Travels with Carlo: Customs Calamity

(SECNE, CARLO COLAIACOVO, ALEX STEEN, and ALEX’S WIFE SOPHIE are all inside of a customs/immigration office building)

COLAIACOVO: Hey folks, welcome to another episode of “Travels with Carlo”
SOPHIE: Who is he talking to?
ALEX: I have no idea—he does this all the time
COLAIACOVO: I’m here with Alex and his wife…uh…Lady Steen, and were inside the actual customs office since Alex’s dual Swedish/Canadian nationality kinda complicates things
CUSTOMS OFFICER: So, Mr. Steen, you were born in Manitoba, Canada, correct?
ALEX: Yes, sir, but I spent a lot of my childhood in Germany and then Sweden
CUSTOMS OFFICER: So you were born in Manitoba, raised in Europe…how the Hell did you end up with such a Yooper accent?
ALEX: I don’t know sir, just don’t kill me, please.
CUSTOMS OFFICER: Oh, that’s ok, I was just curious. Anyway, do any of you have any alcohol or tobacco?
ALEX: Nope.
SOPHIE: No, sir
COLAIACOVO: (chuckles) I’m not sure about tobacco or alcohol, but Alex might have like 1200 grams of weed, a few hits of X and a few knives shoved up his butt (Swarm of IMMIGRATION OFFICERS takes ALEX to a back room for questioning)
CUSTOMS OFFICER: OK, so Mr. Cola—Calyaya—Cookahasky…do you have any sort of weapons, you know, guns, knives, mace…
COLAIACOVO: (holds up arms in classic body builder pose) THESE are MY guns! (Swarm of IMMIGRATION OFFICERS takes COLAIACOVO to a back room for questioning)
SOPHIE: OH , I know what you’re doing, sir! You are going to give him and my husband tickets to the Immigrations Officer’s Ball
CUSTOMS OFFICER: Ma’am, Immigration officers don’t have balls…on second thought, guys, bring her in for further questioning, too.

16 hours later…
SOPHIE: You stupid boys! We could have gone through that with lots less difficulty if you just kept your mouths shut!
ALEX: Good God, I feel so dirty and violated…
COLAIACOVO: (not so cheery) Well, folks…that was our introduction to life in St. Louis…
ALEX: Carlo, I’m totally killing you in your sleep
SOPHIE: I don’t like St. Louis
COLAIACOVO: Well, folks, that’s all the time we have for this episode of “Travels with Carlo.” Thanks for watching!


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