Friday Youtube Yoinkage, November 27, 2009

Today, the Youtube yoinkage is going into the kitchen. Normally, I don't really like cooking at all, but considering yesterday was American Thanksgiving, it's been on my mind. As an added bonus, here's a recipe my mom found for my gluten intolerant sister. It's insanely delicious but really rich and filling, so cut it into smaller slices:

pie crust:
2/3 cup chocolate chips
2 tablespoons heavy cream
2 teaspoons shortening
1 cup chopped walnuts

melt everything but nuts, then add nuts and pour/spread into pie plate. refrigerate 1 hour before filling

filling:
1 8 ounce package of cream cheese
1 cup peanut butter (optional: 2 extra tables spoons for garnish)
1/2 cup sugar
1 12 ounce package cool whip, thawed
optional: hot fudge

beat cream cheese until smooth, add peanut butter and sugar, mix well. Fold in 3 cups cool whip, top with fudge and cool whip.

Onto the videos!

Clip one: For some reason, I was wondering if there could ever be a raw food cooking show, on account of the food staying, well, raw. This adorable child demonstrating how to make raw cookies showed me that it could be possible (but 3 hours in a dehydrator? Who would think raw food would be so much work?)


clip two: Now, I couldn't have a post about cooking and hockey without including this clip of Evgeni Malkin and Alyonka Larionov on PensTV. Highlights include ample use of Russian, obvious sexual tension, and a surprise visit from Kris LeTang.


Clip three: Jody Vance and Wade Belak go cooking in an episode of "Wade a Minute." Highlights include...well, Wade Belak cooking. That's all you need to know

Cooking with the NHL, part two

I know it’s been a long time since the last volume of cooking with the NHL, but I keep getting recipes from people.

Max Talbot’s Oreo Cheesecake
1: Buy a plain cheesecake. Make sure you throw out the box so they think you made it yourself.
2: Crumble Oreos on top of it
3: pour chilled Boone’s farm (any flavor) into your finest dollar store serving glasses
4: wait for the hot bitches to arrive.

Eggs a la Hollweg
(interesting story: An odd young man smelling faintly of bacon grease and pickles with a greasy mullet and wannabe pirate mustache stopped me one day and pressed a greasy napkin into my hand. On that napkin was the following recipe, hastily scribbled. I have yet to see that man again)
I eat this often an it’s pretty tasty.
Ingrediants:
Pot of water
Salt
Ketchup
Buttload of eggs

1: get a pot full of water and put it on a hotplate.
2: throw in some salt. I dunno how much cuz I don’t mess around with fairy shit like “smidgen.”
3: put in your eggs, shell an all in the pot. Cover the pot
4: put on “2 girls 1 cup” (Dir. R. Hollweg), jerk off an fall asleep
5: wake up 2 hours later
6: how the fuck did I burn eggs?
7: say “fuck it” an call Dominoes

Kyle Wellwood’s English muffin pizzas
You know, I’ve enjoyed English muffin pizzas for a long time, but since I joined the Canucks, I’ve discovered a whole new twist!
You will need:
English muffins
Ketchup (or spaghetti sauce if you’re feeling fancy)
Cheese (whatever kind you like, personally I use the square kind in the little wrappers)
BBQ potato chips, crushed
“Vancity spice”, as desired

1: cut the English muffins and put them on a cookie sheet lined with aluminum foil
2:cover muffins with ketchup, “Vancity spice”, cheese, chips, more “Vancity spice” (Note: I’ve also used different toppings in addition to these, like bacon, peppers, and a can of frosting. Feel free to play around with the ingredients a bit if you like.)
3: bake in oven at 425 F for about 15 minutes or until the muffins are toasted and the cheese is melted, or until you just can’t wait to eat them.

Cooking with the Leafs

In the spirit of the holidays, I asked some NHL players to share their favorite dishes with their fans.

Tomas Kabele’s special Czech happy fun time cake
5-6 slice of bread (Kabby likes whole wheat, but white will do fine)
500 grams brown sugar
500 grams flour
4 eggs
3 kilos butter, melted
4-5 handfuls of gummi bears
Cinnamon (to taste)
A few mint leaves

1: combine all ingredients and mix until a sloppy paste.
2: Pour batter into a baking pan greased with bacon fat.
3: Briefly consider how you would look in orange and black; decide blue and white better fits your skin tones.
4: Bake Batter at 100 Celsius or until slightly solid.
5: To serve, sprinkle with additional gummi bears or butter, as desired.

Vesa Toskala’s Orphan stew*
*Orphans are freely available in Finnish supermarkets. However, if orphans are unavailable, cat, Chihuahua, or hippie meat will work just fine. Just note that using hippie meat may result in a positive drug test

2 kilos orphan meat
1 litre orphan blood
4 large potatoes, cubed
4 carrots, peeled and sliced
1 litre chicken broth (Finnish seawater will also work fine)
1 small onion (but make someone else cut it—The Vesa hates it when he cries)
Metric shittonne of paprika
Whole mess of salt

Combine ingredients in a slow cooker and cook for 7 hours or until orphan meat reaches desired doneness. While it’s cooking feel free to get a manicure, a haircut, or a new manpurse. The Vesa knows you’ve earned it.