Sunday, August 3, 2008

Bizzaro Leafs Report: Fletcher signs Lindros to 1-Year Contract for Colouring Books, More

Surprising news out of Toronto today as Cliff Fletcher announced that he has worked out a 1 year deal with centre Eric Lindros for “multiple colouring books and a box of crayons” with an additional incentive of “some of those super awesome crayons with the glitter in them” should the Leafs make the playoffs.

“It was a hard and well-fought negotiation process”, said Fletcher in a pres conference yesterday afternoon. “Eric’s agent originally offered 2 years and a bunch of those scented markers, but I said ‘The man already has enough brain damage and we don’t need him huffing markers to make it worse.’ We eventually settled on one year and a 96 count box with a sharpener built into the back."

This new agreement means the 35 year old and 5 time All-Star will be coming out of retirement for a second stint with the Maple Leafs after a less than satisfactory run in 2005-2006. Lindros told reporters yesterday, “I’m so glad to have another chance with the Maple Leafs organization and I promise that I will try my hardest to not suck. Retirement is so boring, I mean, you can only play so much golf and jack off so often, you know?” Besides, how could I resist all these awesome colouring books and a built-in sharpener? I’d be a fool to pass up that opportunity. I just hope they don’t give me any of those connect-the-dot thingys. Those are hard!


Jaredoflondon said...

I hear his agent got him some legos in the deal but his mom re-neged on the fact that they are a choking hazard.


Do crayons count against the salary cap?

general borschevsky said...

I like this one a lot. It'll be important to keep an accurate count of the crayons to make sure he doesn't stick any up his nose or in his ears. Also, he's a hungry boy - he might eat them.
Good to have him back on the team, though.

Anonymous said...

on another note, ho happy does he look in that picture?

I love Lindros.

Loser Domi said...

Jared: his mom also turned down and entire roll of aluminum foil, saying he'd cut himself.

OMGWTFTML: First off, thanks for coming in. I think crayons only start counting in the larger boxes, but I think 96 is juuuust under that.

GB: he's a hungry boy - he might eat them. yet anothe rreason it's good they aren't paying him in Legos. Those must hurt

anon: Thanks for coming in. Lindros looks flipping stoked in that photo.


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