Sunday, August 10, 2008

Just a Story from a Player's Perspective: Evgeni Malkin

A while ago, Wrap Around Curl got a hold of some fanfiction written about Evgeni Malkin. I read it and glanced over some other such fanfics (in-depth reading made me feel creepy and stalker-ish.) However, I noticed one significant trait—all of the stories were told from the author’s perspective, and not that of the players. I felt there was a void that needed filling; that there needed to be some sort of a supplement to what was already there—you know, to balance things out. So pour your finest of Boone’s Farm and grab your battery operated devices for Just a Story from a Player Perspective: Evgeni Malkin!

A few days ago I saw Elizabeth. She had on a black dress again—always with the black with her. I don’t know why. But at least she’s not one of those emo kids. That’s always a plus. She’s always so worried about her being only a week away from 18. Only a week short of 18? Like that would actually stop me and most other NHL dudes. You should see the kind of gutter tramps Max Talbot picks up with Boone’s Farm and Double Stuff Oreos.

So anyway, we drove around looking for somewhere to eat and after a while we learn there wasn’t anywhere that was open. Then I thought, “well, doesn’t she work at Denny’s? Aren’t they always open, like, all the time?” But since she spends so much time complaining about working there, I thought that must be like the last place on earth she wanted to go. Too bad she wasn’t in Russia I’d just take her to my restaurant. It’s a pretty neat place. Anyway, we got coffee and then we were at this park and she was all “I don’t want to get you in trouble, blahblahblah feelings blahblahblah you’re a nice guy BUT I don’t want to bang you yet.” Or something like that—she keeps forgetting I only understand about 3 words out of any given sentence she says. Anyway, we start kissing and I saw her earrings and all I could think was, “These are really nice! I bet my mom would like a pair just like them. I should ask her where she got them.” Then she started on with the whole feelings stuff again. Oh well. Maybe this’ll all blow over before the season starts.

13 Comments:

wrap around curl said...

Yes! It calls for a sequel.

Bravo, you have outdone yourself.

Lori said...

Beautiful. My favorite part (besides blah blah feelings blah) was the reference to Max Talbot and gutter tramps. Excellent work.

"Dave Schultz" said...

and wooing them with Boone's Farm and Double Stuff Oreos. Fab.

Marvelous WIn said...

Max tallbot just seems like a dirty porn start ro me... even that name

Jaredoflondon said...

so very gold, I second the sequel.

OMGWTFTML said...

I love this
Normally I go for the slash when it comes to fan fiction. There is something about reading how Osgood admires Zetterbergs body in the locker room that makes me laugh.

eyebleaf said...

brilliant idea, and wonderfully executed. bravo indeed. i hope kate sees this.

Loser Domi said...

Thanks to everyone (and welcome Marvelous WIn and Lori). I have another with Max Talbot's attempts to woo women with Boone's farm and Oreos as well as a more risque oen with Sid Crosby. Are there any suggested targets?

OMGWTFTMLO, I flirted with a Kubina/McCabe, but like 2girls1cup and the Bud Dwyer suicide, there are some things you can't unimagine.

Lori said...

I can't wait to read Sid's, and I say this as a diehard pens fan. As far as romance is concerned, the awkward moments must write themselves.

1980DavidBowie said...

This. Is.

AWESOME.

Turd Ferguson said...

I'm surprised that Malkin actually knew that much English.

Loser Domi said...

turd, me and Malkin's translator are tight.

1980davidbowie, have you been here before? IF so, welcome!

dani said...

Gutter tramps??!!! I loves that!

 

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