Sunday, August 2, 2009

Maple Leafs Chat: In Search of Truculence


***Welcome to the Official Chat Room of the Toronto Maple Leafs!***
I_Ron_Butterfly:
Now let's see...Christ. This D-Squad is such a log jam...
***BurkeBack_Mountain has entered the chat room!***
BurkeBack_Mountain:
RONNIE MAKE ROOM FOR YOUR NEXT TOP FORWARD
I_Ron_Butterfly: Well, at least it isn't another defenceman. Who did you get? Jeff Carter? Brad Richards? Some hot young prospect?
BurkeBack_Mountain: HIS NAME IS GUSTAV GUSTAVSSON JR.
I_Ron_Butterfly: I've never heard of him--is he from some Swedish league or something?
BurkeBack_Mountain: HE JUST WON THE WORLD STRONG MAN COMPETITION
I_Ron_Butterfly: Huh. Can he skate?
BurkeBack_Mountain: I DON'T KNOW BUT HE CAN PULL A TRACTOR WITH HIS TEETH! IF THAT'S NOT TRUCULENCE AND TESTOSTERONE I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!
I_Ron_Butterfly: Testosterone? With all the steroids he's probably on? His testicles must be the size of Tic Tacs.
BurkeBack_Mountain: TRUCULENCE!
I_Ron_Butterfly: Are you...are you feeling OK, Brian? You seem a little...off.
BurkeBack_Mountain: I'VE BEEN EATING NODOZ AND DRINKING RED BULL AND WATCHING VERSUS FOR THREE DAYS AND NIGHTS!
I_Ron_Butterfly: That sounds incredibly unhealthy, Brian. Tell you what--book yourself a hotel room and just sleep for about 4 days, and I'll come water your plants and feed your fish and stuff for you. OK?
BurkeBack_Mountain: NEED MORE TRUCULENCE!
***BurkeBack_Mountain has left the chat room!***
I_Ron_Butterfly:
Hanta yo, Burkie.

***PoniRides4aBuck has entered the chat room!***
PoniRides4aBuck:
Hi, CoachRonWilson!
I_Ron_Butterfly: Alexei! What the Hell are you doing here?
PoniRides4aBuck: Because you are best coach ever, I make you brownies with caramel and peanut butter.
I_Ron_Butterfly: Get out of my office, Alexei! Leave the brownies, but get out of here!
PoniRides4aBuck: OK, CoachRonWilson!
I_Ron_Butterfly:And another thing-- quit calling me "CoachRonWilson!" Just "Coach" or "Ron" is fine.
PoniRides4aBuck: Whatever you say, CoachRonWilson.
***PoniRides4aBuck has left the chat room!***
I_Ron_Butterfly:
Hanta yo, Alexei. I hope you like Nashville.

8 Comments:

sleza said...

sniff... but they can't trade poni!!

Jaredoflondon said...

this is seven shades of awesome.
I love Poni

Aubrey said...

Shoot. I just spit root beer all over my keyboard. I ought to know better than to drink while reading.

blindfolded tank driver said...

Poni should have brought CoachRonWilson an ince cold case of Sosa Sola as well. Next time, Poni, next time.

Loser Domi said...

Sleza: I don't know if they will trade poni. They almost did...

Jared: thanks!

Aubrey: I don't know if you've been here before, but welcome!

BTD: Some sosa Sola and a few Mac Ds would be really really niiiiiiice

Aubrey said...

Been a reader since the start of the offseason, first comment. Although you crack me up on a regular basis :)

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