Apologies

Hi everyone! I am, in fact, STILL ALIVE. There was a largish storm a few weeks ago (you may have heard about it, as it left lots of people with no power.) Luckliy, we only lost power for about 2 hours. However, this totally fried our home computer. This means I cannot do anything until I get back to Quebec January 4. I promise, I'll do a whole week of LOLeafs or something to make up for leaving you all hanging. The good news is, I've been writing new material almost every day this whole break, so as soon as I sit down to type it, it's yours to enjoy.

See you next year!

Domi

Cooking with the Leafs

In the spirit of the holidays, I asked some NHL players to share their favorite dishes with their fans.

Tomas Kabele’s special Czech happy fun time cake
5-6 slice of bread (Kabby likes whole wheat, but white will do fine)
500 grams brown sugar
500 grams flour
4 eggs
3 kilos butter, melted
4-5 handfuls of gummi bears
Cinnamon (to taste)
A few mint leaves

1: combine all ingredients and mix until a sloppy paste.
2: Pour batter into a baking pan greased with bacon fat.
3: Briefly consider how you would look in orange and black; decide blue and white better fits your skin tones.
4: Bake Batter at 100 Celsius or until slightly solid.
5: To serve, sprinkle with additional gummi bears or butter, as desired.

Vesa Toskala’s Orphan stew*
*Orphans are freely available in Finnish supermarkets. However, if orphans are unavailable, cat, Chihuahua, or hippie meat will work just fine. Just note that using hippie meat may result in a positive drug test

2 kilos orphan meat
1 litre orphan blood
4 large potatoes, cubed
4 carrots, peeled and sliced
1 litre chicken broth (Finnish seawater will also work fine)
1 small onion (but make someone else cut it—The Vesa hates it when he cries)
Metric shittonne of paprika
Whole mess of salt

Combine ingredients in a slow cooker and cook for 7 hours or until orphan meat reaches desired doneness. While it’s cooking feel free to get a manicure, a haircut, or a new manpurse. The Vesa knows you’ve earned it.

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, December 5, 2008

Since I head home to dialup on Sunday (I love month long breaks), today's FYY will be the last for about a month. Today's theme is awesome covers.

clip one (sorry for the link but embedding's disabled) is a lounge cover of "Somebody Told me" By Richard Cheese and Lounge against the Machine Just right click and open in a new window or something

clip two: "I Get Around" as Performed on Mario Paint Composer


clip three: Dion Phanuef sings "Don't Stop Believing" (or at least he tries) Feel free to make your own sloppy seconds joke

Travels with Carlo: Customs Calamity

(SECNE, CARLO COLAIACOVO, ALEX STEEN, and ALEX’S WIFE SOPHIE are all inside of a customs/immigration office building)

COLAIACOVO: Hey folks, welcome to another episode of “Travels with Carlo”
SOPHIE: Who is he talking to?
ALEX: I have no idea—he does this all the time
COLAIACOVO: I’m here with Alex and his wife…uh…Lady Steen, and were inside the actual customs office since Alex’s dual Swedish/Canadian nationality kinda complicates things
CUSTOMS OFFICER: So, Mr. Steen, you were born in Manitoba, Canada, correct?
ALEX: Yes, sir, but I spent a lot of my childhood in Germany and then Sweden
CUSTOMS OFFICER: So you were born in Manitoba, raised in Europe…how the Hell did you end up with such a Yooper accent?
ALEX: I don’t know sir, just don’t kill me, please.
CUSTOMS OFFICER: Oh, that’s ok, I was just curious. Anyway, do any of you have any alcohol or tobacco?
ALEX: Nope.
SOPHIE: No, sir
COLAIACOVO: (chuckles) I’m not sure about tobacco or alcohol, but Alex might have like 1200 grams of weed, a few hits of X and a few knives shoved up his butt (Swarm of IMMIGRATION OFFICERS takes ALEX to a back room for questioning)
ALEX: CARLO! You BITCH! I’ll KILL you!
CUSTOMS OFFICER: OK, so Mr. Cola—Calyaya—Cookahasky…do you have any sort of weapons, you know, guns, knives, mace…
COLAIACOVO: (holds up arms in classic body builder pose) THESE are MY guns! (Swarm of IMMIGRATION OFFICERS takes COLAIACOVO to a back room for questioning)
SOPHIE: OH , I know what you’re doing, sir! You are going to give him and my husband tickets to the Immigrations Officer’s Ball
CUSTOMS OFFICER: Ma’am, Immigration officers don’t have balls…on second thought, guys, bring her in for further questioning, too.

16 hours later…
SOPHIE: You stupid boys! We could have gone through that with lots less difficulty if you just kept your mouths shut!
ALEX: Good God, I feel so dirty and violated…
COLAIACOVO: (not so cheery) Well, folks…that was our introduction to life in St. Louis…
ALEX: Carlo, I’m totally killing you in your sleep
SOPHIE: I don’t like St. Louis
COLAIACOVO: Well, folks, that’s all the time we have for this episode of “Travels with Carlo.” Thanks for watching!

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, November 28, 2008

For today's FYY, I decided to do a tribute to Pavel Kubina

Clip one: Pavel talks about his hometown Ostrava, Czech Republic. in other words, CZECH MAN TALKING SHUT UP SO'S I CAN LISTEN AND DROOL


Clip two: generic "edgy" music + vids of Pavel Kubina hitting people = instant tribute!



Clip three: some kid named Justin Kubina "fails at life". I have no idea if he's related, but if he is, that makes it awesome

Maple Leafs Chat: Stajan Needs a BFF

***Welcome to Maple Leafs Chat***
StajanNotCajun: You guys…
***StajanNotCajun’s status is now “I has a major sad”***
StajanNotCajun: Alex, Carlo, I miss you guys so much already! Why do all my friends keep getting traded?
FullSteenAhead: We’ll keep in touch, Matty . We’re good friends
Coco_puffs: I’mma be honest, I’m not good at facebook and stuff like that. It’s nothing personal Matt.
StajanNotCajun: This sucks so hard. St Louis might as well be in Russia or something. I mean, WEST conference? That’s like 3 times zones away
FullSteenAhead: I’m going to miss the Family Guy marathons and all the times your girlfriend “Accidentally” loaded your iPod full of Beyonce music
StajanNotCajun: I’m going to miss the pillow fights, even though you guys cheated all the time
White Lightning: How the fuck do you cheat at a pillow fight?
Coco_puffs: I’m going to miss filling Whitey’s skates with shaving cream and baloney…man, that feels like it was just yesterday
White_lightning : That was yesterday, you asshole!
Coco_puffs: It wasn’t me this time! I swear
White_lightning : Aww…I couldn’t stay mad at you…you’re like a big, cuddly splodey-boned Eye-talian teddy bear
Coco_puffs: Matt …maybe you should have auditions for your new BFF
StajanNotCajun: You mean like “the Bachelor” but with me looking for dudes?
FullSteenAhead: Yeah! You could try to find some new best friends
StajanNotCajun: Isn’t that just like if your kid’s puppy dies and you buy a new puppy without them knowing?
Coco_puffs: not really since you knew about it ahead of time
StajanNotCajun: What do you want me to do? Hand out roses or something?
FullSteenAhead: you could hand out beers.


**welcome to Find Stajan a New BFF Chat room***
FullSteenAhead: SO what kind of skills could you bring to the relationship?
Trusty_tlusty: mad BFF skillz… I haz dem
StajanNotCajun: such as…?
Trusty_tlusty: I heartz peellow fights n being in ur room eeting ur chocklets
StajanNotCajun: Ok, that’s always a plus.
Trusty_Tlusty : i haz mad photo skillzz 2. i'z full of mad skillz
*** Trusty_tlusty has just been sent down to the Marlies***
StajanNotCajun: Well, shit.
Shake_n_blake: I could be your friend, Matt! We have lots in common
StajanNotCajun: like what?
Shake_n_blake: like we both like hockey…and…uhhh…we’re really pale…and uhhh….I like stuff. DO you like…stuff?
StajanNotCajun: I’ll think about it, ok?
Tosking_Heads: The Vesa would like to be BFFs with you, MattStajan. The Vesa and MattStajan could be shopping buddies and stay up all night giggling and doing each other’s hair
StajanNotCajun: Uhhhh…ok.
White_lightning : Hey Matt, uhhh….
StajanNotCajun: yeah Ian?
White_lightning : Could I be your BFF? I mean, It's hard to believe…That I couldn't see you were always there beside me, you know, Thought I was alone With no one to hold—
StajanNotCajun: Dude, are you quoting “High School Musical” at me?
White_lightning : NO! I’d never do anything do wussy and stupid! Besides, how’d you even KNOW it was High School Musical, you a pussy or something?
StajanNotCajun: I wouldn’t, but I guess I just got lucky and guessed. It’s not like I’ve seen all of them seventeen times each or anything!
White_lightning : And I totally don’t fall asleep to the songs playing on a loop every night, wuss.
StajanNotCajun: you suck!
White_lightning : no, YOU suck!
StajanNotCajun: /lingering tension…

Friday YouTube Yonkage, November 21, 2008

I'd like to do a few dedications to some of my fellow bloggers/Barilkospherians today. I don't do dedications very often and if I leave you out, I'll just get you next time.

I'd like to dedicate this first video to my Wake and bake boys Archimedes (Big Smoke Sports) and Eyebleaf (Sports and the City). Jon LaJoie's "High as Fuck":



I would like to dedicate to my second clip to Jaredof/from London (Die Hard Blue and White)I'm pretty sure in his perfect world, there exist Seven Seas of R(h)ye, and not just the Queen song that follows:


To Chemmy and PPP, for maintaining a very fine Toronto Maple Leafs blog, I dedicate to you the finest song of all: