Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Cooking with the Leafs

In the spirit of the holidays, I asked some NHL players to share their favorite dishes with their fans.

Tomas Kabele’s special Czech happy fun time cake
5-6 slice of bread (Kabby likes whole wheat, but white will do fine)
500 grams brown sugar
500 grams flour
4 eggs
3 kilos butter, melted
4-5 handfuls of gummi bears
Cinnamon (to taste)
A few mint leaves

1: combine all ingredients and mix until a sloppy paste.
2: Pour batter into a baking pan greased with bacon fat.
3: Briefly consider how you would look in orange and black; decide blue and white better fits your skin tones.
4: Bake Batter at 100 Celsius or until slightly solid.
5: To serve, sprinkle with additional gummi bears or butter, as desired.

Vesa Toskala’s Orphan stew*
*Orphans are freely available in Finnish supermarkets. However, if orphans are unavailable, cat, Chihuahua, or hippie meat will work just fine. Just note that using hippie meat may result in a positive drug test

2 kilos orphan meat
1 litre orphan blood
4 large potatoes, cubed
4 carrots, peeled and sliced
1 litre chicken broth (Finnish seawater will also work fine)
1 small onion (but make someone else cut it—The Vesa hates it when he cries)
Metric shittonne of paprika
Whole mess of salt

Combine ingredients in a slow cooker and cook for 7 hours or until orphan meat reaches desired doneness. While it’s cooking feel free to get a manicure, a haircut, or a new manpurse. The Vesa knows you’ve earned it.


Jennifer Hammer said...

The Kaberle gummy bear cake sounds oddly delicious

The idea that Vesa is a cannibal, even orphans, is disturbing. And makes his mask image even scarier.

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

TheVesa is one sick puppy.

Jaredoflondon said...

Czech Happy fun time cake is awesome stuff

The Vesa eats orphans only because they keep his skin smooth

wrap around curl said...

Orphan meat might be the funniest phrase of the month...

blurr1974 said...

i'm going to be making a trip up to the bay over Chrsitmas. anyone else need some hippy meat, or are you all using orphans?

Loser Domi said...

True story: I was looking up "Finnish cooking" for this and found a recipie for blood pancakes. It's just what you think--pancakes with blood in them. The website stated "Blood is available in Finnish supermarkets in the frozen food section"

I got to thinking "Does it say what kind of blood it is, like cow, pig...orphan?" And the stew just came from there

buddha hat said...

From the test kitchen:

That cake is friggin' horrible. It doesn't rise up and it tastes like a mouthful of sweet grease. But maybe I missed a step in the recipe.

Here in Canada you can't just disappear an orphan like you can in other countries so I'll test the stew with real pig not long pig.

I'll keep you posted as to how it turns out . . .


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