Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Czech Mates, or, LD fills out a request

(one last night, during a canucks game, those who watching --including Eyebleaf-- started talking about slashfic. I discovered that there was no slash fic about Tomas Kaberle. This makes no sense to me, as he's a very attractive man. Therefore, I set to right this.

The setting for this particular story--don't worry, it's totally PG!--is Kubina and Kaberle rooming together on the road. It is told in Kubina's perspective)

Tomas has been sad for do long. Since Bryan McCabe and Mats Sundin left the team, he's seemed so distant. When he plays, it's like his head isn't in the game anymore. It breaks my heart to see him like that. Sure, maybe I haven't been in Toronto as long as he has, but I think I could be his friend.

I finally worked up the courage to ask him what was the matter one night on a Western road trip with the team. "Kabbie", I said, "Why are you so sad?" "Sad?" he replied, "why would I be sad? I play for Maple Leafs, I love Toronto, I make cross ice pass like you won't believe. Why would I be sad?" I rolled my eyes, "Kabbie, I can hear you listening to Simple Plan and crying softly at night when you think nobody can hear you. When you're on the ice, your look like your head is somewhere else. Your eyes are the saddest eyes I have ever seen. I'm your friend, Tomas, you can say--"
"--No. I'm FINE Pavel, just leave me alone."

With that, Kabbie shut off his light and tried to sleep. I lied awake, wondering what I should do now. I could tell he was upset, but he didn't want to talk about it. I wondered what I could say to get him to open up when I heard him mutter in our native Czech, "ohhh...mmm...get in my mouth you big, sloppy muffin."

What the hell? Sloppy? well, I suppose I go a while in between haircuts and shaves. Kabbie murmured again, "Oh, you're so delicious and warm and soft in my mouth. I love you muffin."

I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.

The next day at practice, my legs felt like they were made of lead. It felt like it would never end. After practice, Tomas asked me "Pavel, what's wrong? you looked like you were made of mud out there today." I told him about the previous night and how confused it made me feel.

He gave me an odd look. "Muffins? what's to be confused about, Pavel? I love muffins--you know, the little cake thingys with the crunchy tops? Sometimes they have chocolate chips or blueberries or--"

I cut in, "I know what a muffin is, Tomas."

Kabbie continued. "They are so warm and delicious. I really like muffins."

There was an awkward pause as I tried to find my next words. "oh", I said. All I could say was "oh."


wrap around curl said...

This was amazing. I couldn't stop giggling.

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

I'm with Wrap; seriously, this was hilarious.

I can totally see Kabbie listening to Simple Plan, those fuckers.

And I love how you incorporated the Kaberle song.

Jaredoflondon said...

wow...just....just wow

general borschevsky said...

Yummy muffin. LD-licious.

Loser Domi said...

thanks all you guys. Glad you liked it. I tried extra hard to incorporate the Kaberle song.

@general b: "LD-licious." Is is ok if I steal that?


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