Friday YouTube Yoinkage: October 3, 2008

Howdy ho Domiteers! This Friday's theme is quite simply "WTF?"

Clip one: James Blunt on Sesame Street. I don't know whether to laugh or cry:


Clip two: Dancin' Kim shows us all how to do the Cabbage Patch. I never knew the Cabbage Patch had 5 steps to it. Thanks Dancin' Kim!

'80s Dances:How To Do The Cabbage Patch

Clip Three: Electronik Supersonik. There are no words:

Welcome to Maple Leafs Chat!

**Welcome to the Toronto Maple Leafs Team Chat room!**

StajanNotCajun: Alex, can I be honest?

Full_STEEN_Ahead: sure man u can tell me anything

StajanNotCajun: …I’m really ghonna miss kyle

Full_STEEN_Ahead: DAMMIT not again you’ve been bitchin about this all summer

StajanNotCajun:I kno, it’s just …he was my best friend, you kno? Now that he’s in Soveit league it feels like I’m never gonna see him again

Full_STEEN_Ahead: Soviet league? Dude, he’s in Vancouver!

StajanNotCajun: like I said, he’s in russia or some shit

Full_STEEN_Ahead: Vancouver’s in British Columbia, you knob!

StajanNotCajun: BRITISH Columbia? Shit man, that’s even farther than Russia.

Full_STEEN_Ahead: We play Vancouver! Well, not all the time, but a few times a year!

StajanNotCajun: aren’t those just like, exhibition games or something? Do they even count?

Full_STEEN_Ahead: look, people get placed on waivers all the time. Kyle’ll be fine. Just look at Dominic Moore.

StajanNotCajun: to be honest, that guy gives me the creeps

Full_STEEN_Ahead: yea he kinda does—what about Raycroft? He’s in Colorado now…somehow

StajanNotCajun: but the thought of Welley sucking that many dicks gives me nightmares

Full_STEEN_Ahead: right. Ewww

StajanNotCajun: what I need is a new best friend

Full_STEEN_Ahead: really? Um, ok. …..

StajanNotCajun: what?

Full_STEEN_Ahead: Thought it was me for a second, sorry

StajanNotCajun: I mean someone to go out with and stuff. Like don’t get me wrong, your awesome, but you’re married and you have offspring and such

Full_STEEN_Ahead: …is this conversastion going where I think it is?

StajanNotCajun: wait. WHAT???? no, leave the slash stuff for your live journal

StajanNotCajun: I mean like a wingman, you know? Someone who compared to me makes me look even prettier than I am

Full_STEEN_Ahead: uhhh…

StajanNotCajun: all the other guys on the squad are either not going out guys or they’re much much prettier than I am

Full_STEEN_Ahead: We have guys too pretty to be wingmen?

StajanNotCajun: tosk. Tlusty….actually that’s about it

Full_STEEN_Ahead: What about Ian?

StajanNotCajun: wel, compared to ian I’m both pretty AND smart. Only prob is I can’t think of any good times I could have riding the TTC with him

Full_STEEN_Ahead: you could always be the designated driver, you know

StajanNotCajun: FUCK THAT. Remember what he did to my car last time we tried that?

Full_STEEN_Ahead: yea. LOL

***Meanwhile in the Vancouver Canucks Chatroom***

Sherriff_of_Wellwood_Forest: *tortured sigh*

ThisLandIsOhlund: What now? are you thinking about that Stajun again?

Sherriff_of_Wellwood_Forest: He was my best friend, you know? Not to mention an excellent wingman

ThisLandIsOhlund: wait, what?

Sherriff_of_Wellwood_Forest: I mean, whenever I went out with him, I always looked like a billion times smarter just standing next to the guy. Even smarter than I already am lol

ThisLandIsOhlund: oh come on kyle, there’s lots of dumb ppl in vancouver

Sherriff_of_Wellwood_Forest: right, but will they want to hang out with me? Man, I’m so depressed .I'm gonna go listen to some Linkin Park and get myself a Dorotios and cookie dough ice cream sundae

ThisLandIsOhlund: that’s grosser than gross.

MLSE Asks Matt Stajan to Die a Tragic, Early Death

Representatives from Maple Leafs Sports and Entertainment announced earlier today that the organization has asked centre Matt Stajan to die a tragic and early death.

“It was a decision that I put forth to MLSE in order to make the team stronger” said coach Ron Wilson in a statement released this morning. “I suggested that perhaps the tragic and premature death of a young team mate might be enough to motivate the team to a better record.”

MLSE has suggested several ways for the 24-year old Ontario native to die so as to maximize the tragic aspect of his death, “including but not limited to: car or boating accident while sober, accidental drowning, skiing mishap, struck by lightning, severe but unforeseen allergic reaction, or a rare and degenerative disease that he had been battling for several years. While there are many other ways of death available to Mr. Stajan, MLSE must request that he not resort to suicide or any method that involves illicit drugs so as to not bring shame to the association"

Stajan, pictured here giving the camera his serious face, was less than enthusiastic about the plan. He told sources earlier today, “Sure, I, uhhhhhhhhh am, ummmmm flattered that, uhhhhh MLSE and the powers that be, uhhhhhh thought I was a promising enough of a player that ummmmm my death would mean something to the team. I don’t know why uhhhhh I have to die though. Couldn’t I just ummmmmmm, get, like, a bad injury or uhhhhhh a really bad haircut or something instead?”

Stajan’s team mate Alex Steen agrees with Wilson’s thinking. The forward told sources today, “You know, I think that if Matt were to die, I’d surely play better. It’s what he would have wanted. In fact, I bet the whole team would suck about 27% less.”

Not every player was as enthusiastic as Steen, however. Defenseman Ian White was quoted as saying, “Coach [Wilson] says that a terrible death will make us all, like, bind together, you know, like ‘win one for the Gipper” type style. But I can’t figure out how Matty [Stajan] dying is going to stop me from tripping over my own feet and getting stupid penalties.”

(Glove tap to Facebook for the amazing image)

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, September 26, 2008

Oh balls, another FYY I totally forgot about? For shame, LD, for shame. No real theme other than I'm damn lazy and I need to put up three clips.

Clip one: How to cook a turkey using a lightbulb and some DVDs. I just wish I had thought of this back when I was still living in the dorms so I could make everyone else jealous.



Clip two: One of the best questions ever asked: Bush or Batman:


Clip three:DO I even really need to explain a mash-up of Transformers and "Intergalactic" ?

Triumphant Return...of LOLEAFS, MOFO!

OK, fine, no actual Leafs pictures, but it's still good.

(Original photo credit: (AP Photo/Keith Srakocic))

(Original photo credit: (AP Photo/Luis M. Alvarez))
(Original photo Credit:(AP Photo/Luis M. Alvarez))

Friday Youtube Yoinkage, September 19, 2008

By now you've all probably read my season preview of the Maple Leafs on either MYFO or The Bleacher Report In order to write it I had one of the three following videos playing almost anytime I was at a computer for at least a week. I really recommend having the audio of some variant of Bohemian Rhapsody playing while reading what I wrote. It really adds to the experience.

Clip one: The real Bohemian Rhapsody. I'm pretty sure that grinding noise you hear is Freddie Mercury rolling over in his grave:


Clip Two: The very Excellent Brohemian Rahpsody:


Clip three: The Zero Wing Rhapsody . Sorry for the link but I took the actual home for it on Newgrounds (instead of the stolen YouTube Version.)

OH yeah, the lyrics:

Is this the season?

Is this it finally?

Who am I kidding, No escape from reality…

I cannot lie, Leafs fans will cry, you see

I’m just a Leafs fan, I need no sympathy

Because it’s “the Leafs suck!” “no, they blow!”

Cutting grass and golfing jokes

Any way the ref goes doesn’t really matter to me, to me

Sundin won’t wear the C

But just might if we find he finally makes up his mind

Stocked up on mid grade D-men

Will they self assemble just like Voltron?

Prob’leeee nooo-ooo-oot

Barring strange new miracles

The Leafs D-squad is mostly made of cardboard

Tape him up, trainer guy

Job security for the win

PK for shutting down

Keeps us asking all the time

“What the hell is with these lines?”

Lacking such a presence of big bodies

A boarding call is not a pillow fight

Maplllllle Lee-ee-eeafs,(any way the ref goes) driving me to drink

I won’t have a liver by the time you win the Cup!

(Awesome guitar solo. Go ahead and rock out, I’ll wait.) [RD Note: Thanks--air guitar time!]

I see a team of basement cleaners for the year

That’s OK! I don’t care! It gets better soon right?

Lose to Kings and Lightning, Stajan’s really fighting WHAA??

What the Hell? (What the Hell?)What the Hell? (What the Hell?) What the Hell is going on?

Is that CuJo? AT least he’s not Raycroft, and he was pretty cheap

At least it’s not Raycroft wearing the Maple Leaf, he’ll get another chance if he comes back for cheap

The Leafs suck, no they blow, your mom’s still a ho

Un’ca Cliff making such great trades (He did not!)

Un’ca Cliff making such great trades (He did not!)

Un’ca Cliff making such great trades (He did not!)

making such great trades (He did not!)

making such great trades (He did not!) ah,

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh not again, not again! (not another easy goal)

The Maple Leafs just got shutout by Florida, Flor’da FLORIDA!!

(Commence head banging!)

Who’s the real owner here? Is there some evil plot?

“why should we have a good team when we can just suck?”

Bullllllshiiiit. Who would ever believe that?

Just gotta get a flask, some reasons I drink booze right here

(more awesome solo skills)

Ooooooooooh oooooh Go Leafs, go Leafs

Nothing really matters, anyone can see

We’re tumbling for Tavares

Nothing really matters, go Leafs

Any way the ref goes…

Loser League

OK, so I just switched the draft staus to "ready". I'm not sure what that means exactly, but the final count for people is the following:

*Myself
*jaredoflondon
*Wrap Around Curl
*Chris W (of the NHL Arena)
*Lori (of Hockey, Football and Stiletto shoes)
*Zack (newish recent commenter)
*Leaf Fan in Van (PPP goon)
*Scotty Hockey
*Sherry (Scarlett Ice)
*Sean L(eahy?)
*Reasonable Doubt

Good luck you guys, and no go out and suck hard!

UPDATE: so last night they did the autodraft. Here's my team:
Joel Lundqvist
Mikhail Grabovski
Derek Boogaard
Michael Cammalleri
Matt D'Agostini
Mathieu Dandenault
Mathieu Roy
Mark Streit
Mathieu Schneider
Kimmo Timonen
Kevyn Adams
Patrick Thoresen
Adam Hall
Antero Niittymaki
Tobias Stephan
Curtis Sanford

There were two players who are now "NA", but I'll deal with that later. To the Sucking!