Blue and White Christmas: part one

(SCENE: Inside of what looks like a cabin that’s out in snow covered woods. ELISHA CUTHBERT and DION PHANEUF are inside of what looks like a festively decorated living room, complete with comfy couch, large decorated Christmas tree, and “fire” place)


ELISHA CUTHBERT: Hey everyone! Welcome to the Toronto Maple Leafs Annual Christmas Special!
DION PHANEUF: Elisha…who are you talking to?
CUTHBERT: I’m talking to the audience.
PHANEUF: But there’s no audience. It’s all black and dark out there.
CUTHBERT:  Well, Dion, it’s the audience at home.
PHANEUF: This isn’t even a real cabin. That fire’s fake—it’s just this video screen thing.
 CUTHBERT: Stop negating the premise!
PHANEUF: But what the hell are we doing here?
CUTHBERT: Don’t you remember that we agreed to do this Christmas special? We’d have skits and music and stuff like that?
PHANEUF:  Babe, you know I agree to all sorts of shit when I’m on a lot of painkillers. I don’t remember jack from the past two months.
CUTHBERT: Well, here we are filming…
PHANEUF: OK, fine. I just got one question.
CUTHBERT: Yeah?
PHANEUF: Is there eggnog?
CUTHBERT: Yeah. There’s, like, a shitload of it out back.
PHANEUF: AWESOME. Maybe this won’t suck so much after all.
CUTHBERT: Well folks, we hope you like our holiday special!
PHANEUF: We have booze and cookies! And it'll be , like all swanky and stuff.