Sunday, March 21, 2010

Maple Leafs Chat: Betcha Can't Eat Just One

***Welcome to the official chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs!***

KesselRun81Parsecs: Hey guys! I just found out they got Cadbury crème eggs out again!
MaiHartWillDion: Dude, crème eggs have been out for like, at least a month.
MonstersBall:  Cream and eggs?
KesselRun81Parsecs: Yeah! I got a box of a hundred of them. Have some, Jonas!
MonstersBall:  I don’t know if I should…
MaiHartWillDion: Come on, Jonas. They’re like awesome wrapped in chocolate.
KesselRun81Parsecs: Doncha have these in Sweden?
MonstersBall:  We do, it’s just that my mother would never let me have any. She said they had far too much sugar in them.
BallinToTheWallin: He’s just worried about what his mommy might say.
MonstersBall:  …
MonstersBall:  My mom’s dead, you asshole.
BallinToTheWallin:  Oopsie doodles.
MaiHartWillDion: Seriously, dick move, man….
BallinToTheWallin: Well, my mom said the same thing. She said something so messy couldn’t be good for you.
KesselRun81Parsecs: Ah, come on guys. Sweden’s all the way in Russia or something.
MaiHartWillDion: And Rickard, you’re almost 30, for God’s sake. You have to cut the cord sometime.
MonstersBall:  This is good point.
BallinToTheWallin: Oh well…bottoms up, I guess
***Several hours later, at Hooker Harvey’s…***
Jonas? Wallin? Are you guys OK? Wake up, guys!
MonstersBall:  AHHHHHH! WHO ARE YOU?
BallinToTheWallin: COBRAS!
KomiKazi: It’s me, Mike Komisarek. What are you guys doing in this burger joint full of hookers?
MonstersBall:  What are YOU doing here?
KomiKazi: I , er, uh….shoulder rehab always gives me the munchies for something greasy and delicious.
BallinToTheWallin:  The stuff here isn’t good for your body at all.
KomiKazi: It’s good for the soul, Wallin. And you still didn’t answer my question.
BallinToTheWallin:  I…I don’t know. Last night, Phil Kessel gave us a bunch of cream eggs—
MonstersBall:   Like a hundred cream eggs in a box.
BallinToTheWallin:  And then I ate one, and another, and some more, and then…
MonstersBall:  …then there were little foil wrappers all over the place and then it was light out and  we ended up here.
KomiKazi: Bullshit. Cream eggs don’t do that to anyone. Cocaine, absinthe or tequila might, but if that were the case you would be missing pants.
BallinToTheWallin:  I HAVE PANTS?
KomiKazi: Yes, you do.
MonstersBall:  I am aware of my pants.
KomiKazi: So wait, is sugar and chocolate like cocaine for you guys?
MonstersBall:  Maaaaaybe.
KomiKazi: Man, Swedes are weird. Wait a second. If you guys split a hundred eggs, how are you not puking or in a diabetic coma right now?
MonstersBall:  I don’t know. I just ate one and then some more and I just kept going.
BallinToTheWallin: DEAR GOD, WHAT’S THAT?!
KomiKazi: That’s a ketchup stand.
MonstersBall:  AHHH! NO!
KomiKazi: I know some people don’t like ketchup, but that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?
BallinToTheWallin: It’s a dwarf hobo! I think he’s opening a portal to Hell!
MonstersBall:  AND EATING A BABY!
BallinToTheWallin: /attacks ketchup stand with vicious slapfight maneuvers
Harveys_Manager: /throws BallinToTheWallin, MonstersBall:, and KomiKazi out of the Harvey’s
KomiKazi: Nice going, guys. Now I’m probably banned for life from Harvey’s. I didn’t even get to finish my burger.
BallinToTheWallin: WHAT IS ON MY HANDS?
MonstersBall:  Did he kill a hobo?
KomiKazi: /Rolls eyes
KomiKazi: Yes, Rickard. You killed a hobo. Just stright up, stone cold murdered a dude.
BallinToTheWallin: AHHHHH!
MonstersBall:  I don’t know you!
BallinToTheWallin: /wipes hands on every available surface
KomiKazi: Nah, I was just messing with you—
BallinToTheWallin: what will these hands never be clean?


Aubrey said...

Holy. Cow. This is my new favorite WWLD post! I can decide which part is best, the 'dwarf hobo Hell portal' or the phrase "I am aware of my pants."

stucky said...

Who knew creme eggs could be so dangerous?

I also LOL'd at "I am aware of my pants".

CGLN said...

Pants awareness will be my charity from now on. You deliver once again, LD.

Loser Domi said...

It's nice to see so many people liked Pants Awareness.


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