Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Tomas and Jiri's Night of Prague Glamour

(SCENE: TOMAS KABERLE and JIRI TLUSTY have been invited to the Consulate General of the Czech Republic in Toronto. Inspiored by photos here and here)

KABERLE: now, have you ever been to something like this

TLUSTY: Why isn’t Kubina here? Isn’t he more of a higher up player than I am?

KABERLE: I asked him if he was going to come and he said he was washing his hair tonight. I told him, “You have it shorter now, it should not take that long, and he said “no, I have a process.” So, have you ever done anything like this before?

TLUSTY: I dunno. Maybe. I am a wild and crazy guy after all.

KABERLE: Whatever, just don’t screw this up, ok? (jiri kabs table)

TLUSTY: Just don’t screw up writing your name man

KABERLE:I can’t possibly spell my name wrong—

TLUSTY: Just don’t screw it up--

KABERLE: K-A-B-U-R-R-L-E—well, crap! At least I’m an athlete, so if I just scribble that’s ok

TLUSTY: Ha ha! I got you to spell your name wrong OK, I’ll be in the bathroom, I’ll be back. (leaves)

KABERLE: oh well

GLOVES LADY: Oh hello, you’re Tomas Kaberle, aren’t you?

KABERLE: Why yes, yes I am.

GLOVES LADY: Oh you’re even more handsome in person than when I see you playing hockey on television.

KABERLE: uhhhh….thanks?

GLOVES LADY: Did you know I had a cat that I named after you?

KABERLE: Really? Um, thanks—

GLOVES LADY: Poor thing died, tough—ran out right into oncoming traffic

KABERLE: Oh, that’s too bad…

GLOVES LADY: Then I had Tomas Kaberle II, but he died terribly as well—he jumped into a ceiling fan and died.

KABERLE: (mumbled) maybe it was suicide…

GLOVES LADY: I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.

KABERLE: That’s too bad. I’m sorry to hear about your cat.

GLOVES LADY: Oh I simply must have a picture with you and my friends. Is that ok?


GLOVES LADY Why, thank you! Everyone get in here! (group photo)

KABERLE: Oh, if you;’ll excuse me I think I see some old friends of mine, George and Yortuk . I have to go over and say hi…

(everyone leaves, KABERLE sits with CREE ELDER) Oh good, she’s gone. Thank you for coming and giving such a good speech

CREE ELDER: Thank you, Mr. Kaberle, and might I add that there is an old saying in Cree. Roughly translated, it means that “he who succeed at the cross-ice pass can lead his squad to victory, but only if he is skilled at other events as well.”

KABERLE:uhhh…o…k. Thank you for the advice.

CREE ELDER: And remember to play well in the corners, don’t be afraid to act mean and…I had a third thing I was going to say but I forgot it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I should go home. I don’t want to miss “CSI: Miami”

KABERLE:Yeah, you don’t want to miss David Caruso. (CREE ELDER leaves, TLUSTY returns)

TLUSTY:Tomas, this night is not going so well…

KABERLE:What do you mean?

TLUSTY: People either think I’m Pavel Kubina and tell me what I’m doing wrong or say stuff like, “it was nice of you to put pants on.”

KABERLE:This night just keeps getting weirder and wose the longer it goes on. I saw this Cree guy, had on like 12 rings. He must have won the Stanely Cup of Cree like 12 times.

TLUSTY:Oh well, at least there are pretty girls we can look at. Yeeah!

TLUSTY: (whispered to KABERLE) Tomas, I jus forgot, I don’t know how to talk to girls.

KABERLE: uhhh…just act like you would act on your Stalker book (TLUSTY pokes the model standing next to him)

MODEL: Did you just poke me?

TLUSTY:Me? Of course not? Why would I do something so silly? Heh, heh…(whispered to KABERLE) Tomas, it’s not working. Besides this mega raging boner is killing me.

KABERLE: Uhhh…think about having brain cancer! That should kill any boner you have

TLUSTY:Hey! It worked! Thanks man!

GLOVES LADY (from afar) Yoo-hoo! Tomas!

KABERLE:OH shit, she found me again! Hide me! She’ll start in about her cats that kill themselves

TLUSTY:What, huh?

KABERLE:Just hide—(to GLOVES LADY) oh, Hi, so good to see you again…

GLOVES LADY: DO you mind if I squeeze in here?

TLUSTY:Hey Tomas, your wife’s gonna be so jealous of your new girlfriend…

KABERLE: (through clenched teeth) Shut up, Jiri (announcement for winners of a silent auction thingy that took place earlier)

TLUSTY:Hey Tomas, check out my big stick, haha!

KABERLE: Shut it Jiri. Besides those are MY sticks with my signature on them

TLUSTY:But it’s coming from my crotch. Hehehehe

KABERLE: (to self) Dear God, kill me, kill me no


Jennifer Hammer said...

OMG, I love those Kabs and Jiri. It really was nice of him to wear pants.

Loser Domi said...

Actually, by the way, this was all in Toronto, but the name of the event was "Prague night of glamour", just FYI for everyone

blurr1974 said...

it's fun to read eveerythin in a Czech accent...especially the "sorry about your cat" and "check out my big stick"

Anonymous said...

I try to always catch CSI:Miami because then it means I can play the CSI:Miami drinking game. Note: Do not play this game during a marathon, or else you will succumb to alchol poisoning by the middle of the second ep. I'm just sayin'...


Loser Domi said...

Mabel! welcome do you have a link for the CSI Miami drinking game please?

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

It is our moral obligation to find out what the fuck Pavel Kubina was doing that caused him to miss the Prague Night of Glamour. He better well have a damn good explanation.

Loser Domi said...

eyebleaf, I think Kubina was washing his hair--that mop look doesn't just happen, you know? then he realized CSI miami was on so...

Anonymous said...

Forgive me but aren't all the CSI's the same? Just with more Hispanics in Miami, more gambling and shiny lights in Las Vegas, and more of both those things and everything else in New York? What they should really do is combine all the shows along with Law & Order and test their skills by seeing if they can find out that Dexter is a serial killer. Hmm all that thinking might make Kubina's brain hemorrhage. Speaking of, bleeding on the brain might explain his haircut.

Loser Domi said...

RJ--but CSI miami has the guy with witty one liners and sunglasses( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948)

And I don't mind Kubina's haircut. It' makes him look less likely to be outside of a liquor store begging for change

Anonymous said...

LD, I have no link, but I will get my peeps on sending me the rules. I can tell you that all the rules involve Caruso, and pretty much only Caruso, and even though he is only on screen for short periods of time, in almost every appearance, he does everything on the list.

Last time we played, it got to the point that we weren't counting half the stuff he did b/c we needed to breathe in between drinks. Plus, we were drunk and were missing lots of stuff.

Anonymous said...

FAIL - That last anon comment was me, Mabel. I blame the sexytime dolls and man on manlove for my inability to comment properly.

- Mabel


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