Monday, November 3, 2008

Halloween at Carlo's

(NOTE: due to highly secretive and probably illegal methods, I bring to you the Maple Leafs' Halloween Shindig, 2008!--LD)

(SCENE: CARLO COLAIACOVO’S apartment. COLAIACOVO is dressed as Mario. IAN WHITE enters, also dressed as Mario)

COLAIACOVO: Why the Hell are you dressed as Mario? We agreed, I was gonna be Mario, and you were gonna be Luigi

WHITE: Fuck Luigi. Luigi sucks!

COLAIACOVO: That’s why I wanted to be Mario and not Luigi.

WHITE: Screw you then! Maybe I’ll be Wario so’s I can atomic fart on your face! Filthy fuckin’ Eye-talians, anyway! (leaves)

(Knock at the door. COLAIACOVO answers it and MATT STAJAN, dressed as Sailor Moon and ALEX STEEN, dressed as generic emo kid, enter)

COLAIACOVO: Hey guys. Nice legs, Matt—no homo

STAJAN: Well, Alex and I had a bet and the loser had to go out in drag, soo…

STEEN: I still can’t believe you thought that you could get pregnant from drinking Dr. Pepper

STAJAN: Shut it, emo boy!

STEEN: But I’m so full of angst!

STAJAN: So why did Ian White looked so pissed off when he left?

COLAIACOVO: Oh, he’s just mad he wasn’t gonna be Mario. Don’t worry about it (Knock at the door, COLAIACOVO answers and PAVEL KUBINA, totally naked, enters)

KUBINA: ‘sup?

COLAIACOVO: Kubie…why are you naked?

KUBINA: It’s my custume. I’s a nudist

COLAIACOVO: Dude, being naked does not count as a costume. Come back when you have an accrual costume (closes door. Knock at the door, COLAIACOVO answers and sees KUBINA, naked and holding a cell phone)

KUBINA: Jiri Tlusty?

COLAIACOVO: Doesn’t count—get a real costume. (shuts door. Knock and DOMINIC MOORE enters, dressed in a dark long sleeved thermal shirt totally wrapped in plastic wrap and leather gloves)

MOORE: Hey Carlo. Why isn’t Kubie in here? Nice legs, Matty

COLAIACOVO: Kubie didn’t have a costume. He just showed up naked.

STAJAN: Why do people have to keep mentioning my legs?

STEEN: Because you’re wearing such a short skirt. God, you’re such an attention whore.

STAJAN: Dom, I don’t really get your costume

MOORE: Well, I’m Dexter

STAJANY: you mean, like, in Dexter’s Laboratory?

MOORE: No, no, nothing like Dexter’s Laboratory

STEEN: If I really were emo, I’d write a poem about it called “Stabby Stab Stabpants”. (knock at the door, COLAIACOVO answers and sees WHITE in a Colaiacovo jersey with bandage around his head, fake blood coming out his ears, one arm in a sling and on crutches )

COLAIACOVO: Ian, you’re a douche. Seriously.

WHITE: How do you like it when White lightning strikes, bitch?

MOORE: That’s actually mildly funny.

STAJAN: nicely played, dude.

STEEN: What the…is Pavel Kubina back…and still naked? (KUBINA enters naked but with “LIFEGARRD” and a cross painted in his chest, wearing sunglasss and a hat)

KUBINA: I’s a lifeguard at nude beach. Is a costume, I phoned Kabby and he says yes.

STEEN: Where the hell is Kabby anyway? I haven’t seen him anywhere lately

STAJAN: You know, I haven’t seen him anywhere either.

WHITE: Where is ANYONE? We can’t seriously be the only ones here.

STEEN: talk about being full of fail. We’re failtacular, guys!

STAJAN: Wait a second….it’s a bunch of guys and I’m the closest one to a girl…this isn’t a gay orgy is it? I won’t take part in a gay orgy!

MOORE: Well, to be honest, you do have pretty eyes

STAJAN: Dammit, not again.

STEEN: tortured sigh…


Jennifer Hammer said...

more than mildly funny, totally hilarious LD!! amazing.

general borschevsky said...

Nice job. Really funny, especially the Kubina bit. I thought of another: he could just wear a sock and be a red-hot-chilli-pepper.

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

This is some of your best work yet. Loved the Kubina/Tlusty bit.

And White lightning. Gotta love White lightning

Anonymous said...

I wonder, what would a Leaf do?? Think Stajan would read all this and laugh. Or slightly cry about being Steen's butt buddy? I have to admit its quite out there but as a Ranger fan I wish I had something fun to read about my team. And this all is helping the Leafs grow on me. Good on you LD keep it up.

Loser Domi said...

thanks, everyone for the kind words,

rj, thanks for coming in, You're welcome anytime. I know I do odd things but it's fun for me and the fact that there are other people who think it's fun (even when they are non-Leafs fans like you)makes it even better. Thanks for enjoying it and feel free to come in again anytime


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