Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Leafer Madness, FINAL CHAPTER

(KABERLE is near the edge of a breakdown)

KABERLE: (To self) but I can't hurt my teammates for my own advancement! Such is not my way—it is so cruel and barbaric not to mention messy...

TUCKER:(to self, hiding behind a bush) heh, heh, heh, “only the good die young”, I said. HA! I can't believe how easy it was to get Death. It was like beating twelve Sean Averys at once! Wait a second—is that...Kabs? How is Mr. Ferdinand the Bull still alive? He couldn't—

KABERLE: --hurt a fly. But I suppose I must do what I...must. And I must expand my vocabulary. Hold on...did I hear something behind this bush (sees TUCKER moving)

TUCKER:, just your imagination.

KABERLE: I didn't want to hurt you, Darcy, but I have to do something (TUCKER attempts to fight KABERLE, but he finds that he is already a ghost and therefore cannot grasp anything)

TUCKER:KABS! Wait! I'm already dead!

(cut to DR. SHRINKSKY'S office)

BETTMAN:...and that's when I wake up.

DR. SHRINKSKY:Now, how does that make you feel, Gary? (a Rambo-ized KABERLE bursts in through the door brandishing an Uzi)

KABERLE: I. Don't. CARE. about his feelings.

BETTMAN:Kaberle? I—but, where did you come from?

KABERLE:I snuck in through a plot hole. How else would I get in here? And how DARE you put me and my team throught that terrible island and write it all off as “just a dream!” How DARE you use such a trite cliche!But now, it'll be ok. I can avenge the deaths of my comradesand it will all be al right, somehow.

BETTMAN:Tomas, there's about five people reading this blog, I don't think using a cop-out ending is such a huge deal--

DR. SHRINKSKY:Mr., Kaberle, could you put down the gun, please

KABERLE: Oh, I'll put the gun down...later (bloodbath ensues)

Tomas Kaberle survived the island a changed and shaken man. His darker side emerged and he re-entered the world a wanted man. He decided to seek out those who had done him wrong. More importantly, he learned to run. And so he ran...and our story is finished


LeoSC said...

It would be great if Kabs would really take Bettman's head off, and then come back and shot every time he gets a chance.
Thanks, loser domi, your story was a lot of fun.

Baroque said...

You are a very funny person - with too much time on your hands. :)

Loser Domi said...

@leoSC: that would be awesome, but then there's all that blood to clean up--Kabs strikes me as a really clean neat guy for some reason

@baroque: I don't think you've been here before, so thanks for coming in! I started and wrote most of it over the past winter break, so I did have lots of time on my hands. Did you read the other parts? I HIGHLY recommend doing that:

Greener said...

Good work, D.

Jaredoflondon said...

if I were dealing with Betman, there would be hedge clippers involved, and at least one variety of poisonous snake.

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

i'm glad kaberle made it out alive...i love him...

great story!

Loser Domi said...

@everybody: thank you guys for coming in, reading and commenting. I'm glad that there are at least several people who liked this, thank all again! High fives all around

Senators Lost Cojones said...

Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me that Kaberle IS Kaiser Solze??

Dayna said...

I seriously love plot holes. I may now actually watch a leafs game and not swear when they touch the puck. You made me laugh, and it softened my leaf hating heart... I don't know if I like that.

@jared - This sounds like a good plan to me.


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