Friday Youtube Yoinkage, February 1, 2008

You ever have one of those days you say to yourself, "Aw fuckitall"? Well, I've been having one of those weeks. More like fortnight. So this week's FYY is just a bunch of random crap I threw on here. No theme.

This first clip is actually a song. A mashup of "Ghostbusters" and "The Hand that Feeds" from Nine Inch Nails. Two things you wouldn't expect to go together that do.


Sex and hockey:


"Army Careers" by The Frantics. I love this clip.

Aw, fuck it. Here's another LolLeaf:

Leafer Madness Part 5

Disclaimers

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

(ALEXEI PONIKAROVSKY and NIK ANTROPOV are together in a shed of some sort. )

PONIKAROVSKY: Nik, I am unbelieving that we are must be killing the others.

ANTROPOV: Misfortunately, this is not for great justice, Alexei. As far as I can view, it is like pair of docks—we either kill other people and be monsters or we kill selfs and we run away from problems.

PONIKAROVSKY: You speak of paradox. Not pair of docks. It is only one word.

ANTROPOV: Oh, okay. I always wonder why other peoples talk of pair of docks. I was always like, “why pair of docks? You not talking of seas and oceans.”

PONIKAROVSKY: I am thinking that we should kill selfs and fly to place with nobody else so we can be free.

ANTROPOV: nobody else so we can be free…

PONIKAROVSKY: I see there is rope here. And there are many trees outside.

ANTROPOV: But this. Is. Not. Enooo-uuugh!

PONIKAROVSKY: What you say?

ANTROPOV: It isn’t enough rope for both of us to hang selfs by.

PONIKAROVSKY: oh. Umm…what weapons did you have?

ANTROPOV: I have (checks sack) a whip? Like I’m some Indiana Jones or something. I suppose I could tie it like a rope. What weapon do you have?

PONIKAROVSKY: (checks sack) What’s this? Fight with binoculars?

ANTROPOV: It really is better to kill selfs now.

(they go through the adequate preparations for hanging themselves in the trees, except ANTROPOV is using his whip whereas PONIKAROVSKY is using rope that he found.) PONIKAROVSKY: For make benefit great team of maple leaf! (hangs self)

ANTROPOV: For…Pony! (hangs self) {I got a bright shiny +15 for anyone who knows where this line comes from originally}

(in the forest of the island, WOZNIEWSKI, armed with a hatchet, is wandering alone)

WOZNIEWSKI: Helloooo? Helllooo! (he steps and lands his left foot in a bear trap

WOZNIEWSKI lets out blood-curdling screams. He steps again, dragging his foot still in the bear trap. He manages a few steps and lands his right foot in another bear trap.)

WOZNIEWSKI lets out even more blood curdling screams. He continues crawling, dragging himself on his hands. Somehow, he finds a third bear trap with his right hand)

WOZNIEWSKI: CHIRSTONAPOGO-STICK THIS HURTS! *lets out screams of terrible pain* (at this point he continues moving, dragging himself by his left hand. He continues like this for a short while, until his right hand falls on a land mine, which promptly goes off and finally kills him.) (if you need a visual: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVRl8rHDahY)

(TUCKER enters a greenhouse in search of another player to eliminate. McCABE, armed with his pistol that he found by BELAK’s body, is also there and hiding behind some boxes as TUCKER enters. )

McCABE: (jumping out into the open) Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! ‘Morning, Darcy. (He grabs the sickle out of TUCKER’s hand.)

TUCKER : What did you do that for?

McCABE: I don’t trust you, Then again, I don’t trust anybody here. Did you see Poni and Nik?

TUCKER: Yeah—strung up together all like, From Russia with love or something.

McCABE: You know something? I saw Kilger, too. His throat was slit, like with a sickle or something. You would know about that, wouldn’t you?

TUCKER: …Maybe?

McCABE: You son of a bitch—(kicks TUCKER down to the ground)

TUCKER: What am I supposed to do in this game, Bryan? Invite everyone over for tea? (Secretly grabs taser) I wouldn’t last a minute!

McCABE: That would be a risk I’d be willing to take.

TUCKER: This game is nothing like anything you or I have ever done.

McCABE: How so?

TUCKER: …I want to bathe in a geyser of enemy blood!

McCABE: That hardly sounds sanitary—

TUCKER: Screw sanitary! (attacks McCABE with the taser, and knocks the gun out of his hands)

McCABE: You didn’t have to do that--

TUCKER : Why? You were about to do the same to me. You know Bryan, you should always look on the bright side of life (Fires several shots in to McCABE’s torso, killing him) I used to love you, but I had to kill you. (Leaves the greenhouse.)

Eliminated so far: POHL, KRONWALL, COLAIACOVO, BATTAGLIA, DEVEREAUX,KILGER, BELAK, GILL, TLUSTY, WHITE, WELLWOOD, COLAIACOVO,STEEN, STAJAN, BLAKE, SUNDIN, RAYCROFT, TOSKALA, PONIKAROVSKY, ANTROPOV, WOZNIEWSKI, McCABE

LoLeafs ! (Thanks Jaredoflondon!)

I feel the need to throw something up,but I don't have the energy to do another suicide watch. With regards to Jared over at Die Hard Blue and White,I present my version of LolLeafs!
(all pictures are yoinked from Yahoo! sports and totally don't belong to me.)

Leafer Madness, part 4

Disclaimers
Part one
Part two
Part three

(Late at night on the island, JASON BLAKE and MATS SUNDIN are walking along the edge of the island where there is a sharp drop-off towards the sea. They have their bags, but they do not have their weapons out.)

BLAKE: Mats, I just…don’t know what to do here. I mean, I don’t think that I could kill anybody ever. Then again, I can’t really trust anyone here.

SUNDIN: I know what you mean. I’ve known most of these guys for years and the idea of them with weapons scares the hell out of me. Tucker…(shudders)

BLAKE: There’s one thing that I know for sure: I’m never going to play this game. (Throws bag containing weapon and supplies over the edge of the cliff)

SUNDIN: I won’t play, either. (He goes close to the edge of the cliff to throw off his bag, but he steps on a loose rock and falls. BLAKE attempts to grab his hand, but in doing so, he falls as well.)

(ANDREW RAYCROFT, armed with hand grenades, is half-hidden an alone at the edge of a field. In the distance, he sees VESA TOSKALA who is armed with a crossbow. TOSKALA becomes aware that someone is watching him and he raises his crossbow in self-defense. )

TOSKALA: I know that someone is out here. You should show yourself now.

RAYCROFT: Nobody’s watching you, Tosk

TOSKALA: I should have known it was you, Raycroft. Hiding in the dark like the cowardly King of Suckitude you are.

RAYCROFT: I won’t hurt you, Tosk. I mean, we’re fellow goalies, we can be friends—

TOSKALA: Liar! I wouldn’t trust you with anything, least of all my life, Raycroft. Or should I say GAYcroft?(fires an arrow and misses)

RAYCROFT: Did you think of that all by yourself or did your mommy have to help you? (Throws grenade, which TOSKALA kicks far enough away that its explosion doesn’t harm him.)

TOSKALA: Watch this: (as loud as he can) HEY EVERYBODY: GOALIE FIGHT! (The island falls silent)

RAYCROFT: Your shooting sucks more than your glove save you strained nutsack! (throws grenade, which lands near TOSKALA, but the explosion only harms him slightly)

TOSKALA: You can kiss my strained nutsack! I bet that you would like it too, GAYzor. (fires another arrow, which pierces RAYCROFT at the base of the throat. RAYCROFT weakly throws another grenade, which lands and explodes nowhere near its target. He then gurgles more blood and dies slowly. A self-satisfied TOSKALA continues on his way, but MARK BELL appears from the woods behind TOSKALA.)

BELL: You’re a pretty good shot, Tosk. (holds up assault rifle.) But…I think I’m a better shooter. (He shoots TOSKALA dead, steals TOSKALA’s crossbow and arrows, goes to RAYCROFT’s corpse and steals his remaining grenades. He disappears into the woods on the opposite edge of the field.)

Eliminated so far: POHL, KRONWALL, COLAIACOVO, BATTAGLIA, DEVEREAUX,KILGER, BELAK, GILL, TLUSTY, WHITE, WELLWOOD, COLAIACOVO,STEEN, STAJAN, BLAKE, SUNDIN, RAYCROFT, TOSKALA

8 to go

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, January 25, 2008

This week's theme is "Fun off the ice!"

Even after last week, more fun with the Caps in Segways!
*cue “White and Nerdy”*


For fun off the ice, I have to throw in the NHL roadtrip commercial. Simply. Epic:


Apparently someone somewhere challenged members of the Leafs to a trivia contest. In this episode, it’s Eric “The Big E” Lindros versus Matt “STAAAJAAAAN” (or “Matthew”) Stajan.

just a note...

So, the other I was over at Scarlett Ice whoring out my JFJ suicide series. I just want to thank Sherry for giving us this great thing. Thanks Sherry, there weren't enough people giving me odd looks in the computer lab while I was wearing headphones. I'm sure my giggling attracted many a glance. Thank you again.

JFJ Post-firing suicide watch, day 3

(SCENE: JFJ is once again in his office.)

JFJ: Aw, screw it all. I'm through. Finished, I tells ya! FINISHED! What I need is pills and booze, yeah, pills and booze!
(Takes out what appears to be a bottle of Jack Daniels and a baggie of small pill-like, um, things. He swallows most of the contents of the baggie and starts chugging the contents of the bottle. AIDE enters.)

AIDE:Sir, what are you doing?
JFJ:I'm ending it, Skipper, or whatever your name is. This time, it's pills and booze--nice and painless way to go.
AIDE:But sir...this bag is full of Tic-Tacs. And your bottle of Jack (sniffs bottle) seems to be filled with iced tea.
JFJ:You mean I'm not over dosing on pills and booze?
AIDE: No, sir
JFJ:And you can't commit suicide with Tic-Tacs and iced tea?
AIDE:I'm afraid not, sir
JFJ:Really? Shit!

Leafer Madness, Part 3

READ THESE BEFORE YOU READ THIS POST:

disclaimers
Part one
Part two

(SCENE: a lighthouse on the rocky cliffs of the island. COLAIACOVO, returned from the dead, is sleeping in a bed. He wakes up and KYLE WELLWOOD is standing next to the bed)

COLAIACOVO: Kyle?

WELLWOOD: What happened, Carlo? We all thought that the soldiers killed you.

COLAIACOVO: I sold my soul to Satan after they killed me. I’m not going to just get killed right off the bat like that. It’s not fair that they took me away just because of my weakness for Asian women in tiny miniskirts. I had to give up my left forearm too, so now I have this chainsaw.

WELLWOOD: Groovy.

COLAIACOVO: Who else is in this lighthouse with you?

WELLWOOD: There’s also Matt, Alex, Ian, and Jiri. Actually, there was Jiri. Alex said that he fell during the watch last night and died, but to be totally honest I don’t trust Alex when he says that Jiri just fell.

(Flashback to the previous night. ALEX STEEN and JIRI TLUSTY are on the balcony of the lighthouse. Alex appears to see something on the rocks.

STEEN: Jiri, look at that down there.

TLUSTY: It looks like a dead body.

STEEN: Go check it out, Jiri

TLUSTY: Why should I do it, Alex?

STEEN: That’s what rookies do, Jiri. They check out suspicious objects that look like bodies. You’ll understand when you’ve been playing pro for a few years. (After seeing that nobody seems to be watching, STEEN pushes TLUSTY over the edge to his death on the rocks.)

TLUSTY: *screams*

STEEN: (seeming concerned) Oh, shit, JIRI! (He then leaves the lighthouse to get the body, which turns out to be COLAIACOVO)

WELLWOOD: Let’s just say…that I think Jiri fell with a little help from Alex, if you know what I mean.

COLAIACOVO: No, I don’t know what you mean. I don’t think that I ever do. You read books and stuff.

WELLWOOD: I think it’s just about lunchtime. I’ll get something for you. I’d let you out, but Matt doesn’t entirely trust you since you did come back from the dead.

COLAIACOVO: That’s understandable, I guess. (WELLWOOD leaves the bedroom and enters a kitchen where STEEN is sitting at a table and MATT STAJAN is preparing Spaghetti-o’s. )

STEEN:..I mean, I tried to catch the guy but I just couldn’t get a grip. It was such a freak accident. Hey Kyle, how’s Coco doing?

WELLWOOD: Well, he’s up and talking. He’s still pretty tired, though. He seems okay for a guy who just sold his soul to Satan.

STAJAN: I don’t know, Kyle. Hey, I think we should feed Carlo first. I mean, the guy has literally been to Hell and back. He needs the extra strength.

WELLWOOD: Fine with me.

STEEN: I’ll go get Ian from watch and let him know the food’s ready. (STEEN leaves. As soon as he thinks that nobody is watching, STAJAN pours out a bowl of Spaghetti-o’s and empties into it a small vial labeled “poison”. )

STAJAN: I never understood why people always sold their souls to Satan. Why not sell it to Jesus or someone else? (IAN WHITE and STEEN enter.)

WHITE: Because Jesus doesn’t accept Mastercard. Thank you, Matt (Takes bowl of Spaghetti-o’s from STAJAN) Nice, Spaghetti-o’s! (WHITE sits down and starts eating the Spaghettios.)

COLAIACOVO: (Entering from bedroom) How are you guys? (Before anyone can answer, WHITE goes into convulsions and starts spitting blood)

WELLWOOD: Ian? IAN!

WHITE: *gurgles blood*

COLAIACOVO: OK guys, let’s not panic or do something stupid….

WELLWOOD: Yeah guys, let’s not start a huge gunfight over an accidental poisoning…

COLAIACOVO: You’ve seen the movie but you lied about it! You should be dead! (fires up chainsaw and tears into WELLWOOD.)

WELLWOOD: *screams of death and extreme pain* (STAJAN grabs rifle with a bayonet from an adjacent table and starts firing at COLAIACOVO. STAJAN is not a great shot and COLAIACOVO advances towards STEEN. STEEN grabs a semi-automatic next to him.)

COLAIACOVO: This is for pushing Jiri, you treacherous SONOVABITCH! (COLAIACOVO and STEEN fight. Eventually, STAJAN shoots COLAIACOVO dead and wounds STEEN, who by this point has also turned a table over as protection)

STAJAN : You pushed Jiri? You ARE a son of a whore! (fires)

STEEN: At least I actually killed someone without screwing it up (fires and severely wounds STAJAN. They continue exchanging rounds until there is lots of blood on the ground and they run out of ammo. STAJAN attaches the bayonet and throws his gun like a spear at STEEN and it connects in his chest, killing STEEN)

STAJAN : (weary from multiple gunshot wounds) How stupid, we might have survived. (STAJAN slowly dies of his wounds.)

JFJ Post-Firing Suicide Watch: Day 1

Dammit, I should have been doing this sooner...

SCENE: JFJ's office. An AIDE enters to find JFJ dangling from the ceiling with a rope tied like a noose around his feet.)

AIDE:Mr. Ferguson, what are you doing?
JFJ: I'm trying to hang myself. I've got nothing to live for.
AIDE:But sir...if you're hanging yourself, isn't the rope supposed to be tied around your neck?JFJ: I tried it that way, but I couldn't breathe, so I tied it around my ankles.

Thank you! I'll be here all week!

Leafer Madness, Part 2

I decided to do the Leafer Madness on Sundays as well as Wednesdays. I'm also really busy these next two weeks with a play I'm in, school work etc., so I thought I'd throw this up, just to show I'm still around.

Disclaimers here

Part one here

(WADE BELAK, armed with a GPS unit, is walking through the jungle)

BELAK: How am I supposed to fight back with a GPS? I can see people coming at me, but what good does that do me once they see me? (he sees the back of McCABE, who is armed with a pistol of some sort)

McCABE: (muttering to self): They’re going to get me…can’t trust anyone. (BELAK throws his GPS with great force at McCABE’s head. He [McCABE] falls down unconscious.)

BELAK: Cool. It does work. (Takes pistol and walks away. McCABE slowly wakes up.)

McCABE: What the hell was that?

(On another part of the island, CHAD KILGER is hiding in what appears to be some sort of old building. He hears someone outside and nervously grabs a taser. TUCKER enters )

KILGER: Who is it? Who’s there!

TUCKER: It’s just me, Chad. Can I come in?

KILGER: o…ok…sorry (still shaking, he puts down the taser. TUCKER enters)

TUCKER: Is that your weapon?

KILGER: Yeah, it’s—it’s what they gave me. I know, it kinda sucks, doesn’t it?

TUCKER: Whoa—Don’t tase me, bro! hehehheh. It’s not so bad (picks up the taser) I mean, you could really screw someone up with one of these, like if the guy has epilepsy or something like that.

KILGER: I don’t like that look in your eyes, Darcy…(KILGER attempts to escape into the building, but TUCKER manages to pin him down. TUCKER holds a sharp sickle at KILGER’s throat.)

TUCKER: You see, Chad, the sickle was the weapon that they gave me. I thought it kinda sucked, but the more I think about it, the more I think it’s pretty good. (He slits KILGER’S throat, takes the taser and walks off.)

(Inside an abandoned warehouse-type building on the island, TOMAS KABERLE is feverishly trying to plan some sort of attack on the “Battle Royale” headquarters. PAVEL KUBINA has appeared without explanation)

KABERLE: What the hell are you doing here? I don’t even like you.

KUBINA: I’m not sure how I got here. What did you get for a weapon? I got this little thingy that looks like an old calculator but with a crapload more buttons.

KABERLE: Keep it down a bit, will you? I think they’re listening to us with mikes in the collars. (KABERLE finds a pen and a piece of paper)

KUBINA: This is a bad time to be playing Pictionary, Kabs.

KABERLE: (written on paper) I am trying to figure out a way to attack or blow up the headquarters. I think that if I do that then they will have no way of controlling us and then we can get free.

KUBINA: (reading paper) You have terrible handwriting, Kabs.

KABERLE: (continues writing) Even though I don’t like you, you’re all the help I have. I need you to help me find the following items:

1: fertilizer (KUBINA stops reading)

KUBINA: Wait a minute—since when did I become your little minion carrying out orders? And why don’t we just speak Czech? They may not have a translator.

KABERLE: (out loud) That’s right, we can just speak Czech! I thought we just spoke English with funny accents. But…if I write it out then there won’t be the chance of a translator dropping in on us. (KUBINA pushes more buttons on his weapon. From seemingly thin air, three gorgeous female strippers enter, each carrying bottles of champagne and/or absinthe)

KUBINA: I don’t know what this machine is, but I like what it does.

KABERLE: Push some more buttons and see what else it does. (KUBINA does so and a tank materializes.)

KUBINA: This is the greatest thing ever invented.

KABERLE: I’m not sure, but I think that what you have is some sort of plot-hole generator. If you can get things and people in here, it must be able to get things out—specifically, us. We can get out of here unharmed!

KUBINA: To steal an expression, “who is we? You have a turd in your pocket?” These necklaces explode after three days, correct? I’m going to have some fun with this plot-hole machine before that. I now have strippers, booze and a tank at my fingertips and I plan on enjoying them. Come on, Kabs—this is the dream come true for like most of all men here. (to strippers) Do you ladies have anything to help my friend loosen up a bit?

KABERLE: But—you’re not caring about anyone but yourself!

KUBINA: And you have bushy eyebrows. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought we were having a “state the obvious contest.” I’m kind of competitive. (Grabs bottle of champagne from a stripper and climbs into the tank)

KABERLE: Do you know how to run a tank?

KUBINA: No, but there’s probably a manual here somewhere. Or, I’ll just do it the fun way—trial and error. I wonder what this button does—anyone want to see? (the strippers climb in with him. KUBINA pushes a button and the tank fires, blasting a hole in the wall and killing HAL GILL and WADE BELAK, who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. KUBINA drives the tank out of the hole that he has just made in the wall. KABELRE goes back to his plans.)

Eliminated: KILGER, BELAK, and GILL

17 more to go

FYY Bonus clip!

I found this link on Melt Your Face Off and it was far too awesome to let go. Apparently Ovie + Segway = comedy gold!

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, Jan. 18, 2007

This week’s theme is “Goalie love.” Goalies are people, too, ya know!
Old Timey Belfour


This one kind of creeps me out a bit, but as far as “goalie love” goes this one’s pretty, um, amorous. I think the “Trapper’s Delight” that the same person did is better, but today we’re all about the goalie love.


Knob hockey takes on playoffs with Ray Emery versus Ryan Miller. Apparently they were so busy that they had to substitute Chris Rock to play Emery and Coach Z to play Miller.

Motivating the Leafs against the Bruins, January 17, 2008

Morning, boyos. For the motivation this time, I got* you this very special clip from that great cinematic achievement "Happy Gilmore." Adam Sandler does kind of look like Zdeno Chara in the Bruins sweater, if Chara, you know, wasn't a circus freak:


*got = found on youtube and am probably somehow violating copyright or something

Leafer Madness Part one

Disclaimers here

(Opening: on the team bus. There is the normal goofing off, joking around, poker playing, etc. Sleeping gas is administered without any of the team knowing it. They fall asleep and there is a time lapse of an hour or so later. They awake strewn about in a sparsely furnished classroom-type room with mysterious metal necklaces around their necks. There are armed camouflaged-clad soldiers with gas masks around the perimeter of the room and a large TV screen takes up one wall. The team now gradually wakes up with odd metal collars around their necks.)

DARCY TUCKER: The fuck is….

UNSEEN PLAYER: I thought we were going to the Nassau Coliseum…

BRYAN McCABE: Trust me—this is way worse than the Nassau Coliseum.

JASON BLAKE: I second that.

(GARY BETTMAN appears in the TV screen)

PLAYERS: GAH! Kill it! Kill it!

BETTMAN: Good morning, my sunshines!

PLAYERS: Die, you bastard, die! (etc.)

BETTMAN: Hey there, it’s Gary Bettman here. And I have selected you, the Toronto Maple Leafs, to be the first team to use our new system for selecting participants for our All-Star game. The fan balloting worked nice for a little while, but they abused their privilege. The various campaigns getting people to “Vote 4 Rory” and Derek Boogaard taught me something—fans don’t know shit about marketing hockey. And I do.

PLAYERS: *cough* Bullshit! *cough* Bullshit! *cough*

BETTMAN: Before we begin, I’m going to need all of the players who have seen the film “Battle Royale” to step forward. (JOHNNY POHL, STAFFAN KRONWALL, CARLO COLAIACOVO, and BATES BATTAGLIA all step forward) Soldiers, dispose of them. They have an unfair advantage since they already know how this will work (SOLDIERS seize the named players and start dragging them away)

COLAIACOVO: But I was only lured in by Japanese schoolgirls and horrific violence! Let me go! It’s not fair!(SOLDIERS and named players exit)

BETTMAN: The truth is, I couldn’t let some…oaf like Rory Fitzpatrick or a brute like Boogaard into my All-Star game, heavens no. Therefore, I decided to enact a “Battle Royale” style system to select the participants. I’ve taken you to a secluded, abandoned island where for three days you will hunt and kill each other until there is only one of you left.

UNSEEN STAFFER: But what about after the game, Mr. Bettman? Isn’t killing off all but one player on each team going to severely hurt the league? With all due respect, I think it’s a bad idea, sir.

BETTMAN: Someone shoot him, right now! (gunshot off screen) Now, we will give you a sack with food, water, a map of the island, a flashlight, and a randomly selected weapon, just to even things up. Your weapon might be a pot lid, binoculars, a gun or a machete. Needles to say, I’d hope for the gun or the machete if I were you. We will also be placing things around to make the island a bit more interesting, like land mines, bear traps, and all sorts of other surprises. And oh yeah, there’s one more little thing: the necklaces. They monitor your pulse so we know if you’re alive and they have a sensor in them so we know where you are. If there isn’t a winner in three days, all of the necklaces you’re wearing will explode, killing you instantly. They do that if you try to take them off, too. We will gas you all again and dump you off in random places on the island, just to prevent you form ganging up. (gas enters the room through the vents and the players slump, falling asleep again) Goodbye.

(later on…ANDY WOZNIEWSKI wakes up. He is armed with a hatchet.)

WOZNIEWSKI : Hello? Hello? (music from the band Godspeed You Black Emperor! starts playing in the background.) Helloooo! Oh look, a Pepsi can. (WOZNIEWSKI grabs the can of Pepsi. As he is about to start drinking it, BOYD DEVEREAUX staggers by with an arrow through his neck)

DEVEREAUX: Andy…shit just got real…(he dies)

Eliminated: POHL, KRONWALL, COLAIACOVO, BATTAGLIA, and DEVEREAUX

20 more to go

Motivating the Leafs against the Hurricanes, Jan. 15, 2008

OK boyos, I'm out of ideas. Here's a video made when the Hurricanes were in the Stanley Cup which they then won. I'm just throwing it up here since it doesn't seem like anything else I'm doing is working. Enjoy

WINNA!

Hey-ho Domiteers! You may remember the contest to name my sociology group. To refresh your memory, here are the nominees:

From HabsFan29:
-The Wonderful World of Data
-Data's Ladies of Greatness
-Analyze This
-Women are Statistically Superior
-Survey says...

From reasonable doubt:
-poll position
-Poll dancers

From Greener (emailed):
- Data Collection Analysts For Christ

- WE! GATHER! DATA!

- Team We Don't Need to Use Our Bodies to Get Data, Just Our Minds

- The WMD's (Women Measuring Data)

- Data: It's What's For Dinner

- Data Collection/Analysis With Emphasis on the Construction of Different Methodilogical Works For Dummies

And according to the other ladies, the winner is...Greener, with "WMD's (Women Measuring Data)."

Greener rocks mainly since he always reads my scribblings and he always comments. He was one of the first people besides me who was reading, and his site was (I think) the first blog to add me to their blogroll. He could totally be a photographer for AP and he wears a bathrobe to Leafs games, no matter how sprung he gets. He's also a Leafs fan in the hockey hotbed of LA.

Thank you everyone who entered! You all rock! Don't forget Leafer madness starts on Wednesday! Thanks again all you for trying and stopping by!

Secret project REVEALED!

Secret project REVEALED!

I know that I mentioned something about a “Secret project" that I would be working on over the holiday break. Here it is: “Battle Royale” with the cast of Japanese students replaced with the Toronto Male Leafs! Here are a few disclaimers that I feel like I should get out of the way first:

1: This is totally fiction…at least I hope Gary Bettman doesn’t resort to this.
2: I had the players swear a bit more than I usually do. My theory was, they would be so busy killing each other that clean language would be the last thing on their minds.
3: I don’t know any of the people used personally—some of the personalities of the players I’ve gleaned from various interviews, but much of it comes straight from my imagination.
4: I also have nothing to do with the makers of “Battle Royale”
5: I am not doing this to harm, insult, etc. anyone—as I said in number 1, this is just an exercise in fiction. It’s more of an idea of “Hey, I wonder what would happen if…” than anything else.
6: Nobody gave me permission to do this. Then again, I never asked for permission in the first place.
7: Feel free to play Lazydork’s “Battle Royale” drinking game while reading this, if you are so inclined. If you’re going to do so:
a. Any harm you bring about yourself is your own damn fault
b. Ignore rules 4, 5, 6, and 7. Add in “take a drink every time a character makes a reference to another work (TV show, Movie, song, etc.)” I’ll start you off with two such examples:
1: The whole thing is a rip on “Battle Royale”
2: The Title is a rip on the film “Reefer Madness”

8: Most importantly of all, I want you guys to have fun reading it. It was fun writing it, even if it was hard to do. (And I still need to finish it off.) I'm probably going to use this to replace the Wednesday Snarky joke. As always, thanks for dropping by!

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, January 11, 2008

Howdy ho! This is the first YouTube Friday of the year 2008, and every now and then I’m going to try and have an additional theme instead of merely tying stuff in with hockey. Today’s theme is “Expect the unexpected.”

I’m sure you guys have seen this ad about a million times, but I’m reposting it here because Ryan Miller has to be the second or third least likely NHLer to participate in a “yo momma” fight. In the words of blackcapricorn at Barry Melrose Rocks, “I bet he had to watch that Wilmer Valderrama show 20 times just to figure out what the hell he was going to be talking about.”



Verizon Ad: again, you guys probably saw this video a bunch of times as well. I just love the guy calling all of the other babies “Loser! Loser! Loser!” which is, of course, unexpected behaviour.




Bloodhound Gang, “Ralph Wiggum.” A song that is entirely made up of quotes from Ralph Wiggum, which makes it awesome and unforeseen. Sharp-eyed readers may recognize the clips taken from a video that I posted earlier, “Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo.” To tie it in with hockey…um…one of the band guys is wearing a Flyers jersey.

Contest time!

Howdy ho, Domiteers! I am pleased to announce the first ever Wonder World of Loser Domi Contest!

I'll level with you: the contest isn't really for you, it's more for me. I'm in a sociology class where we have to do lots of group work and the prof wants each group to have a name. The contest is...provide a name for the group. The only name I've been able to think up so far is Team Ramrod, and I'm not sure that'll fly. Things to keep in mind when thinking of names:

1. It's me and two other women.
2. I do not know these two women at all, but I don't think they are anything like me.
3. The name of the course is Data Collection/Analysis. Here is the description of the course, stolen from my university's web page:

"Emphasis will be placed on the construction of different methodological frameworks (survey, experiment, fieldwork, unobtrusive measures) as well as the preparation of adequate methods and techniques for data gathering and analysis(sampling, design, coding, questionnaires, interviews)."

I can't really promise you anything as a reward except for bragging rights or possibly a whole post dedicated to how awesome you are. You have until Noon on Monday. I'm not really picky--I just need some ideas so throw 'em out there. You can either leave them in the comments or email me at loserdomi@gmail.com Thanks!

owowowowowowowowow!! OW!

An open letter: What the smeggin' hell is this? Seriously fellas, how much crack are you smoking before the games? Who do I have to blow to get you to--on second thought, don't answer. In fact, forget I said anything. Just try to not eat a cock tonight, ok? Come on--they're the coddamn Kings. Just get of the freakin' Fall Apart Express already. Why don't you guys just punch me in the head? It would be a lot easier and less painful for me.



(original coupon stolen from here). No pictures for you after last night. Like I said, actually show up to tonight's game and NO SUCKING ALLOWED.

Reverse Psych thing against the Ducks, Jan. 09, '08

Howdy ho, Domiteers. I've decided to give the reverse psych thing another shot since, let's face it, it's not like we're full of options. Besdies, I can upload the photos now--maybe it'll work again.

OK boyos, so you're taking a long trip out west, are you? Aw screw the motivation speech--I did two pictures just to make up for not doing this for a month. There's a happy Domi picture:



And here's an angry Domi:


I am angry at you guys, riding the whole "Fall apart express" throughout teh Southeast last month. Make me a happy Domi, dammit!

Open Letter/Rant to Andrew Raycroft

Special thanks goes to Jared over at Die Hard Blue and White --I totally stole your idea. Except, my idea is more of the "whimsical" sort, whereas your letter had, like, actual analysis and stuff.

Dearest Andrew,
Ok, so here's my idea to make you a better goalie. Other people are going to tell you stuff like "work harder on reflexes" or "suck on a tailpipe", but that's not the kind of advice that you'll follow. What I want to do is offer you the advice that you'll actually follow. This is the kind of advice that's easy to do and will get the promised results.

Here's my thinking: there are all sorts of rules regarding the equipment--how big leg pads can be and whatnot. There is one thing that the NHL can't regulate: the size of your ass. That's right--there are no rules regarding goalie ass size.

Therefore, I propose that you eat lots of donuts. (Image of Homer stolen from here)


Yep, lots and lots of donuts. As in, enough to make you look like one of those rap guys' girlfriends.(Note: google image searching for "Baby got back" is REALLY recommended against, even with the safe search on.) Come on, I know you can do it well--donuts are delicious. Eating lots of them will make your ass grow in size. With a larger butt, you might be able to stop some more pucks. It seems logical to me. To quote the immortal Homer Simpson on the left: "Donuts--is there anything they can't do?"

Think about it, Andrew. Just...think about it

Crapfully yours,
Loser Domi

Back in Black! (actually more like red Cable-knit but whatever)

So I'm back at my apartment in QC. School starts up again in a few days, but I get nice web connections, which is awesome! I can also do YouTube again, and to celebrate, I'm posting this video (Bloodhound Gang, " Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo") because:
Foxtrot
Uniform
Charlie
Kilo

also happens to be what I've been saying about the Leafs over the past...month or so. Plus, it features Bam Margera, who looks like he could be the hybrid of Jason Spezza and Darcy Tucker. Enjoy!

quick note...

Just a quick thing to say I haven't quit the blog. I'm just busy wrapping up stuff down here. I'll be returning to school tommorrow, so expect a better entry sometime in the afternoon/evening. As always, thanks for dropping by!

Glossary of terms: Smeg

Smeg: (n, adj, adv, v) Stolen from the television series Red Dwarf. Like the word “fuck”, it has extrodinary versatility, but unlike the word “fuck”, it is not considered offensive. “Smeg” can be used as almost any part of speech and almost every word in a sentence, as in “What the smegging smeg are those smeggers doing?” It has a usually negative connotation.
Other forms: Smeghead (n, non offensive of “shithead”), smegging (v, adv, adj), smegger (n)

Picture stolen from: http://scrwalkforum.proboards60.com/index.cgi?board=oldguestbook&action=post&thread=1186752456&page=1