Maple Leafs Chat: Nobody Likes Lee

I_ron_butterfly: …AND THAT BOYS IS WHAT WE HAVE TO DO TONIGHT
StempofApproval: But Coach, what about--
I_ron_butterfly: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
StempofApproval: I’m Lee Stempniak? I’m a Leafs player
I_ron_butterfly: I MAY BE AN OLD MAN BUT I THINK I KNOW THE PLAYERS ON MY TEAM
StempofApproval: Don’t you guys remember? I came over in the trade from St. Louis? You traded Alex Steen and Carlo Colaiacovo for me?
White_lightning: CARLO!
White_lightning: /Sobbing
StajanNotCajun: STEENER!
StajanNotCajun:/sobbing
I_ron_butterfly: YOU TWO CUT THAT EMO SHIT OUT
StajanNotCajun: /slightly quieter sobbing
White_lightning: /slightly quieter sobbing
StempofApproval: But I’ve been here since November!
Schenn_sational: I don’t remember you at all.
StempofApproval: I play on a line with you!
Rebel_Yell: You know, I think I saw you a few times there. You kept yelling at me to pass the puck, but I didn’t since I didn’t think you were a real player.
StempofApproval: I was in a uniform, on the ice. What the hell did you think I was?
Rebel_Yell: I dunno, some sort of deranged stalker? I was seriously going to go and file a restraining order against you for my own protection.
White_lightning: I thoughts you were some sort of newspaper guy, like those guys that go in with an army unit in Afghanistan and stuff?
Schenn_sational: I thought I was just imagining you, or it was some trick of the light
I_ron_butterfly: I WILL IN NO WAY TOLERATE THIS KIND OF TOMFOOLERY
StempofApproval: Am I seriously the only one here who thinks I’m a Leafs player?
StajanNotCajun: So you’re not just a Make A Wish kid who’s last wish to meet the Leafs?
StempofApproval:NO! Gah what do I have to do to convince you guys I’m a Leaf?
I_ron_butterfly: YOU COULD SING THE SONG
White_lightning: we have a song?
StempofApproval: Er…My baby takes the morning train, he works from 9 to 5 and then he takes another home again to find me…lacing up the skates for the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club! Best freakin’ club in all the land, am I right?
I_ron_butterfly: THAT’S PRETTY DAMN GOOD, LAD!

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, February 27, 2009

I have no theme once again. I will do trade deadline stuff, but not right now since the game just finished, I'm still a bit sick and I kinda want to head to bed soon. Here are some clips that may have nothing to do with hockey, but for the past few days, I can't seem to stop playing them.


clip one: "Somebody to Love"---Queen

I guess you could say it's something I want in the Leafs for my own selfish reasons. I want people I can actually write about, real characters--not a team of Stempniaks.



Clip two: Ocsar spoilers form the Fine Brothers. I can't stop hearing "I'm Kate Winslet and I;m a Nazi who can't read" while I'm in stores and stuff. I giggle.


Clip three: DyzaBOYS--Nekeca. What the world needs now is more bearded Czechs in huge sunglasses singing techno:

clip two

The Leafs fail at life

evidence here.

An Open Letter to Tomas Kaberle

Dear Tomas (I can call you Tomas, right?)
I know some people are talking bad about you. Haters are making negative comments about you. Some say that you should be traded for prospects and other players. I just want to say that whatever happens, you had some good times with the Leafs and I thank you for it. I just want to ask one thing: Why do you sound like a Mexican?






I mean, you're a Czech who has been living in Canada for at lest a decade. I simply don't understand how you end up sounding like a Mexican. Unless...

Maple Leafs Chat: Still Smokin'

(special thanks to Archimedes for spiritual guidance)

StajanNotCajun:OMG you guys, we're playing Vancouver tomarrow!
sonofamitch: Vancouver? man, they always depress me
SchennSational: Yeah, it's always like vanzzzzz
StajanNotCajun:no you guys, you know who comes with Vancouver?
sonofamitch: hippies?
StajanNotCajun: NO! It's Mats and Kyle are coming back!
sonofamitch:...so? they aren't Leafs anymore right?
stajanNotCajun: Oh Kyle, Like a big comfy pillow, but with a built in space heater
sonofamitch: yeah he heats LOTS of space, hahah
SchennSational: He always seemed the type to steal the covers, or do a dutch oven
stajanNotCajun: Yeah...I mean, uh. I guess. whatever
***SherrifOfWellwoodForest has entered the chatroom***
***sundinbloodySundin has entered the chat room***
StajanNotCajun: WELLEY!
stajanNOTCajun: / jumps for joy
sherriffOfWellwoodforrest: Matty!I got some great ideas, man. Me and Mats are gonna start up a weed themed bakery and call it "Wake N'Bakery"
sundinBloodySundin: yeah, it'll be great, Like, BC Brownies--
stajanNotCajun: BC Bacon brownies! cuz bacon makes things better
SundinBloodySundin: and Amsterdam apple crisp and...I think that's all we have so far
stajanNotCajun: I dunno, should we just spark up a bit, like we used to?
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: would you expect anything else from me?
SchennSational: Spark up? What’s—
sonofamitch: I’m down.
SchennSational: won’t doing drugs be bad for our bodies and careers?
SundinBloodySundin: dude, it’s the Leafs playing Vancouver: weed can only make it better
***SundinBloodySundin takes 2 puffs and passes the dutchie on the left hand side***
***SherriffofWellwooodforrest takes 2 puffs and passes the dutchie on the left hand side***
***stajanNotCajun takes 2 puffs and passes the dutchie on the left hand side***
SchennSational: /takes 2 puffs
SchennSational: HOLY DISHWAHSERS, this feels like a horse just kicked me in the chest
sonofamitch: come on, quit bogarting the pipe. Don’t be a dick, be a dude
***sonofamitch finishes it off***
SundinBloodySundin: man, I got munchies. Are there any taco bells here? Man I miss Taco Bell runs in Vancouver
stajanNotCajun: Fire in the Taco Bell! Hehehehehehehhhh….
SchennSational: Guys I dunno if my lungs remember how to breathe…
Sonofamitch: quit being such a whiny baby, Schenner
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: look guys let’s all head out and find some munchies somewhere
***Welcome to SherriffofWellwooodforrest car chatroom!***
Sonofamitch: hey there’s donuts back here!
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: yeah, I got a new recipe I’ve been tinkering with.
stajanNotCajun: then why is there a tim horton’s box?
SundinBloodySundin: there’s always a Tim’s box back there
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: well, I got kinda hungry while working on the weed-nuts and I figured eating more of those wouldn’t help—
stajanNotCajun: wait—“weednuts?”
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: they’re doughnuts! With weed in them! Strawberry flavoured weed, no less
Sonofamitch: that actually sounds pretty damn tasty
SchennSational: I can’t breathe! My throat’s like sand paper!
stajanNotCajun: anyone have anything liquid here?
Sonofamitch: Uh, I got this PBR I was drinking earlier. Will that work?
SchennSational: SWEET SASSAFRAS IT TAKES LIKE HORSE WIZ!
SundinBloodySundin: man, I can’t stop laughing. “SASSAFRAS!”
StajanNotCajun: holy shit, dude, that’s a great word. Like, you don’t even need to tell a joke, just say sassafras at me and I’m almost pissing myself laughing
Sonofamitch: hahahaha Sassafras?
SundinBloodySundin: Sassafras! ahahahaha
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Sassafras, sassafras, SASSAFRAS! HAHAHA Hey Matt?
stajanNotCajun: what?
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: SASSAFRAS!
stajanNotCajun: LOLLERCOASTER
SchennSational: COPS! OHhhhhhhhh nooooooo! They’re gonna know we where smoking demon weed and we’re gonna go to jail.
***SherriffofWellwooodforrest pulls the car over***
SundinBloodySundin: we’re not gonna go to jail
Sonofamitch: what if they take our sassafras?
SchennSational: they’re gonna smell it. Oh god! You guys! My brain is eating itself!
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: DUDE! Just everybody chill the fuck out! I got this
Supertrooper: good evening, any chance I could see you license and registration?
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: sure thing officer Ramrod
Supertrooper: what did you just call me?
stajanNotCajun: he looks like the guy from Supertroopers
Supertrooper: Yes, fine, I get that a lot. Littering and littering and whatnot.
SundinBloodySundin: Are you gonna beat Kyle?
Supertrooper: Meow mr. Wellwood, do you know what I pulled you over?
Sonofamitch : Did he just say meow?
stajanNotCajun:Shhh dude, he’s totally gonna do it, heehee
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Cuz you’re bored and it’s your job?
Supertrooper: Well, uh, dammit, kid don’t mess with me you will NOT WIN!
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Am I gonna get a ticket? I just don’t have any money on me to pay for one, but I could give you some doughnuts. Cuz yanno, like, you’re just gonna take the money I give you for a ticket for coffee and doughnuts, right? So I’ll be, like, saving you paperwork, yanno?
Supertrooper: well, I have been out here all night, I wouldn’t mind that box in the back.
SundinBloodySundin: Matty, Mitchell, pass that up
Sonofamitch: Rokay!
SchennSational: like, ok, man!
***Supertrooper has received box of Timmy Ho’s Doughnuts***
Supertrooper: Well, have a good night boys.
***Supertrooper has left the chat room***
stajanNotCajun: Wait, Luke, which box did you grab?
SchennSational: Like I dunno man, I just grabbed a box
SundinBloodySundin: Oh no, You could have given the officer the one with the weed in it
Sonofamitch: Ruh ro!
stajanNotCajun: let’s get out of here!
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Wait, the one with the weed should have only 6, the other one was a full dozen
SchennSational: Like Sorry Welly, me an Mitchell wanted some snacks so we ate them.
Sonofamitch: really rasty!
SundinBloodySundin : You two can eat a lot of doughnuts! I hope we can solve this mystery!
stajanNotCajun: what mystery?
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Jinkies! Is that a ghost?
Sonofamitch: Ro no!
SchennSational: Like g-g-g-ghost!
SundinBloodySundin: that’s no ghost….it’s just Jason Blake!
***thumping noise***
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: did we just run over Jason Blake?
SchennSational: Like, I’m never hanging out with you guys again.

THURSDAY youtube Yoinkage??

that's right, I'm shaking things up a bit. I got something extra special planned for the Vancouver/Leafs game on Saturday, so I'm bumping the YouTube Yoinkage up a day to make room for it. No real theme this time, just awesome stuff

clip one: I'm not sure why, but I love listening to this Czech man talk about...stuff, and play the banjo, even if I can't understand a word he says:


clip two:
the Lonely Island's "I'm on a Boat" (lyrics NSFW)


clip three:
I really wanted to use the official video for Lordi's "Hard Rock Halleujah", but I'll link here since embedding's disabled. It involves zombie cheerleaders and coustumed Fins--how could it be anything BUT full of win? Here's a version from when they were competing in the Eurovision contest. Honestly, I listen to this song and feel like I could run through a damned brick wall:

Antro and Poni super Awesome show!

(note: the following video of how Nik Antropov and Alexei Ponikarvosky are so different kind of inspired Jaredoflondon and I to write this. Glove tap to Jared)


(SCENE: ANTROPOV, PONIKAROVSKY, and TOSKALA are sitting on some folding chairs in Nik Antropov’s basement. A video camera is set up on a tripod filming them.)
ANTROPOV:Hi I am Antropov!
TOSKALA: who are you laaaike, talking to?
ANTROPOV: Is start of show! to audience!
TOSKALA: Wat audience?
PONIKAROVSKY: Oh yes, Hi I is Alexi!
ANTROPOV: Welcome to "the Super Awesome Antro and Poni Show that is good"
PONIKAROVSKY: We have awesome guests like Vesa Toskala and Jasonblake doing a spinny thing.
TOSKALA: I thought you laaike saaaid this would be a show, where is the chrowd? Is that Jiri's Camera? I rheeckognize if from laaike....nevehermind
ANTROPOV: it is small sho, underground
PONIKAROVSKY: we's even in basement for it
ANTROPOV: shut it Poni
PONIKAROVSKY: no Nik, stop it
ANTROPOV:Is even catered. Alex, you call dominos yet? order cheesebourger pizza, is great!
PONIKAROVSKY: Nik, is your turn dis week
BLAKE: (from backstage, which is behind a shower curtain)Hey guys, when do I come out for the stupid animal tricks? You know, my spinny trick in the shootout and stuff?
ANTROPOV: we's no done wit vesa yet
PONIKAROVSKY: yes, quiet Jason Blake
BLAKE: quit calling me jasonblake. Just jason works
PONIKAROVSKY: but is your name, jasonblake, why you not like it when we call you your name? jasonblake
TOSKALA: is laiiike shake and bake
ANTROPOV:is good one, Vesa!
TOSKALA: So, when do we laaike get to talk about my cloths, i wore my laaike best micky mouse shirt
ANTROPOV:(looks at poni) Jasonblake, you is on now, do your spinny trick for camera
PONIKAROVSKY: Haha, like hamster wheel!
BLAKE:I don't know why, but people keep sending me this video of a hamster eating popcorn. I can't get that song out of my head
ANTROPOV:Hamster on a piano!
BLAKE: GAH I can't forget it it's burnt into my brain
ANTROPOV: is cute, little hamster dere
PONIKAROVSKY: is stupid, high voice is annoying. and where is dominos?
ANTROPOV: is not ordered yet, you has not picked up phone, cannot come if you not order!
PONIKAROVSKY: is still your turn! i bought last time
ANTROPOV:I buy, you order is how it goes, last time you buy i order you are ruining system
PONIKAROVSKY: Youse making stuff up! Ders is no system
ANTROPOV:Is clearly outlined in house rules, had serial killer college boy write up in english
PONIKAROVSKY: He noes kill people, i sees no bodies
ANTROPOV: Course he kills people, just looks like guy from show, show is messy, lots of bloods. Has lots of plastic wrap in car, told me they for leftovers, but is way more plastic wrap den one guy needs
BLAKE: Wait, are you guys talking about Dominic Moore? Well, he does kinda look like Dexter…nevermind, this is getting too weird, I’m out of here. (goes upstairs)
TOSKALA: uh guys is dat laaaike, de lenscap is still on?
BLAKE: (from upstairs) Sweet, who ordered the pizza?
PONIKAROVSKY: FUCK! Antro you forgot lenses cap is on
ANTROPOV: is not even mine camera! you forgots!
TOSKALA: Jason, what kind of pizza is it?
BLAKE: tastes like a hamburger...no a cheeseburger! (ANTROPOV And PONIKAROVSKY Look at each other)
ANTROPOV:I LIKES PIZZA
PONIKAROVSKY: I likes cheesbourgers...
ANTROPOV:how coulds you no like cheesbourgers?
PONIKAROVSKY: JASONBLAKE NO EATS OUR CHEESEBOURGERS PIZZA!
TOSKALA: I thought no one laaike ordered pizza, where did this come from?
ANTROPOV: Quite yous, you is spoiling moment
PONIKAROVSKY: is magic pizza fairy! (all run upstairs)
BLAKE: It was sitting right here on the table when I came up, there was a note too but the grease ruined it, the only part I could make out was love Pa Ku ina. What do you think that means?
ANTROPOV:Is Hawaiian pizza?
PONIKAROVSKY: is little white thing on dis piece, like tiny foot balls and is still good
ANTROPOV: I feels all tingly…
PONIKAROVSKY: Hawaiian cheesbourgers? Is weird is crazy!
BLAKE: here Vesa, have some magic pizza.
TOSKALA: I can't it laaaike wrecks my complexion
ANTROPOV:I can not feel my legs, pizza is good, dis reminds me of last time Hobo guy make us drinks
PONIKAROVSKY:jaaaaaayyyyyyaaaaasonblaaake, it feels funny on my tongue
BLAKE: I just realized your last name is Poni, like pooooony, you know the mini horse? poooony, whoa, the walls are melting
KUBINA:(watching through binoculars): excellent, plan is in effect
KABERLE: what you watching?
KUBINA: Uh...nothing, I thought you were looking at houses in Philadelphia
KABERLE: dat's just some dumb rumour in internet, is not true
KUBINA: Oh, I was all excited to meet dis Jeff Carter man, he look like he would enjoy nice roofie collada
KABERLE: roofie colada?
KUBINA: Is secret recipe. Yes, you had one last night, liked it much a lot. You no complain of your hand hurting anymore.
KABERLE: I don’t remember
KUBINA: That is point--you was so stressed I thought you'd like something relaxing (GRABOVSKI enters)
GRABOVSKI: Has you guys seen my pineapple? I was going to make crazy cake! is with pined apples and is upside down!
KABERLE: That is not cake, is mess, you just stab pined apple with big knife, is juice everywhere! Is sticky now
KUBINA: You say you was going to clean it, you not, maybe you need refreshing drink...for energy

LOLeafs, hot n fresh edition

So I do have actual posts with words coming soon. I even worked with some awesome possums, so be on the lookout for those later. Just don't burn your mouth roof on these hot LOLeafs (photos as usual from Yahooo!)

"The Covenant", or, LD Watches Bad Movies so you don't have to

You know how when there’s not hockey on, you have to find other things to do with your time? Well, back in January there were two Saturdays in a row without any Leafs hockey on. That’s when I finally decided to sit down and actually watch “The Covenant.”

Now, I should explain why this movie. It was filmed at my school my first year (fall of 2005) and I had the great chance to be a paid extra in it. However, when it came out, I heard almost no positive reviews for it,(rotten tomatoes gives it a 3 out of 100) so I didn’t go and see it. I’ve been avoiding it this whole time until now.

Since I was an extra in it, I may get more of a kick out of it than anyone else. Also, most of my review comes from the chat I was running with Heather of Wrap Around Curl at the time. I also got really hammered for reasons that will be discussed later.

So, quick synopsis: back in the days of the Salem Witch trials, there were five families who escaped persecution and settled in another place. Over the years, they kept the powers pretty secret and became really rich powerful families, except one branch that apparently died out. The whole plot centers around a group of 4 guys who are the descendants of these powerful families. I’m terrible with names, except I know the leader is Caleb (for the record DRINK everytime someone says Caleb). I will also refer to him as “mini-Crosby” because he looks like Sidney Crosby except he doesn’t punch anyone in the junk. There are also Mini-Eminem (blonde, stupid, douche), longish Hair (longish Hair, drives a motorcycle, stupid douche) and some fourth guy who gets so little attention I didn’t even bother coming up with a name for him. So anyway, these four guys are at a really exclusive prep school in New England and about to “ascend”, which I guess is like a male witch version of puberty, where they get their full powers. This all seems well and good except remember the fifth family? Apparently they NEVER died out and the boy from that family wants to take mini-Crosby’s powers because…he can. That’s how shit goes down in this movie. Maybe he has he panties in a bunch from the whole “not allowed to be one of the cool kids who rule everything” but whatever.

8:12 PM i have seen bits of it before
they showed our admin/proff offices building like every minute

Note. Here is the building in question normally:


It is home to administration, the business office, admissions and several professors’ offices.
Here it is in the movie (for screencaps, just ignore the Japanese in the corner, as I may or may not hae just streamed it from Youku instead of buying it or downloading it)

DRINK EVERY TIME YOU SEE THIS BUILDING. You will get hammered guaranteed. Here’s a bit from the chat:

8:38 PM me: i'm drinking everytime they show the admin building
in 2.5 minutes of playing, I have had 3 drinks
ad I think i missed some
8:39 PM Heather: you are gonna be hammered

So it starts off with this big bonfire party, because there’s nothing rich spoiled kids love more than standing around in the woods drinking. Someone sees the cops coming, so they all get out of there. Mini Crosby, Mini Eminem, Longish hair, and the forth guy get in a car and use their great powers to make the car go off a cliff without dying.

Heather: I remember making fun of the trailer for this
me: as you probably should have
all I know is they filmed at bishop's and I got paid to stand around one night
Heather: I called it a ripoff of The Craft
…
8:47 PM "harry potter can kiss my ass!"--great line for the covenant
Heather: that's amazing
8:48 PM me: as they're driving over a cliff to escape cops while leaving a party

So then mini-Crosby goes home to his mom, they talk about how his dad used up his magic, which apparently causes the person to get addicted to magic and age super fast. I know this is supposed to be super dramatic, but considering the whole movie seems like the final project for the Honor Society of the Keanu Reeves Acting School, I am having a hard time not laughing. You know, who needs facial expressions or emotions when you’re as hot as these boys, amirite?
And now, we get to see who I think is mini-Crosby’s maybe girlfriend showering for some reason. From the chat:

8:57 PM oh there's no shower scene quite like a gratuitous shower scene
8:59 PM Heather: just like in Pucked
me: sorta
only less hockey
9:00 PM Heather: there really wasnt hockey in pucked

And then there’s some generic “OMIGOD I’m so spooked out but it turned out to be nothing stuff.


So Longish hair and mini-crosby talk on the phone about gratuitous useage of powers while mini-Crosby (Caleb) is driving, except he almost gets in a car crash! But his powers cause the car to disintergrate so Caleb’s ok! Kids, hang up and drive unless you’re some sort of warlock who can use his powers for good or for awesome (the more you know…)


There’s some closeness stuff between Caleb and the maybe girlfriend. They go out to the old family colonial cottage and talk about stuff. More generic spooky movie stuff followed by more warnings to Caleb Mini-Crosby to be careful. I half expect a “with great power comes great responsibility” type line, but it doesn’t come. Well, Shucks.


Generic bar scene comes next. My main issue is if they’re in prep school, they shouldn’t be of college age, so they shouldn’t be in a dive like this. The Fabulous Four (I’m so using that term for them now) see a girl in a short skirt and…

9:11 PM gratitoitus upskrit FTW!
9:12 PM Heather: niceeeee
9:13 PM me: ok, so in almost 30 minutes of movies, these boys who have such amazing powers have used them for teh following: jumping from cliff to a bonfire party, vomiting on command, making a car disappear to escape the cops, one made another car disintergrate when he was talking on his phone and ran into a truck, and to blow some random chick's skirt up
Heather: I remember some of that from the trailer

me: yeah
that's most of the trailer

At this point we get to meet Evil dude, or Rogue. He’s the fifth family’s kid. Actually, we may have seen him before, but it’s not like it matters

me: OMG GIRL DANCING SULTRY ESQUE
to I love rock n roll
how didn';t this win an oscar!
Heather: so original!
me: they got robbed

At this point, I think I’ll just let the chat speak for itself, with only a few screen grabs, explanations, etc to clear it up.

9:19 PM OMG levitation n shit!
these guys are greatness
like magna cum laude from Willam Shatner's acting class
Heather: LOL
9:20 PM me: the run down old buildings you see are slightly less wooden then they are
9:21 PM maybe it was Keanu Reeve's acting class and not shatners
I dunno
…
less! emphasis! on ! every! word

more mumbly and slackjawed expressions
9:24 PM and OMG they showed McGreer again!
Heather: drinkkkkk
9:25 PM me: like 3 in a row
me: OMG SPIDERS
lots and lots of spiders!!
in a girl's room! while she's sleeping in essentially undies!
this is oscar calibre shit right here!
9:27 PM Heather: girls never sleep in just undies
even when its super hot

me: oh thank god it was just a bad dream
I know, why sleep in just like undies and camisole? it gets freaking cold that way
9:28 PM and hot shirtless boys in bed!
Heather: sign me up!
…
9:35 PM how nice, the hot boys are the swim team, so you know what that means?
Heather: bow chicka wow wowwwww
me: hoty boys=z in speedos lol
and more gratutitous shower scenes!
Heather: yes!

for the ladiessssss
9:36 PM me: actual dialog :
"What are you looking at, fag?"
"that thing between your legs. It's like a penis, only smaller"
and then they fight
Heather: wtf?!
me: in a shower scene after "practice"
9:37 PM I put that in quotes as they just walk around in speedos and talk about something
which is evidently such hard work they must shower afterwards
9:38 PM Heather: clearly

…
me: and now the swim boys are actually swimming
in speedos
yippe!
9:53 PM Heather: hawtness
me: cus you know every school movie needs a sports moment
…
9:57 PM holy crap I just did like 7 drinks in a row b/c of McGreer rule
9:58 PM Heather: you might die!
be careful
me: and apparently prep schools don't have "nurses" they have "infirmery"
It's just amusing to me, since the same building that's teh dorms is also admissions office

….
So there were some hallucinations and stuff of spiders and other generic freaky shit made up by evil Dude, so the Fabulous Four has to go to where some original book is and learn how to knock this evil dude out of the game.

10:09 PM me: and now the covenant has floating books and flames and candles n shit
10:10 PM Heather: wow
scary
me: i know
cause they're descended from witches and whatnot

Apparently Rogue Guy materialized a shitload of spiders to attack Longish Hair’s girlfriend and sent her into analphalatic shock. You know, standard diva stuff.
and the rogue guy put a spell on little Crosby's girlfriend's rommate

10:11 PM SPIDERS!
the roomie is girlfriends with long haired guy
so he is PISSED cuz she
10:12 PM is in the hospital for analphalatic shock, yanno, from a buncha spider bites
….
I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS ACTUAL DIALOGUE "come to save little miss muffet have we? well you're too late! a spider came and sat down beside here and frightened miss muffet away!"
actual fucking dialog
as longish hair revs up his bike
Heather: wow
this movie is full of win
me: ZOMG MATRIX STYLE CAMERA WORK
10:15 PM with longish hair driving toward rogue guy on a motorcycle
longish hair crashes

There’s apparently a ball or something (the scene I got to be in!) but at this point I am so smammered I don’t even really care anymore. Rogue Guy lures mini-Crosby to some abandoned barn so Rogue guy can steal Mini-Crosby’s powers as he “Ascends” and gets his powers

10:22 PM I think rogue guy just made a your mom insult to mini crosby
he will destroy them all when Caleb (min Crosby) "ascends" whatever the hell that means
10:24 PM MOAR TELEKENISIS! FTW!
Heather: I love telekenisis!
OH! Plot development! Rogue Guy has kidnapped Mim-Crosby’s girl and will kill her (or possibly just ruin her dress for the Fall Fest thingy.)
10:49 PM wait....did I just hear "how about I make you my wi-atch"?
like beyotch, but with witches?

10:56 PM ok, so in the climatic barn fight scene, we have fire, balls of what looks like gelatin and random old farm implements all FTW pitchforks n shit
me: more actual dialog :
11:02 PM rogue dude: "are you ready to say uncle?"
mini crosby:"I;m ready for you to go to hell"
11:04 PM oooh kick in the face while lying down
me: OK so now min crosby and rogue boy look like they're just hurling balls of jello at each other
but it's 'MAGIC"
11:06 PM or something
11:10 PM aw shucks mini crosby missed the dance to hurl gelatin balls

I’m pretty sure that there was a conversation that went a bit like this in post-production:
Director: so, We have Evil guy throw a fireball at Caleb—
Producer: Uh, we can’t afford to CGI fireballs
Director: well I dunno, make them do SOMETHING! Have them throw some magic at each other!
What resulted was this:
Yeah, wavy air hurts people. Whatever. Evil dude throws his balls of magic at Mini Crosby's face (HA!)
Mini-Crosby wins and Rogue Guy turns into dust or something. I don’t remember and I really don’t care at this point. All I know is cute boys throwing stuff at each other and acting more wooden than the old colonial buildings around them. I have seen movies like this in that the more you drink, the better it gets. Plot holes seal themselves up, dialogue becomes realistic, and in general it just makes sense. In fact, I'm pretty sure that for this movie if you drank enough tgo make you pass out, this becomes like "Citizen Kane" good.

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, February 13, 2009

today, I am doing odd player/associations

clip one: ok, so last night Wrap posted a picture stolen from Puck Huffers of Steven Stamkos
So naturally, I thought of "Special Olympics" by Stephen Lynch:


clip two:
(language NSFW), "Don't Cha" by Pussycat Dolls. for some reason, I can totally see Vesa Toskala singing this to himself during warmups when he thinks nobody can hear him:


clip three:
"Soccer Ball (In the Face)" by ParryGripp. Poor Matt Stajan, after your little accident, every time I see this I think of you and still laugh.

LOLefas: Tomatos eyes edition

So I need more time to type stuff up. Oh well, As usual, Yahoo! Sports for all the photos

It's a Wendelful life, the conclusion!

part one
Part two
CLARK: Tell me Tomas, you ever feel worried for the future of the Leafs? Are you ever worried about who will lead them if you’re not there?
KABERLE: I’m sure the leafs will find someone competent to be captain
CLARK: Did you know that three months after you died, Hollweg got the Captain’s C?
KABERLE: Hollweg? No….
CLARK: yes. It kinda blindsided everyone
KABERLE:No! It can’t happen! I can’t die! I have to stop Ryan Hollweg from becoming captain! Wendel—thank you, for showing me—
CLARK: Don’t mention it. But since you almost went through with a suicide by Wendel, I am gonna hafta punch out at least half of your blood. But I’ll leave some towels, and some juice and cookies—like when you donate blood—to make you feel better.
KABERLE: I suppose that is the best I could hope for. It seems a fair compromise (CLARK proceeds to punch out precisely half of KABERLE ‘s blood. KABERLE wakes up half a day later in his kitchen.)

KABERLE: (groggy) uhhhh God I feel terrible...but Wendel did leave me a bunch if towels on the floor and both a carton of orange juice and a bag of Oreos on the counter. He may be an unstoppable killing machine but at least he’s a man of his word. Wait a minute... I can feel pain again! I’M ALIVE! (Stands up) I’m ALIVE and...dizzy as hell, but still alive. I better take the juice and cookies with me (grabs juice and cookies) I have to tell people I’m still alive! (KABERLE runs out the door while periodically drinking form the juice bottle and eating cookies)
KABERLE: I’m still alive! Go Leafs go! GO LEAFS GO! (runs into light post)
BYSTANDER: You ok? You hit that light post pretty hard
KABERLE: (shakes head) I think that undid the Janssen hit! I can cross check without fear now!(checks BYSTANDER to the ground) GO LEAFS GO! (KABERLE continues as such until he reaches the practice rink, where the team has just finished training for the day)
STAJAN: Oh good, Kabby, you are ok. We tried calling and didn’t get any answers.
KABERLE: Oh Matt, you aren’t drunk are you?
STAJAN: No...why would I be drunk? I never drink before noon—
KABERLE: Oh thank GOD! And Lee, Lee Stempniak, nobody shot you in the face!
STEMPNIAK: Uh, no, last time I checked my face was still whole
(HOLLWEG enters talking to MITCHELL)
HOLLWEG: so then I say to her ‘Babe , the way things are going in the Leafs, I could be the next captain of the Leafs’
KABERLE :(To Stajan) Here, hold these (hands over cookies and juice) (to HOLLWEG) You’ll be captain over my dead body (KABERLE ninja kicks HOLLWEG in the face, knocking him unconscious)
STAJAN: Wow Kabs, that was kick ass!
STEMPNIAK: More like kick face!
MITCHELL: that was probably the awesomest thing I have ever seen you do...ever

Friday YouTube Yoinkage, February 6, 2009

It's been a bit of a rough week for me and some other people I know, so today's FYY is all about anti emo power. I'm trying to find 3 videos that can, at least for as little while, fight the emowave

Clip one: "Jizz in my pants" (possibly NSFW due to language and jizzing in pants)


Clip two: Batman and Iron man explain some differences in DC versus Marvel comics:


clip three:
Live Version of "Move your feet" By Junior Senior, which should cure your emoness

It's a Wendelful Life, part 2

Part one

CLARK: Oh that’s nothing compared to other people on the team (CLARK transports KABERLE to downtown Toronto at night. JOHN MITCHELL, IAN WHITE, AND LUKE SCHENN are assembled on a street corner—MITCHELL with a shot gun, WHITE with a harpoon and SCHENN with a baseball bat. )
SCHENN: Ian, where’d you get a harpoon?
WHITE: I know some people who know some people. What I wanna know is how Johnny got his gun
MITCHELL: (mockingly) I know some people who know some people.
SCHENN: Whatever, they’ll work to get the thing that killed Kabbie. what’s a chupa...thingy look like?
WHITE: I dunno, a puma? A warthog?
MITCHELL: I thought it was some big lizard thingy...
SCHENN: I think the chupacapra sucks out goats , so should we get a goat to use for bait?
MITCHELL: But didn’t it attack Kaberle, not a goat?
WHITE: I know! We get his brother and use him as bait!
SCHENN: SHH! I hear something, behind those bushes....IT’S THE CHUPACABRA! (MITCHELL fires gun, LEE STEMPNIAK falls down from the bushes, shot in the face but still alive)
MITCHELL: OH SHIT! OH....FUCK! OH SHITFUCKCUNTWAD! GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!
SCHENN: We’re so screwed!
WHITE: Wait, “we”? I didn’t pull the trigger or anything!
STEMPNIAK: (gurgling noises)
MITCHELL: fuck...is he...still alive?
WHITE: Schenner, poke him with something.
SCHENN: Me? Why do I have to play with the dead body?
WHITE: It’s what rookies do, they investigate dead bodies. You’ll understand when you’ve been playing pro for a few years. (SCHENN gingerly taps STEMPNIAK in the head with his shoe)
STEMPNIAK: (angry gurgling noises)
SCHENN:Oh man, now he’s pissed ‘cause I poked him in the head (STEMPNIAK stops twitching and falls silent. MITCHELL and SCHENN now lose it)
SCHENN: ohmanohmanohmanohman WE’RE DEAD! DEAD!
MITCHELL: SHITFUCKINGTACOS!
WHITE: Schenner! John! Calm the fuck down! Ok, so...I think that we can all agree that the only way out of this is ritual Japanese suicide.
SCHENN: But we’re not Japanese!
KABERLE: They won’t really commit seppuku, will they Wendel? They can’t!
CLARK: Nah, they won’t. Ian’s just gonna drink himself stupid, Mitchell will be a nervous wreck his whole life, and Schenn’s night terrors just got a whole lot worse.
KABERLE: He has night terrors?
CLARK: He will now.
KABERLE:Poor kid


Be sure to stay tuned for the conclusion to It's a Wendelful life!