(note: the following video of how Nik Antropov and Alexei Ponikarvosky are so different kind of inspired Jaredoflondon and I to write this. Glove tap to Jared)
(SCENE: ANTROPOV, PONIKAROVSKY, and TOSKALA are sitting on some folding chairs in Nik Antropov’s basement. A video camera is set up on a tripod filming them.)
ANTROPOV:Hi I am Antropov!
TOSKALA: who are you laaaike, talking to?
ANTROPOV: Is start of show! to audience!
TOSKALA: Wat audience?
PONIKAROVSKY: Oh yes, Hi I is Alexi!
ANTROPOV: Welcome to "the Super Awesome Antro and Poni Show that is good"
PONIKAROVSKY: We have awesome guests like Vesa Toskala and Jasonblake doing a spinny thing.
TOSKALA: I thought you laaike saaaid this would be a show, where is the chrowd? Is that Jiri's Camera? I rheeckognize if from laaike....nevehermind
ANTROPOV: it is small sho, underground
PONIKAROVSKY: we's even in basement for it
ANTROPOV: shut it Poni
PONIKAROVSKY: no Nik, stop it
ANTROPOV:Is even catered. Alex, you call dominos yet? order cheesebourger pizza, is great!
PONIKAROVSKY: Nik, is your turn dis week
BLAKE: (from backstage, which is behind a shower curtain)Hey guys, when do I come out for the stupid animal tricks? You know, my spinny trick in the shootout and stuff?
ANTROPOV: we's no done wit vesa yet
PONIKAROVSKY: yes, quiet Jason Blake
BLAKE: quit calling me jasonblake. Just jason works
PONIKAROVSKY: but is your name, jasonblake, why you not like it when we call you your name? jasonblake
TOSKALA: is laiiike shake and bake
ANTROPOV:is good one, Vesa!
TOSKALA: So, when do we laaike get to talk about my cloths, i wore my laaike best micky mouse shirt
ANTROPOV:(looks at poni) Jasonblake, you is on now, do your spinny trick for camera
PONIKAROVSKY: Haha, like hamster wheel!
BLAKE:I don't know why, but people keep sending me this video of a hamster eating popcorn. I can't get that song out of my head
ANTROPOV:Hamster on a piano!
BLAKE: GAH I can't forget it it's burnt into my brain
ANTROPOV: is cute, little hamster dere
PONIKAROVSKY: is stupid, high voice is annoying. and where is dominos?
ANTROPOV: is not ordered yet, you has not picked up phone, cannot come if you not order!
PONIKAROVSKY: is still your turn! i bought last time
ANTROPOV:I buy, you order is how it goes, last time you buy i order you are ruining system
PONIKAROVSKY: Youse making stuff up! Ders is no system
ANTROPOV:Is clearly outlined in house rules, had serial killer college boy write up in english
PONIKAROVSKY: He noes kill people, i sees no bodies
ANTROPOV: Course he kills people, just looks like guy from show, show is messy, lots of bloods. Has lots of plastic wrap in car, told me they for leftovers, but is way more plastic wrap den one guy needs
BLAKE: Wait, are you guys talking about Dominic Moore? Well, he does kinda look like Dexter…nevermind, this is getting too weird, I’m out of here. (goes upstairs)
TOSKALA: uh guys is dat laaaike, de lenscap is still on?
BLAKE: (from upstairs) Sweet, who ordered the pizza?
PONIKAROVSKY: FUCK! Antro you forgot lenses cap is on
ANTROPOV: is not even mine camera! you forgots!
TOSKALA: Jason, what kind of pizza is it?
BLAKE: tastes like a hamburger...no a cheeseburger! (ANTROPOV And PONIKAROVSKY Look at each other)
ANTROPOV:I LIKES PIZZA
PONIKAROVSKY: I likes cheesbourgers...
ANTROPOV:how coulds you no like cheesbourgers?
PONIKAROVSKY: JASONBLAKE NO EATS OUR CHEESEBOURGERS PIZZA!
TOSKALA: I thought no one laaike ordered pizza, where did this come from?
ANTROPOV: Quite yous, you is spoiling moment
PONIKAROVSKY: is magic pizza fairy! (all run upstairs)
BLAKE: It was sitting right here on the table when I came up, there was a note too but the grease ruined it, the only part I could make out was love Pa Ku ina. What do you think that means?
ANTROPOV:Is Hawaiian pizza?
PONIKAROVSKY: is little white thing on dis piece, like tiny foot balls and is still good
ANTROPOV: I feels all tingly…
PONIKAROVSKY: Hawaiian cheesbourgers? Is weird is crazy!
BLAKE: here Vesa, have some magic pizza.
TOSKALA: I can't it laaaike wrecks my complexion
ANTROPOV:I can not feel my legs, pizza is good, dis reminds me of last time Hobo guy make us drinks
PONIKAROVSKY:jaaaaaayyyyyyaaaaasonblaaake, it feels funny on my tongue
BLAKE: I just realized your last name is Poni, like pooooony, you know the mini horse? poooony, whoa, the walls are melting
KUBINA:(watching through binoculars): excellent, plan is in effect
KABERLE: what you watching?
KUBINA: Uh...nothing, I thought you were looking at houses in Philadelphia
KABERLE: dat's just some dumb rumour in internet, is not true
KUBINA: Oh, I was all excited to meet dis Jeff Carter man, he look like he would enjoy nice roofie collada
KABERLE: roofie colada?
KUBINA: Is secret recipe. Yes, you had one last night, liked it much a lot. You no complain of your hand hurting anymore.
KABERLE: I don’t remember
KUBINA: That is point--you was so stressed I thought you'd like something relaxing (GRABOVSKI enters)
GRABOVSKI: Has you guys seen my pineapple? I was going to make crazy cake! is with pined apples and is upside down!
KABERLE: That is not cake, is mess, you just stab pined apple with big knife, is juice everywhere! Is sticky now
KUBINA: You say you was going to clean it, you not, maybe you need refreshing drink...for energy