Friday, February 20, 2009

Maple Leafs Chat: Still Smokin'

(special thanks to Archimedes for spiritual guidance)

:OMG you guys, we're playing Vancouver tomarrow!
sonofamitch: Vancouver? man, they always depress me
SchennSational: Yeah, it's always like vanzzzzz
StajanNotCajun:no you guys, you know who comes with Vancouver?
sonofamitch: hippies?
StajanNotCajun: NO! It's Mats and Kyle are coming back! they aren't Leafs anymore right?
stajanNotCajun: Oh Kyle, Like a big comfy pillow, but with a built in space heater
sonofamitch: yeah he heats LOTS of space, hahah
SchennSational: He always seemed the type to steal the covers, or do a dutch oven
stajanNotCajun: Yeah...I mean, uh. I guess. whatever
***SherrifOfWellwoodForest has entered the chatroom***
***sundinbloodySundin has entered the chat room***
StajanNotCajun: WELLEY!
stajanNOTCajun: / jumps for joy
sherriffOfWellwoodforrest: Matty!I got some great ideas, man. Me and Mats are gonna start up a weed themed bakery and call it "Wake N'Bakery"
sundinBloodySundin: yeah, it'll be great, Like, BC Brownies--
stajanNotCajun: BC Bacon brownies! cuz bacon makes things better
SundinBloodySundin: and Amsterdam apple crisp and...I think that's all we have so far
stajanNotCajun: I dunno, should we just spark up a bit, like we used to?
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: would you expect anything else from me?
SchennSational: Spark up? What’s—
sonofamitch: I’m down.
SchennSational: won’t doing drugs be bad for our bodies and careers?
SundinBloodySundin: dude, it’s the Leafs playing Vancouver: weed can only make it better
***SundinBloodySundin takes 2 puffs and passes the dutchie on the left hand side***
***SherriffofWellwooodforrest takes 2 puffs and passes the dutchie on the left hand side***
***stajanNotCajun takes 2 puffs and passes the dutchie on the left hand side***
SchennSational: /takes 2 puffs
SchennSational: HOLY DISHWAHSERS, this feels like a horse just kicked me in the chest
sonofamitch: come on, quit bogarting the pipe. Don’t be a dick, be a dude
***sonofamitch finishes it off***
SundinBloodySundin: man, I got munchies. Are there any taco bells here? Man I miss Taco Bell runs in Vancouver
stajanNotCajun: Fire in the Taco Bell! Hehehehehehehhhh….
SchennSational: Guys I dunno if my lungs remember how to breathe…
Sonofamitch: quit being such a whiny baby, Schenner
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: look guys let’s all head out and find some munchies somewhere
***Welcome to SherriffofWellwooodforrest car chatroom!***
Sonofamitch: hey there’s donuts back here!
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: yeah, I got a new recipe I’ve been tinkering with.
stajanNotCajun: then why is there a tim horton’s box?
SundinBloodySundin: there’s always a Tim’s box back there
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: well, I got kinda hungry while working on the weed-nuts and I figured eating more of those wouldn’t help—
stajanNotCajun: wait—“weednuts?”
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: they’re doughnuts! With weed in them! Strawberry flavoured weed, no less
Sonofamitch: that actually sounds pretty damn tasty
SchennSational: I can’t breathe! My throat’s like sand paper!
stajanNotCajun: anyone have anything liquid here?
Sonofamitch: Uh, I got this PBR I was drinking earlier. Will that work?
SundinBloodySundin: man, I can’t stop laughing. “SASSAFRAS!”
StajanNotCajun: holy shit, dude, that’s a great word. Like, you don’t even need to tell a joke, just say sassafras at me and I’m almost pissing myself laughing
Sonofamitch: hahahaha Sassafras?
SundinBloodySundin: Sassafras! ahahahaha
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Sassafras, sassafras, SASSAFRAS! HAHAHA Hey Matt?
stajanNotCajun: what?
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: SASSAFRAS!
SchennSational: COPS! OHhhhhhhhh nooooooo! They’re gonna know we where smoking demon weed and we’re gonna go to jail.
***SherriffofWellwooodforrest pulls the car over***
SundinBloodySundin: we’re not gonna go to jail
Sonofamitch: what if they take our sassafras?
SchennSational: they’re gonna smell it. Oh god! You guys! My brain is eating itself!
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: DUDE! Just everybody chill the fuck out! I got this
Supertrooper: good evening, any chance I could see you license and registration?
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: sure thing officer Ramrod
Supertrooper: what did you just call me?
stajanNotCajun: he looks like the guy from Supertroopers
Supertrooper: Yes, fine, I get that a lot. Littering and littering and whatnot.
SundinBloodySundin: Are you gonna beat Kyle?
Supertrooper: Meow mr. Wellwood, do you know what I pulled you over?
Sonofamitch : Did he just say meow?
stajanNotCajun:Shhh dude, he’s totally gonna do it, heehee
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Cuz you’re bored and it’s your job?
Supertrooper: Well, uh, dammit, kid don’t mess with me you will NOT WIN!
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Am I gonna get a ticket? I just don’t have any money on me to pay for one, but I could give you some doughnuts. Cuz yanno, like, you’re just gonna take the money I give you for a ticket for coffee and doughnuts, right? So I’ll be, like, saving you paperwork, yanno?
Supertrooper: well, I have been out here all night, I wouldn’t mind that box in the back.
SundinBloodySundin: Matty, Mitchell, pass that up
Sonofamitch: Rokay!
SchennSational: like, ok, man!
***Supertrooper has received box of Timmy Ho’s Doughnuts***
Supertrooper: Well, have a good night boys.
***Supertrooper has left the chat room***
stajanNotCajun: Wait, Luke, which box did you grab?
SchennSational: Like I dunno man, I just grabbed a box
SundinBloodySundin: Oh no, You could have given the officer the one with the weed in it
Sonofamitch: Ruh ro!
stajanNotCajun: let’s get out of here!
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Wait, the one with the weed should have only 6, the other one was a full dozen
SchennSational: Like Sorry Welly, me an Mitchell wanted some snacks so we ate them.
Sonofamitch: really rasty!
SundinBloodySundin : You two can eat a lot of doughnuts! I hope we can solve this mystery!
stajanNotCajun: what mystery?
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: Jinkies! Is that a ghost?
Sonofamitch: Ro no!
SchennSational: Like g-g-g-ghost!
SundinBloodySundin: that’s no ghost….it’s just Jason Blake!
***thumping noise***
SherriffofWellwooodforrest: did we just run over Jason Blake?
SchennSational: Like, I’m never hanging out with you guys again.


tugboats and arson said...

this was amazing. i love you ld.

Kriv said...

Supertroopers reference, awesome

Loser Domi said...

glad you guys liked it. I know it was fun writing it


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