Friday YouTube Gooodness (The extra O is for "O boy these are great")

Clip one: Well, I did a search for the song “Me Like Hockey” by Arrogant Worms (who are excellent, by the way.) The only videos for it were this and a really, really shitty MS paint montage. I couldn’t sit through they MS paint one—it was that bad. So instead, here’s the “Full Metal Alchemist” version.



Clip two: "Wayne Gretzky" by Goldfinger
I did a search for “Wayne Gretzky drunk” with the intention of finding the end interview of “The Boys on the Bus” which includes a drunken Gretz near the end, if I remember correctly. Instead, this was one of the first things to come up. Besides, haven’t we all wondered what it would be like to have sex with the Great one?



Clip Three: Bryan McCabe "Tribute" (quotes are mine)
This is stolen from www.pensionplanpuppets.com (great folk over there.) I saw this and couldn't stop giggling through it.

...this...sucks...

I..am...so...pissed...off...right...now...

oops

I forgot to note that the verse spoken when Chuck Norris comes from here. It's an awesome cartoon, and I love the song--I guarantee it will stay on your head ALL DAY LONG. But it's ok because it's so great. Enjoy!

Go Puck Yourself

(So sorry for the long post, but I can't figure out how to do a jump yet. Again, I apologize.)

Imagine, if you will, a world in which Darcy Tucker and Tie Domi are given a television talk show to host. This is what I think that world would be like.


Announcer Guy: …and now here are the hosts of “Go Puck Yourself”, Darcy Tucker and Tie Domi! (Darcy and Tie walk out onto a stage that is minimally decorated, but with 2 chairs and a large sack and sit down. Imaginary audience cheers and applauds.)
Darcy Tucker: ‘Morning
Tie Domi: How’s it goin’? (etc.)
Tucker: So yeah, welcome to Go Puck Yourself. I’m Darcy Tucker and he’s Tie Domi
Domi: But enough about us— let’s start the show. (opens a sack filled with letters) Today’s letter comes from Eric VanDerLing of Sookasoul, Wisconsin. Eric asks, “Dear Darcy, would you ever engage in a cage fight with Sean Avery for charity? I think it would be kick-ass.” The guy’s right—it would be pretty kick-ass.
Tucker: For charity? Hells’ bells, I’d do it for free, especially after the cancer thing.
Domi: It was a supremely douchey move, to say the least.
Tucker: It totally was! Now I have to get him back somehow, I have to … (thinking)
Domi: I smell burning, Tucks.
Tucker:I got it! Domi-what’s the only type of joke that’s even more crass than a cancer joke?
Domi: A dead baby joke?
Tucker: Um…besides that. You know what it is? An AIDS joke! It’s so simple! All I have to do is somehow infect Sean Avery with AIDS and then we can makes AIDS jokes about him. That’ll show him to make fun of Jason Blake!
Domi: How does that mean you win? Yeah making fun of cancer isn’t cool, but infecting someone with a deadly disease is just…cruel and heartless. It’s just wrong, Tucks. It’s wrong!
Tucker: If Avery had thought of it first he would use it!
Late on at Avery’s place…
Domi: What are we doing here, again?
Tucker:What does it look like? I’ve got this bucket of AIDS infected blood and I’m going to throw it at Avery when he opens the door.
Domi: Where did you…I shouldn’t even ask.
Tucker: Hammerspace is a wonderful thing, Domi
Domi: I meant where did you get…never mind.
Tucker: (rings doorbell) Housecleaning!
Domi: Mormons!
Tucker: No, Domi—we’re trying to get him to open the door, remember?
Domi: What’s with this “we” business? Screw this, I’m getting out of here. (Domi leaves, Sean Avery opens the door and walks out)
Avery: Hello…that’s a bucket of blood you’re going to throw at me, isn’t it? Lovely cashmere throw for protection!
Tucker: SHIT! Not the lovely cashmere throw!

Angels sang out in immaculate chorus
Down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
Who delivered a kick which could shatter bones
into the crotch of…

Avery: (screams in terrible pain)
who fell onto the ground writhing in pain
Avery: NOO!! No longer will I be able to bone hot blonds!
Tucker: Nice work, Chuck—(Chuck Norris administers a double-reverse-roundhouse kick to Tucker, who then falls on the ground, bloody and unconscious. Domi enters from behind a potted plant of some sort.)
Domi: Thanks for coming in, Chuck. I was afraid that was going to get out of hand really easily. And oh yeah, Chuck, could you do one more thing for me? (Domi attempts to squirt lemon juice into Chuck’s eyes to get him to cry but gets a punch in the face instead. Chuck walks away)
Chuck: You think I would fall for the old, "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer" bit? I beseech you, Domi
END

Wednesday Bar Joke: November 14, 2007

In an attempt to find its identity as a blog, The Wonderful World of Loser Domi will be trying out different regular features to see how the audience of six will react. With this feature, I’ll share a joke that somehow involves some entity in a bar. Let me know what you think in the comments.

A seal walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sure thing--what'll you have ?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."

(joke stolen from www.lotsofjokes.com)

Monday Night Hate Speech (not THAT kind of hate...)

In an attempt to find its identity as a blog, The Wonderful World of Loser Domi will be trying out different regular features to see how the audience of six will react. With this feature, I’ll start a rant about something that has been annoying me for some time. Today’s topic: hand dryers.

I loathe you, hand dryers. Why? Because you’re useless, annoying and one of the most irritating inventions ever. I’ll explain:

First, hand dryers go on for thirty seconds (trust me, I’ve timed this.) What really bugs me about this is that when most people use a hand dryer, they rub their hands for maybe 5 seconds and then walk away. I don’t know why people do this as your hands are never dry in that amount of time. Hell, I’ve stayed under for the full thirty seconds and my hands still remain wet. I’m not an expert, but think about it—if a person leaves after 5 seconds, that mean that there are 25 seconds of wasted hot air being pumped out by these little machines. Now, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that if you add up all the hand dryers on, say, a university campus, and figure a bathroom is being used many times a day, that adds up to a lot of hot air being wasted. This wasted electricity can’t possibly be good for the environment, which is one of the main arguments there for hand dryers (it says so on the thing itself.)
Hand dryers are also useless if you spill something or in the event of a sink overflow. I present the following scene as a dramtic re-enactment:

“Oh no, I spilled my coffee on the floor! *pushes button on the dryer, waits for thrity seconds*
*pushes button on the dryer, waits for thrity seconds*
*pushes button on the dryer, waits for thrity seconds*

And so on. I suppose in a situation like that you could use toilet paper, but in my experience, if you’re in a place that uses a hand dryer, the toilet paper there is that thin-as-a-heroin-fiend stuff that turns into a soupy, sloppy mess if you so much as look at it the wrong way.
About the only use a hand dryer might have is if you have cold hands and need a place to warm up. Maybe they should install hand dryers in doctor’s offices. It certainly would have made my physical today a little more pleasant. Then again, I get the impression that hand dryers are filthy apparatus. I don’t know why this is, since there are plenty more germ-laden surfaces in a bathroom like the door handles, the faucets and such.

What really steams me is that due to hand dryers, I canot participate in the “official” way to wash my hands to prevent the spread of flu and other such germs. Here’s a picture of an official Government of Québec poster:



Now, let’s look at it closer, so you can read it:



I can follow this….


I’m with you so far, Government of Québec….


Ummm…what’s that I see? It looks like a paper towel!


You’re asking me to do the impossible! There ARE NO PAPER TOWELS HERE!


I am now in direct violation of the recommendations of the government—thanks a lot, you over-glorified air vent.
So fuck you, hand dryers. Fuck you very much

Loser Domi Presents...The Realistic Fan

I've always wondered what would happen if the below situation were to happen. It's especially interesting to think of it because of where I am. It's southern QC, so it's deep Canadiens territory, but then through the university, we get get lots of people from the Toronto (Leafs fans) and Ottawa (senators) areas. Needless to say, I've been witness to several Habs vs.Leafs vs. Sens arguments at bars and whatnot. That's usually when I shout out "Go Whalers!" to mess with some heads. Sometimes it works, but they usually just give me an odd look and then continue arguing among themselves.