Monday, September 8, 2008

A Player's Perspective: Alex Ovechkin




To continue with my experiment, I am re-writing typical fanfiction from a player’s perspective. This time, I’m doing something a little different—I’m rewriting an actual dream I had once from the perspective of Alexander Ovechkin. Let me know in the comments or email me if you have a suggested target.

One night some group asked me to speak at a dinner party or banquet or something. I couldn’t figure out why they wanted me since what I was supposed to talk about had nothing to do with hockey. To be honest, I don’t remember what I had to talk about. Whatever. Afterwards there was this dinner party type thing—you know, where you walk around and talk to people with little plates of little cheeses and fruit and stuff? It was one of those. It wasn’t really a party, you know, there wasn’t even no disco ball or anything.

I met a kinda cute girl there. We talked for a little bit, even though it was sort of awkward. She seemed really nervous, like I was going to eat her or something. I would never do such a thing—especially since she didn’t seem to have much meat on her anyway.

She said, “You know I actually write a hockey blog? Well, it’s not really a hockey blog. I mean, I write about hockey but, like, in a fun sense. I, uh, rewrite movies and stuff like that but with hockey players and funny stuff.” She sighed and added, “Ok fine, it’s basically fanfic but I’d like to think it’s written better than most other fanfics. I mean, I don’t make the players fall in love with me or with each other. I’m on quite a few blogrolls and face book.”

Anyway, I said to her, “Really? I don’t think I know it. What’s it called?”

She says, “It’s Loser Domi. You see, I named it after the player Tie Domi, only I’m not a tie, I’m more of a loser.”

I told her, “Why are you not Winner Domi? You shouldn’t speak so bad about yourself like that.

She said, “It’s so I’m not bragging. I try to be a humble person.” Like I said, she was really nervous. The way she was talking I could have thought she’s Will Leitch’s lost sister or something. Maybe she should do decaf or something. Anyway, we talked for a bit longer and she mentioned how she was moving (who talks about that at a cool party? Whatever) and how she didn’t know if she would have a refrigerator.

I told her “Well, I just bought a new refrigerator. You could have my old one.”

She says, “Oh no, you don’t have to do that. It’s far too generous for someone you just met.”

I told her, “No, you know, it’s just sitting around, you know, I want to see someone who needs it get use of it.”

The next day, I called a moving company and had them get the refrigerator. I wrote a little note saying “Hallo! This is for my Winner Do mi! Have fun! Ovie, 2008 (drawing of a happy guy.)”

12 Comments:

Chemmy said...

I bet his fridge is filled with ridiculous fucking goals that he didn't have enough time to score.

"Leftovers again Ovie?"
"Look kids, this between the legs backhand shot between Luongo's legs is still plenty good."

wrap around curl said...

Will Leitch's lost sister, hahahah. So good.

I just know the fridge Ovie gave you was filled with vodka.

Loser Domi said...

chemmy: You know the Tampa Bay lightning would be plenty glad to have this shot between Luongo's legs"

wrap: Yea, the sad part is I am like that when I'm really nervous. The fridge would definitely need cranberry juice as well.

Jaredoflondon said...

you are totally clinical.

Don't ever change.

"Dave Schultz" said...

bloody brillant once again. I may or may not want to live in your dreams if they are like this hahaaa

MF37 said...

An interesting dream...when I was in Uni a pal of mine bought a used refrigerator from a guy that lived in his condo down at Bay and Wellesley.

It turned out to be Leafs d-man Dave Ellet. The thing was totally covered in Winnipeg Jet stickers, hundreds of 'em.

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