Maple Leafs Chat: TomasKaberle's Bad Night

***Welcome to the Official Chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs***
Schenn_Sational: Man, I have such a headache!
SonOfAMitch: Yeah, I’m really feeling last night.
DeathKabs_4_QT:What happened?
White Lightning: Me, Schenner and Mitchell were hanging out. We were having a Smash Brothers Tournament
Schenn_Sational: We must’ve had like 36 pixie sticks each!
DeathKabs_4_QT: In a row?
SonOfAMitch: and like 6 Red Bulls and a LOT of cookies
White Lightning: We didn’t get any sleep, we were just, like, bouncing off the walls from so much sugar.
Schenn_Sational: I don’t even remember much, I just remember I somehow won with Zelda
DeathKabs_4_QT: You guys, that’s not a bad night. Let me tell you about a bad night
***Welcome to flashback chat, two seasons ago, outside of some random titty bar***
SundinBloodySundin: Man, I hate waiting in lines!
DeathKabs_4_QT: I know! I cannot believe a place like this has a line!
McCable_and_Ready: I’m cold and hungry…and horny
***BaaaadMuthaTucker and Pavel_Road haven entered the chat room!***
BaaaadMuthaTucker: Wow Bryan, The missus let you out!
McCable_and_Ready: She said as long as I looked but didn’t touch she wouldn’t cut my balls off.
DeathKabs_4_QT: I thought she did already. *snicker*
SundinBloodySundin: So why are you two so late?
BaaaadMuthaTucker: well, Pavel here had to make a pharmacy trip and he didn’t know where it was and—hey wait a sec, we’re only like 3 minutes late!
Pavel_Road: /grunts
Pavel_Road: stupid Swedes gots to be right early for everthing and makes the rest of us look like douches. Whatever. Who wants a Vicodin?
McCable_and_Ready:I do! I want one!
DeathKabs_4_QT: No you don’t. Vicodin makes you all weepy and I don’t want to babysit you again.
SundinBloodySundin: Hey, we can go in now! Pay the man, Darcy.
BaaaadMuthaTucker:….What?
DeathKabs_4_QT: did you think the captain of the Leafs pays his own way into strip clubs?
BaaaadMuthaTucker: What about you and McCabe?
McCable_and_Ready: A’s don’t pay either.
BaaaadMuthaTucker: Does Captain Hobo Beard pay to get in?
Pavel_Road: Of course!
Pavel_Road:/hands envelope of painkillers to bouncer
***all enter Titty Bar Chat room!***
DeathKabs_4_QT: I don’t know why I even bother coming out anymore. You pay to get in, you stand around in a dark room and pay to drink overpriced alcohol…it’s just a good way to waste money.
SundinBloodySundin: Then why do you come out?
DeathKabs_4_QT: well, somebody has to watch McCabe
DeathKabs_4_QT: Bryan! Leave that woman’s ear alone!
Bar_keep: Why are you pulling my ear?
McCable_and_Ready: But her earrings are so dangly and shiny!
Announcer: Let’s hear a round of applause for Amber!
Bar_goers: /scattered applause
Announcer: Now on the main stage give it up for Taffy!
***TaffyTheStripper has entered the chat room***
TaffyTheStripper:…Pavel?
Pavel_Road : I think I knew you as Karamela, but hi!
BaaaadMuthaTucker: wait, you two know each other?
Pavel_Road : You win a cup it means it’s raining hot bitches
McCable_and_Ready: Oh man! I don’t have any paper money…
BaaaadMuthaTucker: What kind of idiot goes to a titty bar without paper money? Actually…don’t answer that.
McCable_and_Ready: well, it looks like all have is this pocket of loonies and toonies. Oh well—MAKE IT RAIN!
McCable_and_Ready: /throws change at TaffyTheStripper
TaffyTheStripper: Ow! OW!! What the hell?
BaaaadMuthaTucker: More like make it hail!
TaffyTheStripper: /slips on change
TaffyTheStripper: /sprains ankle
SundinBloodySundin: Oh, shit! the manager’s coming, let’s get out of here!
***all exit the titty bar!***
McCable_and_Ready: Hey guys…what’s that place over there?
BaaaadMuthaTucker: “Skybow”? I’ve never heard of it.
SundinBloodySundin: Wow! The chicks are so desperate they’re dancing with each other!
DeathKabs_4_QT: Guys, I have a bad feeling about this…
***all enter Skybow chat room***
Bar_keep: What in the hell do you boys think you’re doing in here?
DeathKabs_4_QT: This is a lesbian bar, isn’t it? Hehe, you see, my friends didn’t know that and we’re just on our way out, right guys?
Bar_keep: Oh boys we don’t care about your parts, but all we care about is that all 5 of you are pylons for the Leafs. This here is a Sens bar!
Unseen_Lez: Go Sens go!
***bar_keep is now brandishing a baseball bat***
***all exit the Skybow Chatroom***
DeathKabs_4_QT: I told you guys that was a bad idea!
BaaaadMuthaTucker: A lesbian Sens bar? That’s a new one…
Pavel_Road: Oouf! What the—oh ok, I just tripped on that pile of newspapers.
SundinBloodySundin: That’s not a pile of newspapers, it’s a homeless man!
McCable_and_Ready: And it’s not just any homeless man—that’s Aki Berg!
Aki_breaky_berg: ….spare…change….?
SundinBloodySundin: Man, seeing Aki like this is just depressing.
Aki_breaky_berg: ….meth…doesn’t…buy….it…self
DeathKabs_4_QT: I dunno about you guys, but I’m just gonna go over here—
Aki_breaky_berg: Crackhead…army…assemble!
***Crackhead_army has descended on Pavel_Road, McCable_and_Ready, SundinBloodySundin, BaaaadMuthaTucker and DeathKabs_4_QT***
***Crackhead Army has beaten the everloving crap out of Pavel_Road, McCable_and_Ready, SundinBloodySundin, BaaaadMuthaTucker and DeathKabs_4_QT***
SundinBloodySundin: I think that was the fastest I’ve ever seen Aki move.
Pavel_Road : yous guys, get off me…
McCable_and_Ready: I don’t think my elbow is supposed to bend like that…
BaaaadMuthaTucker: dammit they stole my wallet!
Pavel_Road : They stole all my vicodin!
DeathKabs_4_QT: That’s it! I’m done, screw you guys, I’m going home! Getting beaten up by crackheads is where I draw the line!
***welcome back to present chat!***
SonOfAMitch: Holy crap, Kabs.
Schenn_Saitional: That IS a terrible night!
DeathKabs_4_QT: And that was all BEFORE the cops showed up. Apparently lying on the sidewalk in pain is loitering or something.
White Lightning: Man, I feel terrible for you.
DeathKabs_4_QT: Don’t worry about it. Someday, if I’m REALLY sad, I’ll tell you about the time Aki Berg saved Christmas.