Maple Leafs Chat: Stache-Dance, What a Feeling!

***Welcome to the official chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs!***
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: Well boys, I’ve been watching you in the preseason, and I have to ask, WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU?
MaiHartWilDion: Coach Wilson, if I may suggest something as captain…
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: IT’D BETTER BE GOOD!
MaiHartWilDion: I think the reason we’ve been underperforming is…we need to grow bitchen’ staches.
I_RON_BUTTERFLY:…
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: FOR FUCK’S SAKE—
KesselRun81Parsecs: Dude, I’ve always WANTED a bitchen’ stache!
Komi_Kazi: Yeah, moustaches for all!
Hey_Kule_aid: /stares blankly ahead
Caputi_Call: Yeah, we can grow staches and look like firefighters!
MonstersBall: Or somebody’s dad!
Komi_Kazi: We can even do it for cancer stuff. It’ll be great!
Death_Kabs_4QT: Excuse me, but I do not understand how growing moustaches will help our game.
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: Well, Kabbie, you would kinda look like Freddie Mercury if you had a mustache.
Death_Kabs_4QT: …and that’s awesome.
BrownGoesBrown: I think I can help you guys out here…
Komi_Kazi: Wait, who are you?
BrownGoesBrown: I’m Mike Brown. I’ve been playing with you guys this whole preseason.
MaiHartWilDion: Nah, you can’t be Mike.
BrownGoesBrown: Why not? I’ve been Mike my whole life!
MaiHartWilDion: Nah, it’s just that we already have a Mike, We can’t have two Mikes. People will get confused. Your new name is Sprinkles.
Komi_Kazi: Sprinkles…I like it.
BrownGoesBrown: But why do I have to be Sprinkles?
Komi_Kazi: I was Mike before you were.
BrownGoesBrown: O..kay, but why Sprinkles?
MaiHartWilDion: I dunno. I figure it’s funny to be able to say stuff like “Good goal, Sprinkles!” and “Kick his ass, Sprinkles!”
BrownGoesBrown: I think it might be a bit demeaning and insulting, is all.
I_RON_BUTTERFLY: Quit causing trouble, Sprinkles!
MaiHartWilDion: See, that’s why I’m captain.