Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Time to Say Goodbye: Loser Domi

My Dear Readers,

I don't usually complain, but I cannot keep silent any longer. I'm tired of false hopes and underperforming. I'm tired of watching the Toronto Maple Leafs and I'm VERY tired of writing about them.

I'm tired of the fans who stick by the team, no matter what. You know, those delusional morons who think opinion is fact and who can't seem to realize that the Leafs have not won the Stanley Cup--or even gone to the Finals for the Cup--since 1967 (43 years is a lot longer than I've been alive.) The leafs don't even have a first round draft pick for the next two years! How are they going to stop sucking when their cupboard is bare? I'd have to be a survivor of brain damage to stay aboard this sinking ship. That's why I, Loser Domi, am officially changing my allegiance to a team committed to a future of winning:

That's right, I'm an Islanders fan now. Actually, to be perfectly honest, there is another, more special reason why I have switched teams. I have met someone who fulfills me more than YouTube, dick jokes and slash fic COMBINED:
John and I started talking on Facebook after being connected through our mutual friend, Kevin Schultz of Barry Melrose Rocks. John and I will be married within the year and I will give up blogging in order to fully devote myself to the relationship. Here's the ring he gave me:

Kevin, I look forward to your drunk and embarrassing speech at our reception. And to everyone who has read me, thanks--that was fun.


general borschevsky said...

Either this is a cruel April Fool's joke or this is the most awful thing that's ever happened on the internet.

buddha hat said...

I'm not sure which is more disturbing - the contents of the post or the familial resemblance between LD and JT. I hope your children don't suffer from the whole genetic intermingling issue. Good luck on the Island.

Where are you registered?

Fergus30 said...


blurr1974 said...

Nice fold...I mean rack...err. Rock. Nice rock. Ya. That's the ticket.

Anonymous said...

you`ve got to be kidding. you been meeting him thru facebook chat? .... well leaf fans are a bit over the top and you have definitely blown a gasket for anyone you`ve yet to spend some real time with. you still have what it takes... come back to leaf nation!

kidkawartha said...

Well, LD, it's been a slice. Now this is important- when all your Islander friends tell you JT is going to be the greatest thing ever in the marriage bed, in reality, it might take a couple of years for him to "get up to speed".

Sergei Puckizin said...

Sorry to hear this THU, APR 1, 2010, we'll miss you.
What's your next serial, Ask Matt Moulson?

CGLN said...

Oh, ha ha ha.

qte & mm said...

No way. Tavares doesn't swing that way.

He's into bestiality. You know, zoophilia.

Anyway. He humps penguins.

Louie said...

It's poor form to do an April Fool's prank 2 hours early.

Loser Domi said...

all you guys are such fun, and to the new people, thanks for coming in!

buddha hat: Holy crap...the resemblance IS scary in those two pictures. We're registered at the NHL shop and McDonald's.

KidK: good to know

Sergei: I do save myself only for awkwardly endearing Leafs players or first round draft picks. By the way, how's Phil Kessel doing?

qte & mm: I always figured he wouldn't even know what sex is.

Louie: nothing wrong with a head start.

McSwarley said...

You really had me for a minute.

Ah, St April Fool, the patron saint of gullibility.


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