Maple Leafs Chat: Betcha Can't Eat Just One

***Welcome to the official chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs!***

KesselRun81Parsecs: Hey guys! I just found out they got Cadbury crème eggs out again!
MaiHartWillDion: Dude, crème eggs have been out for like, at least a month.
MonstersBall:  Cream and eggs?
KesselRun81Parsecs: Yeah! I got a box of a hundred of them. Have some, Jonas!
MonstersBall:  I don’t know if I should…
MaiHartWillDion: Come on, Jonas. They’re like awesome wrapped in chocolate.
KesselRun81Parsecs: Doncha have these in Sweden?
MonstersBall:  We do, it’s just that my mother would never let me have any. She said they had far too much sugar in them.
BallinToTheWallin: He’s just worried about what his mommy might say.
MonstersBall:  …
MonstersBall:  My mom’s dead, you asshole.
BallinToTheWallin:  Oopsie doodles.
MaiHartWillDion: Seriously, dick move, man….
BallinToTheWallin: Well, my mom said the same thing. She said something so messy couldn’t be good for you.
KesselRun81Parsecs: Ah, come on guys. Sweden’s all the way in Russia or something.
MaiHartWillDion: And Rickard, you’re almost 30, for God’s sake. You have to cut the cord sometime.
MonstersBall:  This is good point.
BallinToTheWallin: Oh well…bottoms up, I guess
***Several hours later, at Hooker Harvey’s…***
KomiKazi: Jonas? Wallin? Are you guys OK? Wake up, guys!
MonstersBall:  AHHHHHH! WHO ARE YOU?
BallinToTheWallin: COBRAS!
KomiKazi: It’s me, Mike Komisarek. What are you guys doing in this burger joint full of hookers?
MonstersBall:  What are YOU doing here?
KomiKazi: I , er, uh….shoulder rehab always gives me the munchies for something greasy and delicious.
BallinToTheWallin:  The stuff here isn’t good for your body at all.
KomiKazi: It’s good for the soul, Wallin. And you still didn’t answer my question.
BallinToTheWallin:  I…I don’t know. Last night, Phil Kessel gave us a bunch of cream eggs—
MonstersBall:   Like a hundred cream eggs in a box.
BallinToTheWallin:  And then I ate one, and another, and some more, and then…
MonstersBall:  …then there were little foil wrappers all over the place and then it was light out and  we ended up here.
KomiKazi: Bullshit. Cream eggs don’t do that to anyone. Cocaine, absinthe or tequila might, but if that were the case you would be missing pants.
BallinToTheWallin:  I HAVE PANTS?
KomiKazi: Yes, you do.
MonstersBall:  I am aware of my pants.
KomiKazi: So wait, is sugar and chocolate like cocaine for you guys?
BallinToTheWallin: …
MonstersBall:  Maaaaaybe.
KomiKazi: Man, Swedes are weird. Wait a second. If you guys split a hundred eggs, how are you not puking or in a diabetic coma right now?
MonstersBall:  I don’t know. I just ate one and then some more and I just kept going.
BallinToTheWallin: DEAR GOD, WHAT’S THAT?!
KomiKazi: That’s a ketchup stand.
MonstersBall:  AHHH! NO!
KomiKazi: I know some people don’t like ketchup, but that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?
BallinToTheWallin: It’s a dwarf hobo! I think he’s opening a portal to Hell!
MonstersBall:  AND EATING A BABY!
BallinToTheWallin: /attacks ketchup stand with vicious slapfight maneuvers
Harveys_Manager: /throws BallinToTheWallin, MonstersBall:, and KomiKazi out of the Harvey’s
KomiKazi: Nice going, guys. Now I’m probably banned for life from Harvey’s. I didn’t even get to finish my burger.
BallinToTheWallin: WHAT IS ON MY HANDS?
MonstersBall:  Did he kill a hobo?
KomiKazi: /Rolls eyes
KomiKazi: Yes, Rickard. You killed a hobo. Just stright up, stone cold murdered a dude.
BallinToTheWallin: AHHHHH!
MonstersBall:  I don’t know you!
BallinToTheWallin: /wipes hands on every available surface
KomiKazi: Nah, I was just messing with you—
BallinToTheWallin: what will these hands never be clean?