(SCENE: PHIL KESSEL is at a store where ATTENDANT, a young man in his early 20s, is standing next to a box marked “Toys for AIDS and Cancer stricken orphans” )
PHIL KESSEL: Let’s see, I got the lights, the tape, wrapping paper…OH! The toy drive! Jeez, I knew I forgot something. How long will you guys be here? I’d love to give toys to AIDS and Cancer having orphans.
ATTENDANT: Actually…(sees BIKER GUY in distance give a “secret signal”) We’re closing up shop right now (starts packing up box)
KESSEL: What? But I really want to help out the poor orphans who have both AIDS and cancer! I really want to donate!
ATTENDANT: (hurriedly) No, no, we’re just fine, We gotta go now! No need to follow! (leaves)
(later, after practice, KESSEL tells some of the guys what happened earlier)
KESSEL:…And then he just ran out with the box! Isn’t that weird?
JASON BLAKE: That is pretty odd.
JAMAL MAYERS: We should ask around to see what’s up. Guys like us could really brighten things up for those orphans.
(The next day, at night, in an abandoned warehouse. MAYERS has brought several teddy bears, BLAKE has brought some pens and a few pads of graph paper, and KESSEL has brought hockey gear, all to be donated.)
KESSEL: Jason, are you sure this is when the guy said we should come?
BLAKE: Of course I’m sure. Dizzy D said he’d never lie to me, even if he did seem a bit twitchy, now that I think about it.
MAYERS: I got a bad feeling about this place.
KESSEL: Hey! It’s the donation box at the store earlier! Awesome! (MAYERS, BLAKE, KESSEL all place the goodies they brought inside of the box)
MAYERS: Hold on guys, this teddy bear in here has its head almost all the way off. We can’t give that one to sick kids.
KESSEL: Wait, there’s something in the body…(digs around inside the body.) OMIGOD it’s a baggie of cocaine!
BLAKE: And this “doll baby bottle” is probably a vial of heroin!
MAYERS: And this educational example of quartz is just crystal meth!
KESSEL: Who would do such a thing? What kind of monster would give toys full of illegal drugs to sick orphans? (gunshots from the dark hit BLAKE from behind)
BLAKE: (screams in pain as he slumps down dying) AHH! (whispered) 40…goal…scorer…(dies)
MAYERS: Phil, get down! (they duck behind the box of toys as BIKER GUY and ATTENDANT appear)
ATTENDANT: Man, oh man, we’re gonna need a new location, boss!
MAYERS: Look, scary biker guys, what’s going on? Why is Jason Blake dead? Why are you giving drugs to orphans?
BIKER GUY: You just happened upon the Hell’s Angels! It’s the best way we could think of to secretly transport drugs all over the country—nobody’s gonna be suspicious of people bringin’ toys for sick kids anywhere. And now, you gonna die! (loads and locks gun)
Will Phil Kessel and Jamal Mayer make it out of the Hell's Angels alive? Tune in next time for the conclusion of Part 3 of Holiday Kesstacular!