Thursday, August 13, 2009

Maple Leafs Chat: ESL 101


***Welcome to Stajan's Place, playing NHL '09 chat room!***
StajanNotCajun:
I scored on you, Johnny! Take that!
WhiteLightning: Nice! Can you fist pump in this game?
Schenn_Sational: Wait, guys...we're hockey players. Am I the only one who thinks it's weird we're playing...ourselves?
SonOFAMitch: Nah, it's not weird, 'cuz I can punch Matty in the face all day long and not get tired. It's awesome!
StajanNotCajun: Jerk!
***PoniRides4ABuck and Grab_Bag have entered the chat room!***
***PoniRides4ABuck has dumped off Grab_Bag!***
PoniRides4ABuck:
SUCKERS!
***PoniRides4ABuck has left the chat room!***
Grab_bag:
Allo Comerades!
WhiteLightning: Ah crap, Ponikarovsky dumped Grabovski on us! Matty, you got any papers you can put down?
SonOFAMitch: Fuck, I'm gonna get fuckin' rabies or something, aren't I?
StajanNotCajun: Come on guys! Grabbo's not a puppy or something, he's just Belorussian.
Schenn_Sational: Yeah, it can't be that hard.
StajanNotCajun: That's what she said!
Grab_Bag: I nos understands "is what she said." Mine english is no good, all broke to shit.
WhiteLightning: Well, what's so difficult to understand, Grabbo?
Grab_Bag: Is Luke who says that, and he has stubble, Adam's Apple, big hands...probably huge cock like horse. Luke is not she, all HE!
StajanNotCajun: "That's what she said" is an expression, it's not a literal thing. It's like...."raining cats and dogs"--cats and dogs don't actually fall from the sky.
Schenn_Sational: Basically "that's what she said" is a sentence that, if someone said it somewhere else, it'd sounds kinda...dirty.
SonOFAMitch:It sounds like something a lady might say before, during, or after you're fuckin' her.
Grab_Bag: But who am I fucking? Who is SHE? Do I pick? I pick...Carmen Electra!
StajanNotCajun: You don't need to actually fuck anyone for "that's what she said" to work.
Grab_Bag: Ahwww...I wanted the Electra...
WhiteLightning: No, Grabbo...like Matty said, it's not a literal thing. It's a pun--you know, a play on words?
Schenn_Sational:It's a pun on a few different levels...here, let me get some paper and a few different colors of markers...
***2 hours later...***
Schenn_Sational:
Now, does that make any more sense, Grabbo?
SonOFAMitch: My head hurts...
StajanNotCajun: So much grammar...
WhiteLightning: I'm not sure I understand "That's what she said" any more.
Grab_Bag: A little more sense...no. Not really.
StajanNotCajun: Aw, screw it! I got Die Hard movies and beer. Those don't need much translation. Who wants to order pizza?
Grab_Bag: Yippee-Ki-yay, motherfucker!
Schenn_Sational: See Grabbo, your English is already getting better!

6 Comments:

Emily Lee said...

One of the most successful educational sites in Korea is http://www.worknplay.co.kr/ You can come to Korea easily to teach English.

sleza said...

awww... poor confused little Grabbo

Zack said...

A) I heartily encourage you to go to Korea and teach this kind of English

B) ...are the Maple Leafs playing themslves in NHL '09?

Lori said...

Best line "probably huge cock like horse"

So good. I was laughing out loud.

bkblades said...

Heh, I feel like Emily Lee is pretty serious about you taking the Leafers to Korea for English lessons, LD. This post must have triggered the database of all sorts of Teach English overseas.

Loser Domi said...

emily Lee: something to think about...

Sleza: Grabbo does need some help with English...do you think he could use a tutor? :P

Zack: you know that scene in Good Morning Vietnam, when Robin Williams is trying to teach "Real" English? Imagine that, only with mw and in Korea.

And I wouldn't put it past the Leafs to play themselves in NHL '09.

Lori: I didn;t make you lose tea or soda, did I?

BKBlades: I doubt they'd hire me

And don't worry about me writing about Stempniak so much. Someone mentioned how whenever I give a player a show, he leaves (Tucker, Travles with Carlo, Antro poni awesome show). I figured, I try it again

 

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