Friday Youtube Yoinkage, November 28, 2008

For today's FYY, I decided to do a tribute to Pavel Kubina

Clip one: Pavel talks about his hometown Ostrava, Czech Republic. in other words, CZECH MAN TALKING SHUT UP SO'S I CAN LISTEN AND DROOL


Clip two: generic "edgy" music + vids of Pavel Kubina hitting people = instant tribute!



Clip three: some kid named Justin Kubina "fails at life". I have no idea if he's related, but if he is, that makes it awesome

Maple Leafs Chat: Stajan Needs a BFF

***Welcome to Maple Leafs Chat***
StajanNotCajun: You guys…
***StajanNotCajun’s status is now “I has a major sad”***
StajanNotCajun: Alex, Carlo, I miss you guys so much already! Why do all my friends keep getting traded?
FullSteenAhead: We’ll keep in touch, Matty . We’re good friends
Coco_puffs: I’mma be honest, I’m not good at facebook and stuff like that. It’s nothing personal Matt.
StajanNotCajun: This sucks so hard. St Louis might as well be in Russia or something. I mean, WEST conference? That’s like 3 times zones away
FullSteenAhead: I’m going to miss the Family Guy marathons and all the times your girlfriend “Accidentally” loaded your iPod full of Beyonce music
StajanNotCajun: I’m going to miss the pillow fights, even though you guys cheated all the time
White Lightning: How the fuck do you cheat at a pillow fight?
Coco_puffs: I’m going to miss filling Whitey’s skates with shaving cream and baloney…man, that feels like it was just yesterday
White_lightning : That was yesterday, you asshole!
Coco_puffs: It wasn’t me this time! I swear
White_lightning : Aww…I couldn’t stay mad at you…you’re like a big, cuddly splodey-boned Eye-talian teddy bear
Coco_puffs: Matt …maybe you should have auditions for your new BFF
StajanNotCajun: You mean like “the Bachelor” but with me looking for dudes?
FullSteenAhead: Yeah! You could try to find some new best friends
StajanNotCajun: Isn’t that just like if your kid’s puppy dies and you buy a new puppy without them knowing?
Coco_puffs: not really since you knew about it ahead of time
StajanNotCajun: What do you want me to do? Hand out roses or something?
FullSteenAhead: you could hand out beers.


**welcome to Find Stajan a New BFF Chat room***
FullSteenAhead: SO what kind of skills could you bring to the relationship?
Trusty_tlusty: mad BFF skillz… I haz dem
StajanNotCajun: such as…?
Trusty_tlusty: I heartz peellow fights n being in ur room eeting ur chocklets
StajanNotCajun: Ok, that’s always a plus.
Trusty_Tlusty : i haz mad photo skillzz 2. i'z full of mad skillz
*** Trusty_tlusty has just been sent down to the Marlies***
StajanNotCajun: Well, shit.
Shake_n_blake: I could be your friend, Matt! We have lots in common
StajanNotCajun: like what?
Shake_n_blake: like we both like hockey…and…uhhh…we’re really pale…and uhhh….I like stuff. DO you like…stuff?
StajanNotCajun: I’ll think about it, ok?
Tosking_Heads: The Vesa would like to be BFFs with you, MattStajan. The Vesa and MattStajan could be shopping buddies and stay up all night giggling and doing each other’s hair
StajanNotCajun: Uhhhh…ok.
White_lightning : Hey Matt, uhhh….
StajanNotCajun: yeah Ian?
White_lightning : Could I be your BFF? I mean, It's hard to believe…That I couldn't see you were always there beside me, you know, Thought I was alone With no one to hold—
StajanNotCajun: Dude, are you quoting “High School Musical” at me?
White_lightning : NO! I’d never do anything do wussy and stupid! Besides, how’d you even KNOW it was High School Musical, you a pussy or something?
StajanNotCajun: I wouldn’t, but I guess I just got lucky and guessed. It’s not like I’ve seen all of them seventeen times each or anything!
White_lightning : And I totally don’t fall asleep to the songs playing on a loop every night, wuss.
StajanNotCajun: you suck!
White_lightning : no, YOU suck!
StajanNotCajun: /lingering tension…

Friday YouTube Yonkage, November 21, 2008

I'd like to do a few dedications to some of my fellow bloggers/Barilkospherians today. I don't do dedications very often and if I leave you out, I'll just get you next time.

I'd like to dedicate this first video to my Wake and bake boys Archimedes (Big Smoke Sports) and Eyebleaf (Sports and the City). Jon LaJoie's "High as Fuck":



I would like to dedicate to my second clip to Jaredof/from London (Die Hard Blue and White)I'm pretty sure in his perfect world, there exist Seven Seas of R(h)ye, and not just the Queen song that follows:


To Chemmy and PPP, for maintaining a very fine Toronto Maple Leafs blog, I dedicate to you the finest song of all:

Maple Leafs Chat: Vancity/Boston edition

***Welcome to the Official chat room of the Toronto Maple Leafs!***
Chat Archive 15 November, 2008

I__Ron_Butterfly : OK BITCHES I GOT AN IDEA OF HOW TO CREATE A BETTER CULTURE FOR OUR TEAM. I GOT THIS CHORE JAR HERE NOW ALL YOU GUYS TAKE ONE PIECE OF PAPER AND THAT’S YOUR CHORE FOR THE NEXT GAME.
StajanNotCajun: Chore jars are so lame.
Coco_puffs: Lame!
I__Ron_Butterfly : QUIET YOU HOSEHEADS. NOW EVERYONE TAKE A PAPER
*** I__Ron_Butterfly has distributed CHORE_JAR to all the members of the chat room***
Antrobot_80000: “use you huge ass to your advantage”? I thinks I gots that
Rebel_Yell: “Don’t kill anyone, but feel free to rough them up” O…k
Coco_puffs: “Don’t explode”? Are you trying to say something, Ronnie?
Tosking_Heads: “wear retard hat”? what the hell does that mean?
I__Ron_Butterfly : EVERY GAME THERE HAS TO BE THAT ONE LEAF WHO MAKES PEOPLE GO “IS THAT GUY FUCKIN RETARDED?”
White Lightning: Retarded as in, “Let’s Get Retarded” retarded?
I__Ron_Butterfly :NO! RETARDED AS IN LICKING WINDOWS AND RIDING THE SHORT BUS RETARDED
FullSteenAhead: But why do we need the retard player? Can’t all of us, you know, not suck?
I__Ron_Butterfly :THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M TRYING TO DO. EVERY OTHER TEAM IS TRYING TO HAVE ALL THE PLAYERS NOT SUCK. OTHER PEOPLE WILL SEE THAT COMING WE NED TO SURPRISE THEM, CATCH THEM OFF GUARD
Tosking_Heads: Ron, that makes no sense at all
Coco_puffs: That’s quite possibly the worst strategy I have heard
Coco_puffs: Ow! Dammit, I got a paper cut
I__Ron_Butterfly : THAT’LL LEARN YOU BITCH
StajanNotCajun: Please, Ron, you’re scaring me…
Rebel_Yell: I think my ears are ringing

Chat archive: pregame 17 November 2008
I__Ron_Butterfly :OK GUYS CHORE JAR TIME AGAIN
StajanNotCajun: I still say this is still a lame idea
*** I__Ron_Butterfly has distributed CHORE_JAR to all the members of the chat room***
FullSteenAhead: “Don’t explode”. Phew, one I can do
Rebel_Yell: “Retard Hat”? I find this term offensive
White Lightning: I used to get that one all the time, now I just get “don’t kill anyone”
Tosking_Heads: “Use your huge ass to your advantage”. Did you just say I’m fat? Is it these pants ? It’s the pants that make me look fat, isn’t it?
Antrobot_80000:No Tosk is your ass dat makes your ass look big
Coco_puffs: hah, good one
Antrobot_80000: “ Don’t explode” ? He puts in multiples of this one?
I__Ron_Butterfly : MULTIPLE PEOPLE NEED TO STOP EXPLODING ON OUR TEAM
StajanNotCajun: “Stop being such a damn wuss”? Ron—
I__Ron_Butterfly : GAME TIME BITCHES
***Toronto Maple Leafs have entered a game against the Boston Bruins***
***The Boston Bruins have defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs***
I__Ron_Butterfly :TOSKALA GET OVER HERE
Tosking_Heads: Coach, I knows I as not so good—
I__Ron_Butterfly : YOU FRIGGEN SUCKED OUT THERE TONIGHT AND IT WASN’T EVEN YOUR TURN TO WEAR THE RETARD HAT
Tosking_Heads: I guess I sleep on de couch tonight, huh?
I__Ron_Butterfly : YOU MUST EARN SLEEPING ON THE COUCH YOU GET TO SLEEP UNDER THE COUCH JUST FOR THE RYDER GOAL
Tosking_Heads: But coach, what about the defence and –
I__Ron_Butterfly : UNDER THE COUCH
Tosking_Heads: I has a sad now…
*** Tosking_Heads is under the couch**
Tosking_Heads: cool! I found a Starburst till in the wrapper under here! That means it’s still good right?
I__Ron_Butterfly : GIVE ME THAT!
I__Ron_Butterfly: /takes Starburst
I__Ron_Butterfly : CURTIS JOSEPH WOULD APPRECIATE THIS MUCH MORE THAN YOU
*** I__Ron_Butterfly has left the room***
Tosking_Heads: Never have the words of simple Plan been so accurate for Toskala…
World_of_Raycroft: Welcome to my world...

LOLeafs: West Coast swing edition (sort of)

I realized I hadn't done one of these in a while, so it looks like I'll do a weekly recap or something with these. Let me know how that'll work. As usual, all photos stolen from Yahoo! NHL page.



(for those not in the now, Nightmare Moose refers to this guy, frequently seen over at PPP)

Friday YouTubeYoinkage, November 14, 2008

Dammit, I need to plan these things out more.

clip one: 100 movie spoilers in 5 minutes. Hockey connection: uuh...they do mention the Mighty ducks. Does that count?



clip two: ChiCity's great advice that "Keeping your refrigerator stocked will get you many women" Hockey connection: ummmm...hockey people like drinks too?


clip three: Pavel Kubina (as a Lightning and looking less like a bum) beats up a member of the Boston Bruins. Sunshine, lollipops and unicorns for all!

Tomas and Jiri's Night of Prague Glamour

(SCENE: TOMAS KABERLE and JIRI TLUSTY have been invited to the Consulate General of the Czech Republic in Toronto. Inspiored by photos here and here)

KABERLE: now, have you ever been to something like this

TLUSTY: Why isn’t Kubina here? Isn’t he more of a higher up player than I am?

KABERLE: I asked him if he was going to come and he said he was washing his hair tonight. I told him, “You have it shorter now, it should not take that long, and he said “no, I have a process.” So, have you ever done anything like this before?

TLUSTY: I dunno. Maybe. I am a wild and crazy guy after all.

KABERLE: Whatever, just don’t screw this up, ok? (jiri kabs table)

TLUSTY: Just don’t screw up writing your name man

KABERLE:I can’t possibly spell my name wrong—

TLUSTY: Just don’t screw it up--

KABERLE: K-A-B-U-R-R-L-E—well, crap! At least I’m an athlete, so if I just scribble that’s ok

TLUSTY: Ha ha! I got you to spell your name wrong OK, I’ll be in the bathroom, I’ll be back. (leaves)

KABERLE: oh well

GLOVES LADY: Oh hello, you’re Tomas Kaberle, aren’t you?

KABERLE: Why yes, yes I am.

GLOVES LADY: Oh you’re even more handsome in person than when I see you playing hockey on television.

KABERLE: uhhhh….thanks?

GLOVES LADY: Did you know I had a cat that I named after you?

KABERLE: Really? Um, thanks—

GLOVES LADY: Poor thing died, tough—ran out right into oncoming traffic

KABERLE: Oh, that’s too bad…

GLOVES LADY: Then I had Tomas Kaberle II, but he died terribly as well—he jumped into a ceiling fan and died.

KABERLE: (mumbled) maybe it was suicide…

GLOVES LADY: I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.

KABERLE: That’s too bad. I’m sorry to hear about your cat.

GLOVES LADY: Oh I simply must have a picture with you and my friends. Is that ok?
?

KABERLE: No.

GLOVES LADY Why, thank you! Everyone get in here! (group photo)

KABERLE: Oh, if you;’ll excuse me I think I see some old friends of mine, George and Yortuk . I have to go over and say hi…

(everyone leaves, KABERLE sits with CREE ELDER) Oh good, she’s gone. Thank you for coming and giving such a good speech

CREE ELDER: Thank you, Mr. Kaberle, and might I add that there is an old saying in Cree. Roughly translated, it means that “he who succeed at the cross-ice pass can lead his squad to victory, but only if he is skilled at other events as well.”

KABERLE:uhhh…o…k. Thank you for the advice.

CREE ELDER: And remember to play well in the corners, don’t be afraid to act mean and…I had a third thing I was going to say but I forgot it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I should go home. I don’t want to miss “CSI: Miami”

KABERLE:Yeah, you don’t want to miss David Caruso. (CREE ELDER leaves, TLUSTY returns)

TLUSTY:Tomas, this night is not going so well…

KABERLE:What do you mean?

TLUSTY: People either think I’m Pavel Kubina and tell me what I’m doing wrong or say stuff like, “it was nice of you to put pants on.”

KABERLE:This night just keeps getting weirder and wose the longer it goes on. I saw this Cree guy, had on like 12 rings. He must have won the Stanely Cup of Cree like 12 times.

TLUSTY:Oh well, at least there are pretty girls we can look at. Yeeah!




TLUSTY: (whispered to KABERLE) Tomas, I jus forgot, I don’t know how to talk to girls.

KABERLE: uhhh…just act like you would act on your Stalker book (TLUSTY pokes the model standing next to him)

MODEL: Did you just poke me?

TLUSTY:Me? Of course not? Why would I do something so silly? Heh, heh…(whispered to KABERLE) Tomas, it’s not working. Besides this mega raging boner is killing me.

KABERLE: Uhhh…think about having brain cancer! That should kill any boner you have

TLUSTY:Hey! It worked! Thanks man!

GLOVES LADY (from afar) Yoo-hoo! Tomas!

KABERLE:OH shit, she found me again! Hide me! She’ll start in about her cats that kill themselves

TLUSTY:What, huh?

KABERLE:Just hide—(to GLOVES LADY) oh, Hi, so good to see you again…

GLOVES LADY: DO you mind if I squeeze in here?

TLUSTY:Hey Tomas, your wife’s gonna be so jealous of your new girlfriend…

KABERLE: (through clenched teeth) Shut up, Jiri (announcement for winners of a silent auction thingy that took place earlier)

TLUSTY:Hey Tomas, check out my big stick, haha!

KABERLE: Shut it Jiri. Besides those are MY sticks with my signature on them

TLUSTY:But it’s coming from my crotch. Hehehehe

KABERLE: (to self) Dear God, kill me, kill me no

Friday YouTube Yoinkage November 7, 2008

Today I celebrate what may be the best video ever on teh Youtubes. but first...

clip one: The inspirational "Boom di yada" video


Now, allow me to explain. There was a thread over at this fine Toronto Maple Leafs blog that somehow got in a discussion of bacon. the next day Blurr1974 posted this photo of a bacon tuxedo. I of course, HAD to raise him, and posted Diet Coke with bacon. With this, the Bacon wars had begun between Blurr and I to see who could find the most ridiculous bacon themed product. It culminated in this thread, many lulz were had, and there was much bacon. Winkle created his own take of the "boom di ya da" Discovery Channel thing and turned it into Bacon yada.

Music by Burr, Video by PPP's younger sister...it's awesomeness


Clip two: BACON YADA!


clip three: MOAR BACON YADA!

new blog and new post

Check out Getting Nifty IN the Clutch! I write there as well as here, in fact, I just put up a new post over there. Check it out!

Halloween at Carlo's

(NOTE: due to highly secretive and probably illegal methods, I bring to you the Maple Leafs' Halloween Shindig, 2008!--LD)

(SCENE: CARLO COLAIACOVO’S apartment. COLAIACOVO is dressed as Mario. IAN WHITE enters, also dressed as Mario)

COLAIACOVO: Why the Hell are you dressed as Mario? We agreed, I was gonna be Mario, and you were gonna be Luigi

WHITE: Fuck Luigi. Luigi sucks!

COLAIACOVO: That’s why I wanted to be Mario and not Luigi.

WHITE: Screw you then! Maybe I’ll be Wario so’s I can atomic fart on your face! Filthy fuckin’ Eye-talians, anyway! (leaves)

(Knock at the door. COLAIACOVO answers it and MATT STAJAN, dressed as Sailor Moon and ALEX STEEN, dressed as generic emo kid, enter)

COLAIACOVO: Hey guys. Nice legs, Matt—no homo

STAJAN: Well, Alex and I had a bet and the loser had to go out in drag, soo…

STEEN: I still can’t believe you thought that you could get pregnant from drinking Dr. Pepper

STAJAN: Shut it, emo boy!

STEEN: But I’m so full of angst!

STAJAN: So why did Ian White looked so pissed off when he left?

COLAIACOVO: Oh, he’s just mad he wasn’t gonna be Mario. Don’t worry about it (Knock at the door, COLAIACOVO answers and PAVEL KUBINA, totally naked, enters)

KUBINA: ‘sup?

COLAIACOVO: Kubie…why are you naked?

KUBINA: It’s my custume. I’s a nudist

COLAIACOVO: Dude, being naked does not count as a costume. Come back when you have an accrual costume (closes door. Knock at the door, COLAIACOVO answers and sees KUBINA, naked and holding a cell phone)

KUBINA: Jiri Tlusty?

COLAIACOVO: Doesn’t count—get a real costume. (shuts door. Knock and DOMINIC MOORE enters, dressed in a dark long sleeved thermal shirt totally wrapped in plastic wrap and leather gloves) http://ifyouwriteit.blogspot.com/2007/11/darkly-dreaming-dexter-on-showtime.html

MOORE: Hey Carlo. Why isn’t Kubie in here? Nice legs, Matty

COLAIACOVO: Kubie didn’t have a costume. He just showed up naked.

STAJAN: Why do people have to keep mentioning my legs?

STEEN: Because you’re wearing such a short skirt. God, you’re such an attention whore.

STAJAN: Dom, I don’t really get your costume

MOORE: Well, I’m Dexter

STAJANY: you mean, like, in Dexter’s Laboratory?

MOORE: No, no, nothing like Dexter’s Laboratory

STEEN: If I really were emo, I’d write a poem about it called “Stabby Stab Stabpants”. (knock at the door, COLAIACOVO answers and sees WHITE in a Colaiacovo jersey with bandage around his head, fake blood coming out his ears, one arm in a sling and on crutches )

COLAIACOVO: Ian, you’re a douche. Seriously.

WHITE: How do you like it when White lightning strikes, bitch?

MOORE: That’s actually mildly funny.

STAJAN: nicely played, dude.

STEEN: What the…is Pavel Kubina back…and still naked? (KUBINA enters naked but with “LIFEGARRD” and a cross painted in his chest, wearing sunglasss and a hat)

KUBINA: I’s a lifeguard at nude beach. Is a costume, I phoned Kabby and he says yes.

STEEN: Where the hell is Kabby anyway? I haven’t seen him anywhere lately

STAJAN: You know, I haven’t seen him anywhere either.

WHITE: Where is ANYONE? We can’t seriously be the only ones here.

STEEN: talk about being full of fail. We’re failtacular, guys!

STAJAN: Wait a second….it’s a bunch of guys and I’m the closest one to a girl…this isn’t a gay orgy is it? I won’t take part in a gay orgy!

MOORE: Well, to be honest, you do have pretty eyes

STAJAN: Dammit, not again.

STEEN: tortured sigh…