(NOTE: due to highly secretive and probably illegal methods, I bring to you the Maple Leafs' Halloween Shindig, 2008!--LD)
(SCENE: CARLO COLAIACOVO’S apartment. COLAIACOVO is dressed as Mario. IAN WHITE enters, also dressed as Mario)
COLAIACOVO: Why the Hell are you dressed as Mario? We agreed, I was gonna be Mario, and you were gonna be Luigi
WHITE: Fuck Luigi. Luigi sucks!
COLAIACOVO: That’s why I wanted to be Mario and not Luigi.
WHITE: Screw you then! Maybe I’ll be Wario so’s I can atomic fart on your face! Filthy fuckin’ Eye-talians, anyway! (leaves)
(Knock at the door. COLAIACOVO answers it and MATT STAJAN, dressed as Sailor Moon and ALEX STEEN, dressed as generic emo kid, enter)
COLAIACOVO: Hey guys. Nice legs, Matt—no homo
STAJAN: Well, Alex and I had a bet and the loser had to go out in drag, soo…
STEEN: I still can’t believe you thought that you could get pregnant from drinking Dr. Pepper
STAJAN: Shut it, emo boy!
STEEN: But I’m so full of angst!
STAJAN: So why did Ian White looked so pissed off when he left?
COLAIACOVO: Oh, he’s just mad he wasn’t gonna be Mario. Don’t worry about it (Knock at the door, COLAIACOVO answers and PAVEL KUBINA, totally naked, enters)
COLAIACOVO: Kubie…why are you naked?
KUBINA: It’s my custume. I’s a nudist
COLAIACOVO: Dude, being naked does not count as a costume. Come back when you have an accrual costume (closes door. Knock at the door, COLAIACOVO answers and sees KUBINA, naked and holding a cell phone)
KUBINA: Jiri Tlusty?
COLAIACOVO: Doesn’t count—get a real costume. (shuts door. Knock and DOMINIC MOORE enters, dressed in a dark long sleeved thermal shirt totally wrapped in plastic wrap and leather gloves) http://ifyouwriteit.blogspot.com/2007/11/darkly-dreaming-dexter-on-showtime.html
MOORE: Hey Carlo. Why isn’t Kubie in here? Nice legs, Matty
COLAIACOVO: Kubie didn’t have a costume. He just showed up naked.
STAJAN: Why do people have to keep mentioning my legs?
STEEN: Because you’re wearing such a short skirt. God, you’re such an attention whore.
STAJAN: Dom, I don’t really get your costume
MOORE: Well, I’m Dexter
STAJANY: you mean, like, in Dexter’s Laboratory?
MOORE: No, no, nothing like Dexter’s Laboratory
STEEN: If I really were emo, I’d write a poem about it called “Stabby Stab Stabpants”. (knock at the door, COLAIACOVO answers and sees WHITE in a Colaiacovo jersey with bandage around his head, fake blood coming out his ears, one arm in a sling and on crutches )
COLAIACOVO: Ian, you’re a douche. Seriously.
WHITE: How do you like it when White lightning strikes, bitch?
MOORE: That’s actually mildly funny.
STAJAN: nicely played, dude.
STEEN: What the…is Pavel Kubina back…and still naked? (KUBINA enters naked but with “LIFEGARRD” and a cross painted in his chest, wearing sunglasss and a hat)
KUBINA: I’s a lifeguard at nude beach. Is a costume, I phoned Kabby and he says yes.
STEEN: Where the hell is Kabby anyway? I haven’t seen him anywhere lately
STAJAN: You know, I haven’t seen him anywhere either.
WHITE: Where is ANYONE? We can’t seriously be the only ones here.
STEEN: talk about being full of fail. We’re failtacular, guys!
STAJAN: Wait a second….it’s a bunch of guys and I’m the closest one to a girl…this isn’t a gay orgy is it? I won’t take part in a gay orgy!
MOORE: Well, to be honest, you do have pretty eyes
STAJAN: Dammit, not again.
STEEN: tortured sigh…