Due to shifty and highly illegal means, I have obtained the summer itineraries of several members of the Toronto Maple Leafs. I feel obliged to share them with you here:
Tomas Kaberle: creating a way to travel to the moon without using fossil fuels
Andrew Raycroft: stocking up on razor blades and watching this since the real thing won't be happening this summer
Kyle Wellwood: after a disappointing season, he will spend the summer finding a way to “Rickroll” the ACC Jumbotron on opening night. In the event he gets traded, his last game will feature “2girls1cup”
Bryan McCabe: will spend at least a day staring at a section of aluminum foil, telling his wife, “Look honey, there's a guy who looks just like me in our kitchen!” Or possibly holding a never ending party.
Darcy Tucker: Kick Sean Avery's dog, light Daniel Alfredsson's golf clubs on fire, and send Mike Peca a box of chocolates
Johnny Pohl and Dominic Moore: after taking the stage names of "Jason Spezza" and "Sidney Crosby", respectively, they will star in the soon-to-be-classic adult title "Sin Bin Sluts: 5 for Fucking". Alex Steen will assist them by being "the guy who holds the microphone, so that way I won't be the one getting herpes" (his words not mine)