Wednesday, November 3, 2010
(MEANWHILE at PHANEUF's place, KABERLE is having a very rocking party featuring many of the other Leafs and members of the Marlies.)
LUKE SCHENN: (dressed as Garth Brooks) Gee, Jonas, your costume's really cool looking, but I don't quite get it.
JONAS GUSTAVSSON: (dressed as a set of wind chimes.) Thank you. I got idea after Giguere saw pictures of my girlfriend. He said something like, “You two are so skinny, when you get it on, it must look like a set of wind chimes.”
SCHENN: Kabbie, where did you get all of this beer and other stuff? This is fantastic!
KABERLE: I know! I just found it under that cabinet over there. It looks like someone went to Costco a few days ago. Which is weird, because Phaneuf and some of the other guys went on a beer run.
(PHANEUF, CUTHBERT, KESSEL, and BOZAK enter)
PHANEUF: Kabbie, whats going on?
CUTHBERT: Where did all of the guys come from?
KABERLE: They just showed up! And oh, it turns out, you had enough beer all along. You must have forgotten.
KESSEL: Really? That's awesome!
UNSEEN LEAF: FLIP CUP, MOTHER FUCKERS!
BOZAK: YEAH! (leaves to join flip cup game)
CUTHBERT: That's right, honey. We did that Costco trip a few days ago.
KESSEL: Costco makes beer now?
BOZAK: I AM THE FLIP CUP MASTER BITCHES!
KESSEL: WHOO BOY! FLIP CUP (Leaves to join game of flip cup)
PHANEUF: Huh...so I guess it all worked out in the end.
(Suddenly, SEAN AVERY, dressed as Lady Gaga, enters the room. The great times and loud music suddenly stop as an uneasy silence blankets the room)
SEAN AVERY: 'Sup sluts?
PHANEUF: Avery, what the hell are you doing here?
AVERY:It's off-ice time, muffhump. I'm looking for some sweet relaxation. And by “sweet relaxation”, I really mean stealing your ladies and grinding every piece of pussy until my dick falls off.”
PHANEUF: Hey, that's my line! I am the one dressed as the My New Haircut guy!
CUTHBERT: Sean, I think it's better if you leave right now.
AVERY: Nah, it's cool. Where's that Mike Cumsock or Jizzrag or whatever the fuck dumbass Polack name he has? I wanted to tell him how much that dumb, ugly twatwaffle can't fight or skate worth a shit.
CUTHBERT: Sean, listen to me. You really need to cut this shit out. I know you like the attention, but that's because you're a whore for it. And you're not even a good whore. In terms of whoredom, you're like the whore who gives out handjobs for fifty cents in back of a Denny's. That's why I left your ass in the first place. Maybe you need help from an actual professional. But all I know is I'm not the kind of professional you need. Neither is the NHL disciplinary board.
AVERY: Hush girl, you know you still want this.
CUTHBERT: Ew, no. I just got that cleared up.
PHANEUF: I'm gonna, I will smash your face into a jelly!
AVERY: (sarcastically) Oooh! I'm , like, totally scared of the Maple Leafs! What are you gonna do, dry up and blow away?
(PHANEUF walks to AVERY and punches AVERY repeatedly in the face. AVERY is knocked unconscious.)
PHANEUF: Well, now that Cunty McHookerface is out cold, what do you say we break out the sharpies and saran wrap him to the balcony? It's what you do to the first person out, right?
KABERLE: But Brett Lebda has been passed out on the couch for 20 minutes.
PHANEUF: Pfft. Lebda don't count for shit.