Maple Leafs Chat: Curse Storm

KesselRun81Parsecs: You guys, I’m goin’ kinda stir-crazy from not playing hackey…
MaiHartWillDion: Yeah, I know what you mean. You can only work out so much before it gets to you.
KesselRun81Parsecs: Uh, yeah, working out… that’s totally what I meant.
KomiKazi: Let me guess, you’ve been drinking beer, eating doughnuts and playing Xbox since the last practice went out, haven’t you?
Schenn_Sational: Mike, why aren’t you wearing a shirt?
KomiKazi: What? It’s freakin’ hot out here, and shirts hinder my ability to have the most intense workouts ever.
KesselRun81Parsecs: And to answer your question, no, I have not been just playing Xbox.
MaiHartWillDion: It’s true. I can verify that Kessel’s a PS3 man, through and through.
KesselRun81Parsecs: Gah, Mike, quit bein’ such a mother douchebag!
KomiKazi:..Douchebag?
KesselRun81Parsecs: I’m sarry about douchebag, Mike, I got low blood sugar.
Schenn_Sational: Geez, I hate “douchebag”. It has no meaning to it.
MaiHartWillDion: What are you talking about?
Schenn_Sational: It’s just “douchebag” gets thrown around so easily, it loses the intensity. The guy that takes forever deciding what kind of coffee to get? Douchebag. The people in charge of BP who let all of that oil spill into the Gulf? Douchebags.
KomiKazi: Dirty cops? Douchebags
MaiHartWillDion: Anyone involved in “Jersey Shore”? Douchebags.
KesselRun81Parsecs: There are 6 billion douchebags on this planet right now.
Schenn_Sational: That’s exactly my point. “Douchebag” gets thrown around so readily, it might as well be another word for “human.” Someone needs to make a new swearword that’s stronger than “douchebag.” A word that means something.
MaiHartWillDion: Hell, we don’t have anything to do in the offseason besides workout and stuff. We might as well try.
KesselRun81Parsecs: Except we ain’t exactly Oxford dictionary.
KomiKazi: Nah, it’s no problem. Did you know that in French Québec TV, they use fuck and other English swear words, no problem?
Schenn_Sational: Really?
KomiKazi: Yeah, but you can’t use the church words. The French swears are still not ok but if you want to tell someone “fuck off” it’s ok. It’s something about how English swears are about shit and sex and the French swears are about church.
MaiHartWillDion: For real?
KomiKazi: Yeah. French people are weird. They got a different word for everything!
KesselRun81Parsecs: How can they understand each other, then?
KomiKazi: Beats me.
Schenn_Sational: Hmmm…now that I think about it, we do have a lot of shit and sex swears, and combinations of shit and sex.
KomiKazi: Which are totally gross together…but dammit, “shit” is versatile. What smells like shit? Where’s my practice shit? What the shit just happened in here? Plus, everyone shits, so it’s not sexist or racist or anything like that.
KesselRun81Parsecs: Whatever we use should have “ass” in it. Ass is a solid curse word and part of bigger words.
MaiHartWillDion: So “Shitass”? I dunno, it doesn’t seem very inspired.
Schenn_Sational: Maybe we can’t analyze and come up with a word. It’s just so contrived and forced. No, it has to be organic and…flowy.
KesselRun81Parsecs: That’s why douchebag works so well. It has no meaning, but it just flows and it fits.
Schenn_Sational: I got it! Everyone finish this sentence: “Chris Neil is a …”
KesselRun81Parsecs: Assbutt?
KomiKazi: Shit-twiddler?
Schenn_Sational: Dork Monger?
MaiHartWillDion: Douchebag
Schenn_Sational:/siiiigh….