Monday, December 1, 2008

Travels with Carlo: Customs Calamity

(SECNE, CARLO COLAIACOVO, ALEX STEEN, and ALEX’S WIFE SOPHIE are all inside of a customs/immigration office building)

COLAIACOVO: Hey folks, welcome to another episode of “Travels with Carlo”
SOPHIE: Who is he talking to?
ALEX: I have no idea—he does this all the time
COLAIACOVO: I’m here with Alex and his wife…uh…Lady Steen, and were inside the actual customs office since Alex’s dual Swedish/Canadian nationality kinda complicates things
CUSTOMS OFFICER: So, Mr. Steen, you were born in Manitoba, Canada, correct?
ALEX: Yes, sir, but I spent a lot of my childhood in Germany and then Sweden
CUSTOMS OFFICER: So you were born in Manitoba, raised in Europe…how the Hell did you end up with such a Yooper accent?
ALEX: I don’t know sir, just don’t kill me, please.
CUSTOMS OFFICER: Oh, that’s ok, I was just curious. Anyway, do any of you have any alcohol or tobacco?
ALEX: Nope.
SOPHIE: No, sir
COLAIACOVO: (chuckles) I’m not sure about tobacco or alcohol, but Alex might have like 1200 grams of weed, a few hits of X and a few knives shoved up his butt (Swarm of IMMIGRATION OFFICERS takes ALEX to a back room for questioning)
ALEX: CARLO! You BITCH! I’ll KILL you!
CUSTOMS OFFICER: OK, so Mr. Cola—Calyaya—Cookahasky…do you have any sort of weapons, you know, guns, knives, mace…
COLAIACOVO: (holds up arms in classic body builder pose) THESE are MY guns! (Swarm of IMMIGRATION OFFICERS takes COLAIACOVO to a back room for questioning)
SOPHIE: OH , I know what you’re doing, sir! You are going to give him and my husband tickets to the Immigrations Officer’s Ball
CUSTOMS OFFICER: Ma’am, Immigration officers don’t have balls…on second thought, guys, bring her in for further questioning, too.

16 hours later…
SOPHIE: You stupid boys! We could have gone through that with lots less difficulty if you just kept your mouths shut!
ALEX: Good God, I feel so dirty and violated…
COLAIACOVO: (not so cheery) Well, folks…that was our introduction to life in St. Louis…
ALEX: Carlo, I’m totally killing you in your sleep
SOPHIE: I don’t like St. Louis
COLAIACOVO: Well, folks, that’s all the time we have for this episode of “Travels with Carlo.” Thanks for watching!

8 Comments:

"Dave Schultz" said...

"THESE are MY guns!"

epic.

Zack said...

All I can think now is "Mr Cookahasky please pick up the white courtesy phone, Mr Cookahasky to the white courtesy phone."

blurr1974 said...

I'm gonna miss travels with Carlo...

Archimedes said...

I want to marry you

eyebleaf said...

I miss Carlo. And Alex. And Sophie.

And, umm, I think Arch likes you!

sonny said...

Crazy shit man

Loser Domi said...

"Dave schultz": I had a family friend who seriously did that with border guards. They didn't appreciate his humor.

Zack: mr. Cookahashsky appreciates it

blurr:I miss Carlo just for that reason

Arch: I'm sorry but I just can't get married right now

eyebleaf: I'll miss them all, and I'm ok with Arch liking me if he's not emailing/calling/etc me all the time or waiting outside my window

sonny: Welcome!

Anonymous said...

But LD, you're okay with me waiting outside your window, right?

- Mabel

 

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