Monday, October 20, 2008

An Open Letter to Matt "Matthew" Stajan

Dear Matt Stajan,


Look, we seriously need to talk. I know this season isn’t easy for you. I mean, you were w healthy scratch and all, and I know that must be hard for you. I’m not a hockey player—hell, I’ve never even been on a team in any sport. I know it must royally suck for you but…I could understand it.


I’m not saying you’re a bad person or anything like that. I mean, you’re a much, much better player than most of the people out there and you’re good to media people. That’s not an easy task, especially with the team as it is. I know you do charity things with the little kids and it’s really sweet of you. Even though I usually don’t like little kids, I think it’s really nice and caring of you.

It’s just that lately I’m not all that impressed with you. Like I said, I’m not saying you’re a bad person or anything. I’m not mad, I’m just…disappointed. You’ve done good work in the past-maybe not the best, but the bar is set high. It’s just that the way that you’re playing makes me feel, how do I say, unfulfilled. It really makes me sad since I know you could probably do better—not break all the records better, but better than you are now. I suppose I’m really afraid that any really good moves you’ve done were just flukes and you really aren’t such a great player.


Dammit, I know there are more complete players on the team out there. I know there are tougher hitters, better faceoff people, better plus/minus guys just better…hockey players out there. Like I said, I’m not mad or anything and I’m not totally throwing you out just yet. I just think we need…a bit of a break, you know? A bit if a breather for a while.


Does this suck? Yes, of course it does and I’m sorry and--


Oh dammit, not the fuck me eyes. You know I can’t say no to—



Ok, Fine, You’re right. Alex Steen is in no way a better all around player. And sure, I’ll help you out on your rent again. It’s been 5 months in a row, but I don’t mind. Sure, you can always crash on my couch. If you’re hungry, I think there’s some left over mac and cheese in the fridge. *siiiiiigh*



(glovetaps to the magic of Google image search and Facebook for the pictures)

8 Comments:

eyebleaf said...

You've got to let him go LD...you've just got to let him go. Fuck me eyes be damned!

wrap around curl said...

Domi, you must resist!

fuck/screw tank nation said...

No shit eh? The only reason people want him still around is because he is a great guy and of good character. Plus chicks dig him and his slowly balding cranium.

Please, I've seen better hockey players in Junior B.

Jaredoflondon said...

stupid sexy Stajan

Dayna said...

How dare he go and help little kids - doesn't he know what that does to my perception of him? Now I'll probably have to draft him onto my fantasy hockey team (he can play with Marty St. Louis aka NHL token nice guy) which, I might add is not going well based on my "nice guys first" drafting strategy.

I'm not in the market to like the Leafs, Matt Stajan, so can't you go steal a purse or something?

Winkle said...

You posted his pictures too early, I got lost in his eyes and couldn't read any further.

eyebleaf said...

"stupid sexy stajan"

i think that is the most apt phrase when it comes to our boy matty.

stupid fucking sexy stajan.

*sigh*

Loser Domi said...

I don't know why you guys enjoyed this post o much. According to people at the hockeybuzz.com forums, it's unfunny and a "minor fail"

But hey, I also got over 300 hits in one day because of that, so Im fine with it.

 

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