Dear Matt Stajan,
Look, we seriously need to talk. I know this season isn’t easy for you. I mean, you were w healthy scratch and all, and I know that must be hard for you. I’m not a hockey player—hell, I’ve never even been on a team in any sport. I know it must royally suck for you but…I could understand it.
I’m not saying you’re a bad person or anything like that. I mean, you’re a much, much better player than most of the people out there and you’re good to media people. That’s not an easy task, especially with the team as it is. I know you do charity things with the little kids and it’s really sweet of you. Even though I usually don’t like little kids, I think it’s really nice and caring of you.
It’s just that lately I’m not all that impressed with you. Like I said, I’m not saying you’re a bad person or anything. I’m not mad, I’m just…disappointed. You’ve done good work in the past-maybe not the best, but the bar is set high. It’s just that the way that you’re playing makes me feel, how do I say, unfulfilled. It really makes me sad since I know you could probably do better—not break all the records better, but better than you are now. I suppose I’m really afraid that any really good moves you’ve done were just flukes and you really aren’t such a great player.
Dammit, I know there are more complete players on the team out there. I know there are tougher hitters, better faceoff people, better plus/minus guys just better…hockey players out there. Like I said, I’m not mad or anything and I’m not totally throwing you out just yet. I just think we need…a bit of a break, you know? A bit if a breather for a while.
Does this suck? Yes, of course it does and I’m sorry and--
Oh dammit, not the fuck me eyes. You know I can’t say no to—
Ok, Fine, You’re right. Alex Steen is in no way a better all around player. And sure, I’ll help you out on your rent again. It’s been 5 months in a row, but I don’t mind. Sure, you can always crash on my couch. If you’re hungry, I think there’s some left over mac and cheese in the fridge. *siiiiiigh*
(glovetaps to the magic of Google image search and Facebook for the pictures)