Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Sid vs. Kid?

There’s a poster outside of the Tim Horton’s here on campus. I’d put up a picture, but my computer is acting really wonky. Instead, I’ll describe it: Sidney Crosby is standing surrounded by about half a rink’s worth of TimBits. Not the donuts, but the little hockey players. For some reason, this poster creeps me out. Then, I got to thinking about a site I saw a while back: http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/ . I decided to see how I think Sidney would do.

Question 1
What's your body type? Sidney’s a pro hockey player, so I choose Athletic.

Question 2
How's your reach of your arms?
From the pictures I can see, his arms aren’t overly long or short, so I pick average

Question 3
Which best describes your sense of balance
He seems to have pretty good balance to me, even though he goes down a lot (hehehehe). I pick average for this as well

Question 4
How high can you kick?
I’ve seen some pretty good footwork from Sidney the Kidney. I’ll say more than three.

Question 5
How tall are you?
According to yahoo, he’s 5’11”. According to Wikipedia, the average height for a man 18-24 in Canada is… 5' 10.9". So average height.

Question 6
How old are you?
He’s 20.
Section 2:

Question 7
Do you have any martial arts experience?
Not that I know of…

Question 8
In your lifetime, how many fights have you been in?
Well, there was this one time

Question 9
Do you have any experience fighting swarms, such as being chased by a bunch of pissed-off bees or playing starcraft against the Zerg?
Does running from crazed puckbunnies count? I reluctantly answer yes to this one.

Question 10
Have you ever been trampled? (by a horse, at a rock concert, etc)
I’m just going to assume no on this one.

Question 11
If desperate in a fight, would you resort to biting and/or eye-gouging? (Do you fight dirty?)
Somehow I doubt this, but then again, this is purely hypothetical. I’ll say maybe.

Question 12
How would you feel about the fact that you're fighting a bunch of kids?
The choices:
1: This is so wrong - these are children for pete's sake. I don't think I could fight them, even in self defense.
2: I'll do what I have to and fight just hard enough to win
3: To hell with morality, I'd be too busy pile-driving, crane-kicking, and bare-knuckle bashing them all the way back to kindergarten
I think he’d start out all moral and what-not, but by the end he’d start panicking and forget who he is. I’ll choose the deuce in that case.

Question 13
During the fight, would you feel morally comfortable picking up a child and using him/her as a weapon to throw at other children?
I’m not sure if he’d even think of that…so no

The score for Sidney Crosby is…
20




Now for comparison, I filled it out for me. Keep the following in mind: I’m skinny, average height (like 5’5”ish), nonathletic, the same age as Sid, but crazy. What I got was…
14

10 Comments:

Greener said...

Great post D.

Chemmy said...

Fantastic.

I could apparently beat up 30 five year olds. Sounds fun to me.

Sean said...

It's an interesting concept, but I think you miss an important factor. On initial contact with the first five-year-old, Crosby would dive to the ice immediately out of force of habit. As he was looking around for a referee, I think the kids would have him.

leosc said...

I surprised myself: 18!

Jaredoflondon said...

46. I'm a machine!

Loser Domi said...

@greener: Thanks, I'll take what I can get.

@chemmy and jared: I tried answer to get the most and I only got to about 30. you guys are either tiptop athletes or sick twisted fucks. Either way, good for you.

@sean: haha. Thanks for coming by (nice blog, by the way.)

@leosc: nice.

The HZA said...

I think my comment was eaten.

Yes, I try not to swear, for the children and whatnot. Then decide fuck it.

I could probably take a group of kiddos. I am short (5'2").

You were kind calling them puck bunnies. Around here it's puck slut or hockey whore.

Chemmy said...

HZA: The correct rhyming nomenclature is "puck fuck".

loserdomi: I have a long reach and no sense of right and wrong.

Jaredoflondon said...

Martial arts training and lack of a soul (years of being a Leaf fan killed it) go a long way.

Sherry said...

LD, I bet Sid would totally resort to hair pulling and biting. I know those Timbits commercials are supposed to show how much he loves the kids, but I'm convinced he actually doesn't care.

 

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