Kaberle's Diary: Why I Won't Wave my No Trade Clause

(For additional fun, read aloud in a generic Eastern European accent.)

Fools! I’ll destroy them all! No trade clauses are nice things to have, especially you got deep stuff like me to do. I’m not going to go into much details, but let’s just say the Tesla ain’t gonna have shit on me. I make him look like Tinker toys.

I wonder if media douches really think that I’d hang around here if I didn’t have something else going on? You all thought I’d be putting up with Bryan “Anchorman” McCabe and PaVEL Fucking Kubina just because I like them? But it is ok, media types accept me saying “Oh, I love this town, I am proud to wear Maple Leafs, blahblahblah.” I mean, I have to stay here to follow my projects—do you have any idea how hard it is to move an unfinished VTOL aircraft ? They aren’t exactly light and portable, you know. I can’t just pick up and leave, ‘cause when I go someplace else, people always be asking all these questions like “What’s that loud humming noise? Were did my car go? Why do my teeth glow in the dark?” They won’t understand. They never do.

Fucking František still makes fun of me ever time he can ‘cause he won Stanley Cup. He says to me, “Tomas, let’s you and me make a movie—we can call it ‘2 Kabs 1 Cup!’”

Ah well. Knowing what I have in store for all the douches makes it worth putting up with nimrods.

(Photo credit: Claus Andersen/Getty Images stolen from Yahoo!)