first off, I want to thank EVERYBODY who came over from Deadspin today. That made my year (so far.) I'd like to enlist that enormous volume of people, if possible, to solve a small dilemma I am having.
You see, a few days ago, my roommate and I took a shopping trip and we ended up in a store that sold, among other things, hockey bobble heads. I saw, well, this guy and commenced giggling. The stubble, the look of "I just came off a weekend bender. Have you seen my pants?"--I chortled. I looked it up online and found that for a similar price, I could own John LeClair , also in bobblehead form.
My dilemma is that I don't know which one I should go for first. Granted, the only reason I wanted one was so before I do something stupid, I could ask the opinion of an ex-NHL superstar.
advantages of Lindros:
--is funny on many levels (the look, the fact that it's Eric LINDROS, who probably gets coloring books on his birthday)
--is repping Canada, whoohoo!
--is deeply discounted compared to most other bobbleheads on the sit
advantages of LeClair:
--is a fellow Vermonta (we do what we wanta)
--is initially cheaper than the Lindros
--has the "crazy eye"
so, Domiteers, any opinions?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
(RAYCROFT and MAURICE are sitting away from everyone else, sharing massive bong hits.)
RAYCROFT:Wow, Coach, I never would have thought that if you smoked enough weed, Bob Marley music doesn't sound like total shit.
MAURICE: Isn't it surprising, Rayray?
RAYCROFT: You know I got some serious munchies after smoking all that weed, man.
MAURICE: Yeah, we gotta get something to eat, I'm thinking some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky--
RAYCROFT: See, I'm more of a sweets guy—I was thinking more like some peanut butter, and getting some Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars, a whole lot, making sure it's chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man.
MAURICE: And some popcorn, red popcorn, whatever red popcorn is—
RAYCROFT:graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars so we can make s'mores, man.
MAURICE: Also, celery—
RAYCROFT: Grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries—
MAURICE: And pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons...
RAYCROFT: Oooh boy, Funyons! Let's get 'em!
MAURICE:(while leaving with Raycroft) OK guys, we'll be back, we're just, umm..Raray, what are we doing?
RAYCROFT:We're getting munchies!
MAURICE:Yeah! (The pair leave and after a block or so they encounter ANDY WOZNIEWSKI standing on the sidewlk looking at a stop sign)
MAURICE: Well, there's no traffic, so let's go
RAYCROFT:Coach what are you doing?!
MAURICE: What's so wrong?
RAYCROFT: Coach, that's a “stop” sign, not a “go” sign! It tells us to stop. We have to wait until it says “go” before we can go!
WOZNIEWSKI :I've been waiting here for twelve hours and it hasn't changed yet. (TOMAS KABERLE rounds the corner)
KABERLE: Hey guys.
ALL: Hey, Kabbie!
KABERLE: What..the hell are you guys doing staring at that stop sign?
MAURICE: Well, the sign tells us to stop. We're waiting for it to say go so we can go.
KABERLE: It already says go
KABERLE: See, you take the “S” and flip the bottom part and that makes a “C” like curve
KABERLE: then you take da top of the “T” and you put it here, and that makes a “G”. The you bring down the “O” and it says “GO”
WOZNIEWSKI: But what about the other lines?
KABERLE: Those turn into exclamation points
ALL: ohhhh... so we can go now?
KABERLE: Yes, you are free.
ALL: Yay! (they leave KABERLE alone)
KABERLE: ugh. Is just like dealing with Bryan McCabe.
McCABE: (in distance) Hey, Kabbie!
KABERLE: Hi, Bryan. Hi everybody!
(STAJAN, WELLWOOD, and STEEN have come off their acid trips and are underneath a tree wrapped around each other in the fetal position)
WELLWOOD: Am I the only one who has no idea what just happend?
STAJAN: I dunno—I'm more worried that we're all curled up in the fetal position together on Bryan McCabe's lawn.
STEEN: As long as it wasn't a gay orgy, I think we're ok.
WELLWOOD:Unless we were on acid, in which case we probably killed a hobo or something, if those health class videos taught me anything.
STAJAN: is three people even enough for an orgy?
WELLWOOD: I don't know, and to be honest, I'd rather just forget that this happened and we just go on like normal.
STEEN and STAJAN: Fair enough, ok.
ANTROPOV: Hey, guys.
WELLWOOD: Where have you been
ANTROPOV: What you mean? me and Poni been standing here this whole time.
STAJAN: So you saw....whatever it was me, Alex, and Kyle were doing?
TUCKER: I saw it all, too. It was more entertaining than an episode of Lost.
STEEN : Oh Sweet Jesus, no.
TUCKER: Don't worry, boyos. It's not like I videotaped the whole thing and will be shortly posting it all on YouTube or anything. (to self) Mental note: when you get home, register domain name www.leafersluts.com
ANTROPOV:Whatever. Me and Poni had brainstorm after season ended.
PONIKAROVSKY : Yeah! We make millions with this idea!
STAJAN:Don;t you guys already make millions playing hockey?
ANTROPOV: you have to think for future, Matty. After you get injured or whatever.
PONIKAROVSKY: we invent Vodka Water! It's rehydrates your body and gets you drunk enough stop your soul from hurting!
STEEN:Isn't that just perpetuating stereotypes of ex-Soviets as drunks?
PONIKAROVSKY :...So? Do you have point?
ANTROPOV: it's stuff me and Poni sometime brewed in hotel bathtubs during road trips starting way back with Dynamo Moscow. (fills cups from suspicious jugs and hands them to everyone around, who takes a drink accompanied by sounds of coughing and retching)
STAJAN:gahhh...ow! I's sloshed just by shmelling all that.
WELLWOOD: heh. Wuss. (takes drink) OH GOD!
STEEN:I think a bit of my soul just died.
TUCKER:Hmmm...(sniffs without drinking) Hey Bryan! I got a present for you!
TUCKER:Yeah, it's stuff Nik and Poni brought. Bottoms up, buddy! (hands cup to McCABE, who downs it in one gulp)
TUCKER:It's ok, Bryan.
TUCKER: come again?
McCABE: I shad, dingy-bingy schnisiniffner!
TUCKER:oh, ok. (sirens) Oh, SHIT! it's the Po-po! we're dead!
STAJAN: Fuck da police!
WELLWOOD:, nah, HELP, help, help da police! heheheheh
KABERLE: I shows you all now why my “A” is for “awesome” Hey Bryan, can you do me a favour?
TUCKER: Wait, where did you come from?
McCABE: What, Kabs?
KABERLE: Can you alphabetize these Skittles for me? (opens bag of Skittles onto ground next to McCABE)
McCABE: Okie-dokie, good buddy! (becomes engrossed by Skittles)
KABERLE: That should buy us at least an hour to talk to the police and make them go away.
POLICE OFFICER: ok, gentlemen, we received a report of a kick-ass party that you didn't invite me to—would you mind explaining that to me?
KABERLE: wait a second...
ANTROPOV: Why is “police” spelled P-O-L-E-E-S-E?
STAJAN: It's not police at all!
McCABE: Kabbie, I'm done! I even alphabetized them by colour since I was bored!
KABERLE: Alphebetized...by colour?! The stupid make my head hurt...
TUCKER: You're no popo, you're...
POLICE OFFICER: That's right, I'm (takes off fake police uniform) TIE DOMI, MOTHERFUCKERS!
(part 3 to come eventually)
Friday, April 25, 2008
Clip one: Will it Blend? Hockey pucks:
Clip two: The classic "Hockey Monkey":
Clip three:Jon Lajoie's "Everyday Normal guy" this one has nothing to do with hockey, but he is based in Montreal. Plus it's awesomeness, and 0:54-1:04 will rock your socks off.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I know there are things to write about, but I just haven't the energy right now for some reason, plus tomorrow is friday Youtube Yoinkage. So to tide you over, here are some more LOLeafs, sans leafs.
photo credit: Photo by Mike Ridewood/Getty Images
photo credit: AP Photo/Keith Srakocic
these next two are photo credit: AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Well, I haven't been able to do LOLeafs for a while, what with them not being in the playoffs and all. I guess I'll just have to feature different teams. As always, glove tap to Yahoo! Sports for the pretty pictures (credit for all:AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)
Friday, April 18, 2008
ok, So instead of studying for an exam tomorrow, I decided that watching episodes of South Park would be more productive. I stumbled upon this and thought it was way too awesome to pass up:
Thursday, April 17, 2008
This week's Friday Youtube Yoinkage theme is something I think everyone who reads this blog (all 6 of you) has experienced--drunken debauchery. It's a tag I really should be using much more often.
clip one--The all-Beer Diet. Dangit, I wish I had thought of this sooner.
clip two: A beer-a-mid, which according to the info, "as built on March 26th, 2008 at the Cincinnati Cyclones (ECHL) Hockey game. It was $1 Beer night... so something had to be done with ALL those empty beer cups!"I just love the crowd cheering louder for the beer-a-mid than for teh actual play:
clip three: some random homemade beer commercial. Illegal equipment calls suck:
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
BRYAN McCABE: Wow, I can't believe I got so many people to show up at my backyard barbeque
MATS SUNDIN: Just to be safe, after Raycroft's little...incident, do you have all of the knives and sharp objects locked up?
McCABE: You mean...? Oh that, don't worry—locking up the sharp objects is standard procedure here whenever I'm around. (DARCY TUCKER enters) Oh, hey, Darcy!
DARCY TUCKER: Hey guys. I brought a bag of frozen fishsticks for you, Bryan. Enjoy Long Island, you fuckfaced retard.
McCABE: Haha, Darcy, you're such a great joker!
TUCKER: No, man, I'm serious. Every night I pray to God that the cops find your bloated corpse in a ditch somewhere. And Mark Bell asked me to give you this for him. (Hands McCabe a suspicious bottle)
McCABE:Prison wine? He shouldn't have!
SUNDIN: for sure—I can smell the hepatitis from here. (PAVEL KUBINA enters, greetings excahnged)between everyone)
McCABE: Hey Kubie...uh, what's that bag in your hand?
PAVEL KUBINA: What beg?Vhat hend?
McCABE: I'm talking about the plastic bad in you hand that looks like it's full of assorted pills.
KUBINA: Oh, this?It is...well, I shell be honest. Dis beg may be full of pells, dey may be Skittles, I do know know for sure. But I know a way to find out.
McCABE: Dude, did you just roofie my drink?
KUBINA: No, why you ask?
McCABE:You did! You totally did! you just reached over and plopped a pill or something in my drink, I just saw you. You weren't even sneaky about it.
KUBINA:OK, I make a deal: if nothing heppen, it was just a vitamin suppliment. If you fall alseep and someone is making hot, sweet love to your anus, then it was a roofie. Deal?
McCABE: far enough
KUBINA: and now to get Babyface Crew on acid. Or maybe those are Vitamin C. (leaves)
SUNDIN: Wait, is that—it can't be...Paul Maurice? HERE?
McCABE:Oh no, he's such a buzzkill
TUCKER:Whatever guys, just act cool, here he comes.
PAUL MAURICE: Heyy, guys!
SUNDIN, McCABE, TUCKER: (in a depressed manner) Hi, Coach
MAURICE: Look, I know you all think I'm a buzzkill, so I'll level with you—I have enough weed, Xanax, and Vicodin to host a Phish reunion tour!
TUCKER: (somewhat forced) Okay! Now we van really let loose!
McCABE: “Now”? After seeing Kubina drugging everybody's drinks with random pills?
SUNDIN” So is that why Wellwood is totally terrified of the shadows of those tree branches?
WELLWOOD: They're gonna trap me! LEMMEOUT! LEMMEOUT!
STEEN: Kyle, shut up! If I sing “It's raining men” fast enough this rock says he'll each me how to fly!
STAJAN: (sobbing) MOMMMMY! I ate the moon!
WELLWOOD: Matt! Save yourself! The branches have me pinned down!
STAJAN: I ate the moon, mommy, I'm sorrry!! (panicked whisper) It's not there anymore! (sobs) are you mad at me? (crawls over to WELLWOOD)
WELLWOOD: I'll forgive you for eating the moon if you shield me from these branches
STAJAN: (still sobbing) Ok, ok (curls up into fetal position next to WELLWOOD, who starts gnawing on STAJAN's fingers)
TUCKER: Kyle! Stop trying to eat Stajan!
WELLWOOD: But his fingers are delicious Cajun sausage! nomnomnom.
STEEN: And his hair is made out of bacon! nomnomnom (starts chewing STAJAN'S hair)
TUCKER: I thought you were trying to fly
STEEN : The rock was playing me. I shoulda known, nomnomnom
TUCKER: You guys, seriously, cannibalism is not cool.
STAJAN: Darcy, what's that on your face?
TUCKER: You mean my nose?
STAJAN: no it's like a bug thingy sucking out your brains! Don't worry, I'll get it for you! (grabs stick, starts beating TUCKER in the face with the stick)
TUCKER: Staj—what the!—dammit!—stop hitting me!—with that stick!—
STAJAN: I'll save you Darcy! I'm a sock-kicking baddass mofo! (TUCKER punches STAJAN and knocks him out)
MAURICE: Darcy, why are you punching people? ah never mind that...
WELLWOOD (to nobody at all): TICKING TIME BOMB!
MAURICE: Wait a second...is that Rayrary over there? Raycroft, you emowannabe sumbitch, comeover here and smoke a bowl with me!
( stay tuned for part 2 eventually)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
So I checked my email this morning and among the replies to witty comments on other blogs and Indians wanting to increase my manhood, I got a rather long email from Michael Braun. Apparently Michael is some sort of media type (he had an address and such for ICED media, which may be legit but I have been too lazy to look up.) Basically it was telling me stuff I already knew about "The Love Guru"--Mike Myers, Justin Timberlake's "Quebec pizaa like in da porno!", blah blah blah. but then I saw this bit:
Also, the NHL has produced their own trailer for the movie. Check out the link and the article below. And let me know if you post anything so we can send it off to Paramount and Mike Myers (who is very involved in the online marketing of this movie). And please be sure to link to the youtube channel for The Love Guru for exclusive video content.
For more exclusive video: www.youtube.com/theloveguru
It then goes on to give a brief summary of the movie plot, people in it, whatever (although the line "Mike Myers in his first original character since Austin Powers" was kind of funny.) The email then goes on to talk about how the NHL "provided Myers and Paramount Pictures unprecedented access and rights, including the use of NHL marks and NHL game action footage, permission and facilitation to film inside NHL arenas, and guest appearances by NHL players and the Stanley Cup, the most revered trophy in all professional sports, marking its first starring turn in a feature film." Then it goes on (it's a long email) and talks about how the NHL marketing folks are going to push this movie a lot and offer exclusive content and retail activations on NHL.com "including “The Love Guru” advice column, cast player faux biographies, blogs and behind-the-scenes video clips and photo galleries."
While I'm all for eth NHL open up its marketing to increase fan bases, I have two questions, especially for fellow Leafs-bloggers (even though other folks can answer if desired:
1) Am I the only one who got this email, or was it some sort of spamming thing?
2) When the hell did I become a legit blogger? As in legit enough to get exclusive emails about stuff that's been leaked in the internet for several months?
The most interesting part came near the end, with this bit:
In 2006, the NHL signed with the William Morris Agency, which resulted in an integrated marketing campaign with Warner Bros. to promote the 2007 blockbuster feature film, “300.”
So for all of you wondering about the out-of-place, Homoerotic Spartan at the Sens game, I think I found an answer. Ithas also added "bring a gay pride flag to an NHL game" to my lsit of thing to do before I die.
Ok, for going through such a wordy post, here's some nice Youtubeage of TRULY homoerotic versions of 300:
Monday, April 14, 2008
The challenge: See how far you can get through this video of Dion Phaneuf without laughing. records: Heather of wraparoundcurl: about7 seconds, me: about 5
Friday, April 11, 2008
This week's FYY theme is the man who inspired this blog, Mr.Tie Domi. But first, a bit of explanation/origin story. For years, Tie Domi was one of about five hockey players my (now ex-) boyfriend knew about. That's 5 TOTAL--not 5 Leafs guys, not 5 (then active) players. Five in total (he's not really much of a hockey guy.) As a result Tie Domi become something of an inside joke between us. About a year and a half ago,he sent me a link to a Deadspin story that was a preview of a Jets-Patriots game. The line he selected was something along the lines of, "But the head coahes really hate each other. Personally, I'd love to see Magini pull down Bilichek's sweatshirt and beat his ass like Tie Domi." This line got me reading Deadspin, and eventually into sports blogging in general. Then, when I decide to join the ranks of idiots hammering knuckles on keyboards (my parents don't even have a basement that I can use a computer in, sorry) I figured that since there was already a "Tie" Domi, "Loser" would be the next logical step off that. So let's pay tribute to the inspiration of this here blog.
Clip one:I have no idea when or where this footage was taken, but Tie dancing with Martin Brodeur is too great to pass up:
clip two: Tie probably thinks that Cuba Gooding, Jr. needs to either switch to decaf or lay off the meth/crack after this. But it's still a good cause:
clip three: Tie Domi in a shootout (or someth) I just love the smirk on his face when he comes out:
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Due to shifty and highly illegal means, I have obtained the summer itineraries of several members of the Toronto Maple Leafs. I feel obliged to share them with you here:
Tomas Kaberle: creating a way to travel to the moon without using fossil fuels
Andrew Raycroft: stocking up on razor blades and watching this since the real thing won't be happening this summer
Kyle Wellwood: after a disappointing season, he will spend the summer finding a way to “Rickroll” the ACC Jumbotron on opening night. In the event he gets traded, his last game will feature “2girls1cup”
Bryan McCabe: will spend at least a day staring at a section of aluminum foil, telling his wife, “Look honey, there's a guy who looks just like me in our kitchen!” Or possibly holding a never ending party.
Darcy Tucker: Kick Sean Avery's dog, light Daniel Alfredsson's golf clubs on fire, and send Mike Peca a box of chocolates
Johnny Pohl and Dominic Moore: after taking the stage names of "Jason Spezza" and "Sidney Crosby", respectively, they will star in the soon-to-be-classic adult title "Sin Bin Sluts: 5 for Fucking". Alex Steen will assist them by being "the guy who holds the microphone, so that way I won't be the one getting herpes" (his words not mine)
Sunday, April 6, 2008
as always, special thanks to Yahoo! for the pretty pictures
photo credit: AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Paul Chiasson
(AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Paul Chiasson)
you know, if I could do Photoshop, I'd so put some sunglasses or a palm tree in here somewhere. Credit: AP photo/The Canadian Press, Frank Gunn
Friday, April 4, 2008
Sorry for the bit of a delay folks--I discovered the joy of adding Captain Morgan to Dr. Pepper (thanks Heather!) so after about 3/4 of a bottle of rum later, I'm pretty damn hungover right now. But onto the clips--today's theme is kinda hockey related stuff in movies that aren't Slapshot or Might Ducks.
clip one: Jules Winnfield, Hockey coach. Four words that equal awesomeness:
clip two: Mashup of Might Ducks 2 (not the original, so it's ok!) and audio from 300. Tonight, Emilio Estevez dines in Hell.
clip three: ok, so not hockey, but for some reason, I could see the Leafs doing this, possibly the Sens. Watch Keanu Reeves shuffle!